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When you are 24 years old and your parents still refuse to acknowledge you as an adult
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30 / M / Atlanta, GA, USA
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Posted 5/6/17 , edited 5/7/17

jcsteinmeyer wrote:

Being 24 I understand that I don't have all the knowledge of the world, but why is it every time you try to leave the nest they always have to discourage you. At least in my case they always do with comments such as "You don't know what the true cost of living on your own is don't put yourself through unnecessary troubles." Though the cost of living with my parents is already 500 a month and if I choose to stay living with my parents I must pay 700. I already pay for my own education, car, insurance, and other miscellaneous bills. Don't see how it doesn't get much more real world then that. Sorry a little venting but I really wanted to know the opinions of others or if I just had my own head stuck up my ass.


I dunno, man, people generally leave the nest because they're getting married and want a big new house for their spouse & kids.
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Posted 5/6/17 , edited 5/7/17
I know a 2 sides of this.
One my exs she paid her parents rent and bought her own food just so she could have independance and make her own decision without interference because she wanted it but her Parents still treated her like a child and it was because she was "the baby" of the family and it seems to be like that more so for girls.

Me when I turned 18 my parents saw me as adult enough to push me the fuck out of the house XD with a don't come back type of attitude.
I don't know if I should appreciate that or not but I have learned even if shit is hard sometimes to be self sufficient. I have a 42 year old drunk
Aunt who lives with her dad after her divorce (where she got plenty of money) and he pays for her Car (he joust bought her a brand new one), Cellphone, Bills. and any Medical bills she has while she blows all her money on Alchohol.


If they try to discourage you it's because they're worried about you and don't want you to get hurt. you should feel lucky you parents to care that much about you but I do understand your point. You can't learn until you expierence it. alot of time those expierences will suck. However I would love to pay only 600-700$ but that's mainly because my first apartment was running over $2000 a month when I was only making $600 with minium wage back then I literally killed myself with only 2-3 hours a sleep to work as much as possible. That's not even counting how much my girlfriend, phone, car, and internet cost.




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Posted 5/7/17 , edited 5/7/17
i know some 40+ year old children.. so 24 is nothing..

it's a case by case basis... but a person can have the body of an adult but the mind and behavior of a child..

no i'm not talking about people with development conditions


a good example would be this guy

this is the face of a man-child.. adult body with child brain

http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/nyc-crime/nyc-hedge-fund-founder-killed-son-allowance-source-article-1.2066224

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Posted 5/7/17 , edited 5/7/17
I was never treated like an adult until I moved out with my fiance. So it took me until 21 to where I felt like someone wasn't in charge of me(or trying to be at least).
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52 / M / Inside the Anime...
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Posted 5/7/17 , edited 5/7/17

jcsteinmeyer wrote:

Being 24 I understand that I don't have all the knowledge of the world, but why is it every time you try to leave the nest they always have to discourage you. At least in my case they always do with comments such as "You don't know what the true cost of living on your own is don't put yourself through unnecessary troubles." Though the cost of living with my parents is already 500 a month and if I choose to stay living with my parents I must pay 700. I already pay for my own education, car, insurance, and other miscellaneous bills. Don't see how it doesn't get much more real world then that. Sorry a little venting but I really wanted to know the opinions of others or if I just had my own head stuck up my ass.


? What are you still doing living at home?! If you're still living with your parents, you're a kid. Move out now!! before you harden into a childlike person for the rest of your life. The first step to being an adult is cutting the apron string yourself! If you are waiting for your parents blessing then you have proven yourself immature. An adult walks where and when they want. Get up, leave and start your true life. No matter how difficult, every adult must speak and act for themselves. If it means struggling with money for 10 years, then so be it. Anything else is weakness and coddling. It's also your parents being weak. A true parent has to know when to push the kid out of the nest, and deal with the empty house and the uncertainty of their childs life direction, it's all part of being a parent. believe me, I'm in my 50s and have seen a lot of what you are describing, it produces lost weak adults. Gather your strength, make your plan, and step out into the world. Everything you're ever wanted is waiting for you, you just have to go build it with your own hands. Huzzah! The old codger has spoken.....
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Posted 5/7/17 , edited 5/7/17

Rujikin wrote:


jcsteinmeyer wrote:


MysticGon wrote:

Yeah pretty much cover the basics. Utilities, insurance, rent/mortgage, food and stuff. Well to be honest your need at least 2 Gs to furnish a place and get the essentials but after the first month (which is always hard for various reasons) you should see things level off. You just need to budget and live within your means. Avoid living off a credit card if you can and once you get into a rhythm you can start saving for rainy days. Just make sure your job is a stable one. You wouldn't want to break any leases.


At my current job I make about 2k a month and I work in a hospital setting so very stable. This is why I feel very frustrated that my parents are predicting that I won't be able to handle it. I actually didn't think about the furniture as my parents said I could take some of their excess furniture, but that is a really good think to point out to others who are also thinking about moving out. Thanks for all the advice from everyone, it really gives me insight.


Stock pile cooking equipment, furniture, and bathroom stuff. Also need a vaccum and a mower if your in a house.


Dammit Rujikin, change your avatar back!! I didn't recognize you
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Posted 5/7/17 , edited 5/7/17

PeripheralVisionary wrote:

It is pretty frustrating when your parents flippantly urge you to start being more independent, then chastise you for your lack of experience and skills.

Well....yeah. Adults make mistakes too; in fact, adults have to make mistakes before they can be better adults. It is the most harmful form of coddling, to urge your children to go out on there on own when they mostly feel resentment for money woes, then have them doubt your ability because they never saw the ability one has or could have, because they never gave their children a chance to spread their wings, much less fly.

Never making mistakes only happens when one is never given a chance to make them in the first place, and you end with people like me, who did not start cooking till they were 19.

That is my personal experience, and I feel it relates.


Exactly correct, how can you become an adult without gaining adult experiences? Some things can only be figured out by the individual themselves. I's like I used to tell my Boy Scouts, get out there, get your hands on it, figure it out and then you will be the master. You can't learn how to drive a car without driving a car, you can't speak a foreign language without speaking that language. I wish more people understood this. You are wise for your age PV...Good job.
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Posted 5/7/17 , edited 5/7/17
sux
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28 / F / Overlord's Castle
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Posted 5/7/17 , edited 5/7/17
you want to be treated as an adult then go get a job and move out of your parents house already.
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29 / M
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Posted 5/8/17 , edited 5/8/17
It's pretty complicated depending on your circumstances.

Today's people our age are making less than our parents did when they were our age. Perhaps not strict numbers, but the dollar obviously doesn't go as far as it used to.

Living with family for longer nowadays is normal but you get a clash of values at times. Your parents grew up in different circumstances and might think you should be completely independent and as distinguished as they were at our age. You, on the other hand, are hindered by today's obstacles and grew up in a different environment as well. You do not have as much as they did but the pressure to feel and act like an adult has not abated.

Well, being an adult is not all about money and independence. It is about your ability to maturely make decisions, prioritize, pull through hardship, and get things done. If you have more obstacles, you will experience greater tests to your character and you will have fewer valuable possessions. You must, therefore, have an adult character even if you do not have the material possessions that an adult would have had back in the day.

Your parents might view your lack of complete autonomy as something childlike, so they continue to treat you as a child. It may also be that they don't want to see you go and want to cling on to you. Both can be pretty problematic. However, there's nothing innately wrong with living with your family if the circumstances are not favorable for complete autonomy. Saving on rent, care services, etc. benefit the family unit as a whole. It is objectively cheaper and more sensible to live together if the situation does not permit complete autonomy without extremely unnecessary cost.

Still, you should have some degree of independence as you become a greater contributor to your family unit. You need to make this clear to your family. Gone should be the days when they tell you to come back at 9pm and go to sleep after dinner and wake you up at 7am. Your parents should not be telling you that you cannot close your door when your significant other is over. Your parents should not be cleaning your room. You should be doing your own laundry and fixing broken stuff you see without your parents telling you to. You should be offering to stay home to make sure the termite inspection goes okay when your parents have work and you don't. You should be checking around the house for problems and helping make food and stuff like that. Go to school and go to work but mind your responsibilities at home. Lay out a plan with your family.
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Posted 5/8/17 , edited 5/8/17
Wooow. I know this all too well. Though I'm almost 21, I live at my parents house currently until I'm 100% financially stable to support myself and possibly getting my own place, and college, etc, which I believe is perfectly okay for a young adult. My parents (mother, mostly) is always asking where I'm at, where I'm going, who I'm with, and she'll constantly make sure I'm home at a "decent hour". It's so weird, though, because my oldest sister never got this treatment. She let my oldest sister do whatever and her and I both have discussions about why our mom only decided to be "super strict" with me, even as I'm an adult now. She still talks to me as if I'm a child/teen and it' super frustrating.
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26 / M / Ohio
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Posted 5/8/17 , edited 5/9/17
It's time to fly away from the coup.
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26 / Mexico
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Posted 5/13/17 , edited 5/13/17
Well, let me tell you something, in my case, i saw how hard and troublesome was for my parents to pay the mortgage, so now that the house is finally paid, they tell me the same, and i know definitely they're not lying. Other thing, i'm assuming that you're single and not in plans of getting married, so in my case, my parents say "instead of getting a debt, save money and then if you start family, buy a house and then you'll pay it on your own, no debts!"

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31 / Missisippi
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Posted 5/13/17 , edited 5/13/17
Shit ive been there, but ive had alot of setbacks and my life has been rough. ive oved out half a dozen times and either been the victim of a money grubbing girl, fired for no reason, and had a company just close up overnight and force me to move back home. Ive exprienced everything life can throw at you almost with being an adult. And to top it off now, i was hurt 2 years ago and im partially disabled. so now i live at home with the folks. But its with my little girl. My ex wife walked away when times got tough after the accident. So when i finally got a cash settlement i did something smart. My folks own their own land and home outright so i bought a 300 sgft cabin and its now my home. i have a living room and bedroom with more room to biuild a small kitchen and bathroom soon. i dont work right now so i don pay rent but i help out. i also get some food stamps that go a long way. its tough living with your folks. i know every week i wish i did not but since i got my apartment as i call it. things have gotten better. Sometimes living with the family can work out in your favor, instead of complaining with our folks have a talk. ask them to try and see your view. but regardless figure out what place you would pick to live. then ask friends what their utilities cost a month. then take that amount subtract the amount you pay your folks and stash that stuff in a savings account. my rough bet would be you would need to put up about 1100 a month. then after a year, move out and dont touch that money accept when you need to put a deposit down, fix your car or loose your job. BARE minimum you need 3 months savings to move out. thats 3 months of all expensives food and rent. Oh and take my other advice, never put off paying bills to go have fun. my ex wife forced me all the time to wait till next paycheck to do this and that and it always ended up biting me in the ass. oh and dont use a checking account for anything but auto draft. everyday stuff should be cash. you will never know the feeling of pure and utter misory until you have your bank take hundreds of dollars of your money because of one little day of overdrafts
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31 / Missisippi
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Posted 5/13/17 , edited 5/13/17
he has a job and pays his parents rent. you didnt read a damn thing before your comment you troll.
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