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Post Reply Was I just being led on by this girl?
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Posted 4/16/17 , edited 6/28/17
So I'm in college and it's the exam period right now. I had an exam yesterday and I asked this girl out right after the exam finished. This was the first time I talked to her at all throughout the whole semester and I asked if she liked bubble tea (as well as if she wanted to go out for bubble tea some time). She said she would go out sometime, so then I asked for her number which she gave me. Then when I tried texting her today to try and find out when she was free, she said she was actually busy since shes getting ready to travel after her exams.

So my question is was I just being led on by her when she accepted my invitation to go out? Did she feel pressured or wasn't able to say no when I came out of nowhere asking this? or does she probably legitimately have a vacation or something planned with her family right after the exams?

I was told that I should just wait until the next school year and try to talk to her again and if she actually was interested in me she would text me back some time after travelling and the next school year.


Update: So I tried asking if she was back a month and a half later, she replied to me 4 days later. She said her phone froze (This feels like an excuse to me) and that she was back already. We talked a little about her trip and then I asked if she wanted to go out again sometime this week. She said she was too busy since she's in summer school and almost failed one of her classes. She also said she wants to go one day but when she isn't busy. So my question is, is she trying to tell me she isn't interested discreetly and leaving hints or can this be a case where she is legitimately busy again?
Posted 4/16/17 , edited 4/16/17
Ill tell you what I've been in a similar situation and blew my load too fast and I thought she was leading me on and screwing around with me but it turns out I was wrong and I basically told the girl to not talk to me every again. Dont make the same mistake I did. Dont overthink it as whats her face said.
Posted 4/16/17
I doubt she intentionally did so. Most people are not that manipulative from my experience. Something probably suddenly came up that she was not aware of ahead of time. And to be quite fair, I doubt that trip is going to take long. It's just a vacation. I'm assuming that she didn't give an exact date, so I guess she was just busy at that point in time. Don't give up on it completely fam ;P
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Posted 4/16/17
If I was you, I would of made some small talk before bringing up the topic of going out for some tea again. If she was leading you on and she didn't want to hang out with you, she could of easily just ignored your text or given you the wrong number. You have to find some fair ground to make her feel comfortable to go out with someone she just had a small conversation with.
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Posted 4/16/17 , edited 4/16/17

Mr_Ed wrote:

If I was you, I would of made some small talk before bringing up the topic of going out for some tea again. If she was leading you on and she didn't want to hang out with you, she could of easily just ignored your text or given you the wrong number. You have to find some fair ground to make her feel comfortable to go out with someone she just had a small conversation with.


I was trying to do that, but then I let a whole semester go by due to shyness lol. So when I told this to someone else they were like just go up to her after an exam and say you want to get to know her better over tea or something pretty much, you don't have much to lose other than her saying no.
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Posted 4/16/17
I understand you're probably anxious and your emotions are all over the place since you're dealing with a woman that (I'm assuming) you have an interest in. But as others have said, jumping to negative conclusions right off the bat is a really bad mindset to have in the long run. She might have legitimately made last minute plans to go traveling.

For future reference, it's always better to set an actual date for when you want to hang out with a girl.
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Posted 4/16/17

hurtuoc wrote:

So I'm in college and it's the exam period right now. I had an exam yesterday and I asked this girl out right after the exam finished. This was the first time I talked to her at all throughout the whole semester and I asked if she liked bubble tea (as well as if she wanted to go out for bubble tea some time). She said she would go out sometime, so then I asked for her number which she gave me. Then when I tried texting her today to try and find out when she was free, she said she was actually busy since shes getting ready to travel after her exams.

So my question is was I just being led on by her when she accepted my invitation to go out? Did she feel pressured or wasn't able to say no when I came out of nowhere asking this? or does she probably legitimately have a vacation or something planned with her family right after the exams?

I was told that I should just wait until the next school year and try to talk to her again and if she actually was interested in me she would text me back after travelling between now and the next school year.




maybe she thought you two would go after all that stuff? you know,maybe when she came back from her travels?
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Posted 4/16/17
Awww she probably is legitimately busy, try and text her after a bit, if she ignores you or is totally not interested in the convo then I guess thats a sign? But don't be paranoid, i don't think she'd be willing to give you her number then be a totally fhvbkjvbs to you
GAMBAREEEEEE
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Posted 4/16/17
You did good, no doubt. I actually use the "how you do on the test?" approach to talk to a girl in the past and it works, but if she said she is busy then she is busy. I mean she did give you her real number so is not like she was just trying to get it over and move on. Also even though they don't show it, girls can sense how thirsty the dude is and that can lead them to think the guy might turn annoying. She might also be talking to someone else at the moment. At this point, I would just try to get her to hang out as a friends getting to know each other and then when she actually goes out with you, straight up ask her if she has a boyfriend and/or tell her you like her but it was hard to find the courage to talk to her because you the shy type. You can tell her on the first time, if you don't wanna waste time.
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Posted 4/16/17
i think u are overthinking.

travelling takes up people's mind a lot.

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Posted 4/16/17
Literally last spring this time I asked out this girl in my physics class. At the start of the semester I saw her and knew there was no way I could just let this one go without trying. I went and took the seat of whoever was sitting next to her by getting to class early and slowly worked up some rapport. Then after many many weeks I asked her out after the 3rd exam. It ended up not working out, even after investing months of meditating on it. She was amazing though and we hung out many times between May and July. I never even kissed her and she was easily the best girl I've ever met, getting all worked up just thinking about her.

Anyways, I get it, it's rough thinking it might not work out, especially when you keep in mind all the time you spent thinking about her.

I would throw out some feelers and see if she's the type to text conversationally and often. Text her where she's off to and for how long. If she elaborates in great detail about the vacation, bingo, she's interested. If not wait till she gets back and ask her out again.

I will say that girls do seem to not like being up front about saying get lost and they'll pretend to be busy all the time. I would try asking her out maybe 3 times before giving up.
You don't have much to go on if you only talked to her once.
Seriously good luck though. Like Hobo said don't get frustrated right away and definitely don't let it show.
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19 / M / Bay Area
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Posted 4/16/17
I have a good feeling you're overthinking it. I make that mistake a lot, and normally my intuitions are generally wrong. All you have to do is spend some quality time with her and eventually you should be able to see where it will end up going.

But I will tell you rn if you overthink every word she says to you she will haunt you and make you miserable and she won't even know it, it will just be you ruining it all in your head and making things more complicated than she wanted them to be.
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25 / F / PA, USA
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Posted 4/16/17
Whether she is/isn't aside, I suggest that you don't entirely hold out for her, since you two didn't really start having a relationship together. I mean, hoping that you two rekindle is all well and good, but I don't recommend expecting it to pan out.
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25 / M / Canada
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Posted 4/16/17 , edited 4/16/17
Led on? Nah, she might be legitimately busy getting ready to travel. Don't overthink things when you don't have all the facts. Also Cardamom is right, don't hold out for her either. Asking people on dates should be relaxed and fun.
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Posted 4/16/17 , edited 6/29/17
Never ask for an open-ended date, ask a prospective type of date like hang out at the mall, go to a movie, catch a local band, or something you would both like to do. Ask for a specific time frame like one or two days, that way they have the option to turn you down or delay to another time without closing off all chances. Believe what they tell you is at least is the truth, as they perceive it. Be prepared for both a positive or negative answer, good luck.
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