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Post Reply Was I just being led on by this girl?
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Posted 6/29/17

paul25454 wrote:


hurtuoc wrote:


Update: So I tried asking if she was back a month and a half later, she replied to me 4 days later. She said her phone froze (This feels like an excuse to me) and that she was back already. We talked a little about her trip and then I asked if she wanted to go out again sometime this week. She said she was too busy since she's in summer school and almost failed one of her classes. She also said she wants to go one day but when she isn't busy. So my question is, is she trying to tell me she isn't interested discreetly and leaving hints or can this be a case where she is legitimately busy again?


The phone freezing is believable, I wouldn't worry about it that much. It depends, how good are you on reading body language?


Not that great on reading body language
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Posted 6/29/17

karlkarlng wrote:

Since she did message you back 4 days later so assuming you didn't send a few followup messages during that time... its possible she wants to hang out (casually). its probably best if you see her in person and just talk to her for a bit and go hey wanna go grab lunch/ coffee/ BBT or something first so she can get to know you better.


I only sent her a message once to see if she was back or not than I continued texting her regularly when she replied.
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Posted 6/29/17

tegan7 wrote:

I've done this before, so if she's like me, yes she is just trying to put you down in a way that doesn't scream "PLEASE GO AWAY"
DISCLAIMER: The only way to know for sure is to ask her, even if one of these answers is correct WE DO NOT KNOW WHY THIS PERSON IS ACTING THIS WAY.

Just saying.


Why do girls do this, asked some of my friends and some of them told me she doesn't want to tell me she's not interested. I'd rather have someone tell me to my face "I'm not interested" or "I don't want to meet up with you", etc... not "I'm busy too this day/week". What is with this roundabout way that causes large amounts of confusion?
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Posted 6/29/17
The worst thing a woman can experience is rejection thus they are very careful not to do that to men they consider nice but not attracted too. They are scared of "hurting your feelings" and would rather give hints at the lack of attraction and hope that you pick up on it and put a stop to your advances.

She is telling you through her actions.
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Posted 6/29/17 , edited 6/29/17
I think probably she doesn't want to go out, but it might be worth leaving it up to her. You know, just tell her something along the lines of "ok, well, whenever you've got time, hit me up." Then don't message her anymore. If she just wanted to reject you softly, she won't ever ask you. But you also might be pleasantly surprised.
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Posted 6/29/17

foraslan wrote:

I think probably she doesn't want to go out, but it might be worth leaving it up to her. You know, just tell her something along the lines of "ok, well, whenever you've got time, hit me up." Then don't message her anymore. If she just wanted to reject you softly, she won't ever ask you. But you also might be pleasantly surprised.



Totally agree with this.
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Posted 6/29/17 , edited 6/29/17

hurtuoc wrote:

So I'm in college and it's the exam period right now. I had an exam yesterday and I asked this girl out right after the exam finished. This was the first time I talked to her at all throughout the whole semester and I asked if she liked bubble tea (as well as if she wanted to go out for bubble tea some time). She said she would go out sometime, so then I asked for her number which she gave me. Then when I tried texting her today to try and find out when she was free, she said she was actually busy since shes getting ready to travel after her exams.

So my question is was I just being led on by her when she accepted my invitation to go out? Did she feel pressured or wasn't able to say no when I came out of nowhere asking this? or does she probably legitimately have a vacation or something planned with her family right after the exams?

I was told that I should just wait until the next school year and try to talk to her again and if she actually was interested in me she would text me back some time after travelling and the next school year.


Update: So I tried asking if she was back a month and a half later, she replied to me 4 days later. She said her phone froze (This feels like an excuse to me) and that she was back already. We talked a little about her trip and then I asked if she wanted to go out again sometime this week. She said she was too busy since she's in summer school and almost failed one of her classes. She also said she wants to go one day but when she isn't busy. So my question is, is she trying to tell me she isn't interested discreetly and leaving hints or can this be a case where she is legitimately busy again?



As a 24 year old girl, let me save you the trouble. Yes, she's brushing you off. She only gave you her number because some people have a hard time saying no. The fact that she keeps making excuses is because she is not interested at all. If she was really interested, she would make the time. Also, don't keep texting her and asking. Because in her own way, she's already told you she's not into it. So at this point she's probably like 'ugh dude stop'. Sorry to be harsh, but it's just the reality. I've been in her shoes, and I've been in yours. Don't let it get you down, though. Don't let one bad experience ruin the rest. You'll find someone who genuinely wants to hang out with you and it'll be great.
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Posted 6/29/17
She's not interested. Girl will *make* time if she's really into you.
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Posted 6/29/17
Thinking back to my younger days, I have definitely given my number out when asked for it because I think 'Oh, they want to be friends and are not asking because they are interested'. Then when I talk about it and someone tells me oooo no that's because he's interested, sometimes I've flaked out because I was too nervous or awkward to explain I wasn't interested in anything romantic I just thought they wanted to go see a movie and I like movies.

I'm older and wise now so here's my advice. Send occasional messages that aren't flirty at all like 'hey, some friends and I are going to the movies this date and this time. You're welcome to join if you want.' If she says oh sorry I'm busy, ok. If she says that every single time.... well. She's not interested. Truly. A girl makes the time for a guy she really likes. When I first met my husband I made time even though I worked, traveled extensively, and cared for a sick family member. I still spent hours with him. It was tight, but I made the effort because I liked him back.

So.. I'd not jump to conclusions just yet but if you keep inviting her to specific things (not last minute!) and every single time she is busy then I'd let it go until the semester kicks back up. I have a friend who wasn't interested the first year but after seeing the guy around school more she became interested and they're together a while now. Best of luck.
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Posted 6/29/17

She probably means it
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Posted 6/29/17

hurtuoc wrote:


paul25454 wrote:


hurtuoc wrote:


Update: So I tried asking if she was back a month and a half later, she replied to me 4 days later. She said her phone froze (This feels like an excuse to me) and that she was back already. We talked a little about her trip and then I asked if she wanted to go out again sometime this week. She said she was too busy since she's in summer school and almost failed one of her classes. She also said she wants to go one day but when she isn't busy. So my question is, is she trying to tell me she isn't interested discreetly and leaving hints or can this be a case where she is legitimately busy again?


The phone freezing is believable, I wouldn't worry about it that much. It depends, how good are you on reading body language?


Not that great on reading body language


Learn it. It will help you in the long run. Listen to these ladies, they would know more than me.
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Posted 6/29/17
You should tell her you feel like she is giving you the run around and that she can just say no if she is not really interested, that its ok you just don't want to waste your time if she does not really want to hang out sometime.

But yeah I think she is shy and does not really want to hang out but felt she had to agree and give her number due to her own anxiety and now she is like shit every time you text her.
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Posted 6/29/17

KiT-basher wrote:

She's not interested. Girl will *make* time if she's really into you.


This. If she makes one excuse, it's because she's busy. If she's always making excuses, it's because she's not interested. If she really liked you, she would move around whatever she had to in order to make time for you. My advice is to keep your distance for now and try not to seem desperate. If you find yourself still having feelings for her, try asking her out again in a few weeks as friends and try to get to know her better before asking her out on a real date again.
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Posted 6/29/17
It took me way too long to realize that being yourself is the best way to keep someone interested. Girls usually know what we're thinking, so just be honest ... Generally speaking they are more experienced than we are, and will make assumptions about us based on those experiences. A guy who truly expresses himself stands above others, whatever her prerogative. If she gives you the time of day, make it count, be fearless, and don't spend too much.

Until then, give her as much space as she needs.
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Posted 6/29/17

hurtuoc wrote:

Why do girls do this, asked some of my friends and some of them told me she doesn't want to tell me she's not interested. I'd rather have someone tell me to my face "I'm not interested" or "I don't want to meet up with you", etc... not "I'm busy too this day/week". What is with this roundabout way that causes large amounts of confusion?

Because some people handle rejection poorly and a straight, "No," can lead to a confrontation. Even if you don't fly off the handle and just ask, "Why?" she'd likely feel put on the spot and might not be able to form an answer that would satisfy you.

Secondly because rejecting someone sucks. Unless you actively dislike them you're going to feel bad doing it, which adds to the temptation to delay and prevaricate in the hopes that they'll move on or lose interest on their own.
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