Post Reply Can you answer this question ?
Humms 
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Posted 4/10/17
Soo.... I can understand why, but.... that's personal. I don't really want to go into detail, and I have to throw this one out there.

The question. ( Just focus on the question being asked please )

If you were going to get married, and you already have a kid living with you, and you just recently lost your wife, and you were planning the wedding, but then this decision to tell your Kid to move out or the wedding isnt happening comes up
.

I just think to myself, maybe you can; you know, just live for a couple years until you want to make that decision.


Is this just a Straight shot answer, or do you actually have to fucking look further into this, because This just Blew my Fucking mind

I cant.... I just cant anymore xD Im not being rude here, but This just hit me now, and this feels really surreal.

Jesus Christ



Just answer the Question if you can. I just had to put it our there....... I really did
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Posted 4/10/17
Depends how old the kid is... if the kid is 25+ and not in any schooling then the kid should have moved out already anyways.
If they are 20-24 its situational. 19 and down no thats unfair to the kids.

Your kids should be your top priority in life.
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32 / M / Behind You With A...
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Posted 4/10/17
is the ultimatum for the kid to move out or the wedding wont happen?
Humms 
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Posted 4/10/17 , edited 4/10/17

SnipeStar wrote:

is the ultimatum for the kid to move out or the wedding wont happen?


Ya, plus 5 years of schooling, and debt
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Posted 4/11/17

Humms wrote:

Soo.... I can understand why, but.... that's personal. I don't really want to go into detail, and I have to throw this one out there.

The question. ( Just focus on the question being asked please )

If you were going to get married, and you already have a kid living with you, and you just recently lost your wife, and you were planning the wedding, but then this decision to tell your Kid to move out or the wedding isnt happening comes up
.

I just think to myself, maybe you can; you know, just live for a couple years until you want to make that decision.


Is this just a Straight shot answer, or do you actually have to fucking look further into this, because This just Blew my Fucking mind

I cant.... I just cant anymore xD Im not being rude here, but This just hit me now, and this feels really surreal.

Jesus Christ



Just answer the Question if you can. I just had to put it our there....... I really did



I think you may have answered your own question already...

"I just think to myself, maybe you can; you know, just live for a couple years until you want to make that decision."


Myself, if it was my kid, I'd tell her to go to hell. If she won't accept part of me, it's her problem not mine and she just isn't worth it. This would just be the first of her "surprise" ultimatums so it just wouldn't be worth putting up with the "more to come".
llunga 
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Posted 4/11/17 , edited 4/11/17


What kind of woman would kick out someone else's child.
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Posted 4/11/17 , edited 4/11/17
Family is family. I don't care how old the kid is. I DON"T do ultimatums....ever! If someone told me that then I'd tell them to go to hell just on principle alone. I don't care how old a kid is. They're you're children. That's for life. You're lucky if they move out by the time they're twenty but in this economy it's not so strange to see families staying together longer. I don't see anything wrong with adult children living at home. There's many reasons why they might not be out on their own yet and laziness is only just one small reason. Money, health issues, separation issues, mental health, lack of job security or distance to work, etc are all factors. Some adults live with their parents to help them out, especially if they're retired, on a limited income and have health concerns.

I don't get this whole rush to get married thing. How about people try getting to know each other? Move in with each other for a year or two because once the honeymoon phase is over with then the real person emerges. Men don't always stay nice and charming and neither do women. Find out who they are at their worst before you accept them at their best. Any person that you claim to love deserves to be accepted on their good and bad days and no one should come between their family. If they loved you then they wouldn't give you such an ultimatum. They knew that the kid still lived at home when they met them so what's changed? That's just a dick move in my opinion. If you let them get away with this first ultimatum then you can be damn sure there's going to be more down the road. Next time it may be your hair or your weight or maybe your furniture or job. Who the hell knows. It just is not a good precedent to set. So in my humble opinion I would kindly but firmly tell them to go fu#$ themselves.

Relationships aren't built on ultimatums. They're built on mutual trust and cooperation. Trust and compromise are the foundations of any relationship.
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Posted 4/11/17

llunga wrote:



What kind of woman would kick out someone else's child.


Exactly, if something like this comes up, then i wouldn't be getting married
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Posted 4/11/17
Kick the woman out.

She obviously doesn't care for the kid already being hurt because his mom died, and now her replacement is a complete sassafras in the ass. This said guy in this circumstance must have a buttload of secret money she's after, or he's an eggplant bae with the moves that got her addicted. For whatever reason, her intentions are unjustified. The age of the kid doesn't matter.

Now if she pays all the bills and it's her house, that's another story.

Other than that, if she's a dependent or doesn't make as much as the said guy in this situation and she is living with the guy, she can shove her wedding up her salty rectum.
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Posted 4/11/17
But I can't sleep with my kid.
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Posted 4/11/17
actually kids are very smart these days.
if the kid ask why aren't we moving house anymore daddy, just say because this house is home .

and the kid will probably understand there won't be a wedding anymore because the daddy doesn't look happy
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37 / M / So. Cal
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Posted 4/11/17
Assuming if the wedding is off then the relationship is over, then I choose my child. Besides the obvious reasons, I abhor the idea of holding the relationship hostage. If you give in once you'll be expected to give in every time. Sell your car or it's over. Move to Ashkhabad or it's over. Amputate your legs or it's over. etc.
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Posted 4/12/17

Humms wrote:

Soo.... I can understand why, but.... that's personal. I don't really want to go into detail, and I have to throw this one out there.

The question. ( Just focus on the question being asked please )

If you were going to get married, and you already have a kid living with you, and you just recently lost your wife, and you were planning the wedding, but then this decision to tell your Kid to move out or the wedding isnt happening comes up
.



There's something I can't understand, someone recently lost their wife and they are already thinking of marrying another woman? the guy is probably desperate to fill that void or he was going out with this woman before his wife died

Oh sorry, that part distracted me from answering the question

My answer is::

Never marry someone who asks you to choose between your kid and them. The woman can wait if the problem is the money, your kid is top priority. It wasn't the kid's fault that their mother died or that he was born and any man who kicks out his kids because of a woman is a bastard. Likewise, any woman who asks the man to kick out his kids is a bastard.




Ejanss 
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Posted 4/12/17 , edited 4/12/17

MrEnder1337 wrote:

Depends how old the kid is... if the kid is 25+ and not in any schooling then the kid should have moved out already anyways.
If they are 20-24 its situational. 19 and down no thats unfair to the kids.

Your kids should be your top priority in life.


By his reaction in the thread, I'm guessing he's the kid--Which brings up the "Living with Parents" issue if one of them isn't the parent, but still a bit harsh.


nerdtox wrote:
My answer is::
Never marry someone who asks you to choose between your kid and them. The woman can wait if the problem is the money, your kid is top priority. It wasn't the kid's fault that their mother died or that he was born and any man who kicks out his kids because of a woman is a bastard. Likewise, any woman who asks the man to kick out his kids is a bastard.


My sister with two high school kids remarried a couple years ago, and while getting used to the "new dad" had the usual transition issues, it was helped by rationalizing that Mom's Second Husband isn't always the Dad, if the biological Dad is still nearby every other weekend.
And yes, it also helps if you're remarrying someone non-selfish enough to know that, going in, and accepts it as part of the package.

Again, I suspect neither's quite the overemotional case here.
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