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Post Reply Was I just being led on by this girl?
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Posted 4/16/17 , edited 4/16/17

kevz_210 wrote:


bzrro20 wrote:

should have just gone for bubble tea right there and then. sorry, but you missed the boat


^This would have been the best option, it's kinda how my last ex-girlfriend got me to go on our first date together

That being said I disagree you are completely S.O.L. Hit her up after the vacation and if she doesn't want to be bothered with you she will let you know by ignoring your messages or giving you one lazy excuse after another.


I THINK, I was right not to do that because when we were talking a little after the exam we just finished, she mentioned she had another exam later which was in 4 hours and I think she would have turned me down right there and I swear she said she was going to study with her friends after she gave me her number.
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Posted 4/16/17 , edited 4/16/17

hurtuoc wrote:


kevz_210 wrote:


bzrro20 wrote:

should have just gone for bubble tea right there and then. sorry, but you missed the boat


^This would have been the best option, it's kinda how my last ex-girlfriend got me to go on our first date together

That being said I disagree you are completely S.O.L. Hit her up after the vacation and if she doesn't want to be bothered with you she will let you know by ignoring your messages or giving you one lazy excuse after another.


I THINK, I was right not to do that because when we were talking a little after the exam we just finished, she mentioned she had another exam later which was in 4 hours and I think she would have turned me down right there and I swear she said she was going to study with her friends after she gave me her number.


Yes, she probably would have....although she might have given you an alternative date and time on the spot and you would have come off as more confident.
Anyhow, you will know for sure soon enough.
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Posted 4/16/17 , edited 4/16/17

kevz_210 wrote:

Yes, she probably would have....although she might have given you an alternative date and time on the spot and you would have come off as more confident.
Anyhow, you will know for sure soon enough.


Welp I have to ask tomorrow since its 1am right now lol. Is it weird to ask her that a day after I was trying to find out when she was free? Again when I tried to ask her out before she was travelling and she said no I just said ok and left it at that.
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Posted 4/16/17
Similar thing happened to me in college. Caught up next semester, went out, mutual nonattraction, things just fizzled. It would have been more fun not to call her back and then at least I could think, "oh what if..?"
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Posted 4/16/17
C'mon... some people just find it difficult to say no in person.

Try again after she's back from traveling
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Posted 4/16/17

hurtuoc wrote:


Dark_Alma wrote:

In my experience girls are as willing to say "No way." as "Sure." So I would say if she gave you her real number, she may like you, even if a bit. Give it time and don't get paranoid.


Should I try to ask about her travel plans or would that just put her off for me pestering her too much? When she told me she had travel plans I tried to ask her to go out right after her last exam (which was also when my last exam was) which finishes at 10 pm, she didn't want to go I'm assuming because it was a bit late for her.


Give it time. Patience is a virtue. Spamming her phone and getting too deep into her life before a relationship can be seen as odd.
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Posted 4/16/17

hurtuoc wrote:


konjfful wrote:

I have a good feeling you're overthinking it. I make that mistake a lot, and normally my intuitions are generally wrong. All you have to do is spend some quality time with her and eventually you should be able to see where it will end up going.

But I will tell you rn if you overthink every word she says to you she will haunt you and make you miserable and she won't even know it, it will just be you ruining it all in your head and making things more complicated than she wanted them to be.


I am overthinking it but its because this is the first girl I ever did anything like this to. I realize "there's plenty fish in the sea", but from the first semester of this year I thought I was going to get through 4 years college without ever thinking about girls and to just be able to focus on studying. But then when I saw this girl I really wanted to get to know her and when I asked her out and it seemed like she was interested I got a little bit excited.


I'm not saying you should go after someone else I'm not saying there's plenty of fish in the sea idk how you get that from what I'm saying all I'm saying is, think about it from her perspective. Would you want to hang out with a dude who seems stressed out and wants to get answers to questions that dont even exist, or hang out with someone who just seems like a cool person to hang out with, that's that. Just be someone fun to be around, and I get it, way easier said than done but try to be conscious of when you overthink things and try to push negative thoughts out of your head. Unless you know something for sure, you don't know something.

If you think she's leading you on but she's still super nice and not ignoring you or being nonchalant about anything then just push those bad thoughts out of your head cause big chances are they're just thoughts that aren't true. I'm not too experienced with girls either in this regard but I've been led on and I've ruined relationships with girls who I thought were but weren't. I've seen the lowest of the low, I've been put on a 51/50 hold and taken to multiple health centers because I went suicidal multiple times over things I over complicated for too long and I'm just trying to help you stray away from that course. I've seen the lowest of the low, and I'm just giving my advice and what I wish I could have done.

Over complicating things comes with no good, trust me. Just go with the flow, and if it takes time, it takes time. Worst that will happen is she doesn't wanna be with you. In time all wounds heal.
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Posted 4/16/17

nanikore2 wrote:

C'mon... some people just find it difficult to say no in person.

Try again after she's back from traveling


Should I find out when she comes back or just wait on her to text me back (hopefully she will if I wait).
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Posted 4/16/17

Dark_Alma wrote:

Give it time. Patience is a virtue. Spamming her phone and getting too deep into her life before a relationship can be seen as odd.


I don't really want to pry too much details about her, but some people saying its fine or worth the risk to do so.
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Posted 4/16/17
With the things I've learned and can pass on at the top of my head this late at night...

-Don't take it harshly, if she doesn't want to hang out, don't make it a big deal
-never waste your time waiting, always have more options available
-never seem desperate
-have fun, even if it's just you
-and...never put a girl on a pedastal nor give her all the love and make her the "only one" and i don't mean cheat, I mean have options, hang out with other people, don't get overly unhealthyly attached
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Posted 4/16/17

hurtuoc wrote:


nanikore2 wrote:

C'mon... some people just find it difficult to say no in person.

Try again after she's back from traveling


Should I find out when she comes back or just wait on her to text me back (hopefully she will if I wait).


I wouldn't wait on a text.
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Posted 4/17/17

hurtuoc wrote:

Not sure when she comes back if she really is going somewhere, again because I only talked to her once after an exam that was yesterday. I also feel like I'm not in any position to pry into where she's going and whatnot especially since I tried asking to go out with her right after an exam finished which was 7pm - 10pm, which she turned down since I guess it was too late. Was trying to see if she would go before her travel plans was that a bad move or was it fine?


You're even starting to irritate even me on this. You are too high strung, relax a little. I would say that asking her out after the exam was a bad idea, if you knew it was from 7pm to 10pm. That is too late for a lot of people. However, when she said it was too late a simple "sorry, what would be a better time?" should have sufficed. You're making it harder for yourself by overthinking things. If she wasn't interested in you, she would at least either give you a stronger indication she isn't interested or ignore your question if you asked regarding what works for her. If she was interested, it would either give you a time that would work or a frame of reference for what might work.
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Posted 4/17/17 , edited 4/17/17
Nah, she's not leading you on.

She probably accepted your invitation like friends and nothing more since this is your first time talking to her. Start a friendship first and then think about dating if you see the signs that she likes you more than a friend. I don't think she saw it as a date since you're both practically strangers.

If you are that desperate, the next time you see her just be straightforward. Tell her you that like her and you want to to go out with her. She will tell you if she wants to start slow, or develop a friendship first or go for it or "no". She doesn't have to return your feelings so be easy on her.
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Posted 4/17/17
Why are you still in college at 27? Go out into the real world.
Posted 4/17/17

ishe5555 wrote:


hurtuoc wrote:

Not sure when she comes back if she really is going somewhere, again because I only talked to her once after an exam that was yesterday. I also feel like I'm not in any position to pry into where she's going and whatnot especially since I tried asking to go out with her right after an exam finished which was 7pm - 10pm, which she turned down since I guess it was too late. Was trying to see if she would go before her travel plans was that a bad move or was it fine?


You're even starting to irritate even me on this. You are too high strung, relax a little. I would say that asking her out after the exam was a bad idea, if you knew it was from 7pm to 10pm. That is too late for a lot of people. However, when she said it was too late a simple "sorry, what would be a better time?" should have sufficed. You're making it harder for yourself by overthinking things. If she wasn't interested in you, she would at least either give you a stronger indication she isn't interested or ignore your question if you asked regarding what works for her. If she was interested, it would either give you a time that would work or a frame of reference for what might work.


I agree with this
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