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Post Reply Is this called "pretending" or something else?
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Posted 7/6/17 , edited 7/6/17
I'll use a made up example: Regina doesn't want to be a parent at all. She sees parenting as something boring and strongly dislike children. Whenever Regina is surrounded by other people who are parents or becoming parents, she feels she has to pretend and lie. Regina can't reveal her true self because she is worried about causing some sort of tension. But she is always stressed out and mentally exhausted afterward. If someone she knows were to have a child, she rather not care or wastes her time with it. But since she knows the person, she feels she has to at least somewhat care when she rather not.

Like in this conversation:

Woman A: Hey, I have some good news!

Regina: Really? What is that?

Woman A: I'm pregnant.

Regina: Oh my gosh! That is wonderful news!

Woman A: I know right! I can't wait to be a mother!

Versus what she really wants to say:

Woman A: Hey, I have some good news!

Regina: Really? What is that?

Woman A: I'm pregnant.

Regina: Meh, you're just like everyone else on this planet. That doesn't really make it good news.

Woman A:


Pretty much Regina wants to stop pretending and lying to herself but she doesn't want to start any conflict. She also doesn't want to change herself either. It's really frustrating to her because she doesn't know what to do. Sure she can get away from the problem, but it will always find itself to her somehow.

What do you call someone like Regina? Is there a word for what she is going through?
What do you think?



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Posted 7/6/17 , edited 7/7/17
Sociopathy?

xD
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Posted 7/6/17 , edited 7/7/17

sundin13 wrote:

Sociopathy?

xD


You gotta explain more.
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Posted 7/6/17 , edited 7/7/17
Literally everyone "pretends". The whole of humanity chooses to wear a mask that makes us more socialable and likeable while hiding your true self from literally everyone, and we all agree not to talk about it.

If you become like your so call Regina, you're just a dumb-ass pretending to be an edgelord even though everyone is thinking the same thing but choosing not to act upon it because that would make them a social outcast.

also, literally literally, literal literality literal litteral
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Posted 7/6/17 , edited 7/6/17

HateKillingCamels wrote:

Literally everyone "pretends". The whole of humanity chooses to wear a mask that makes us more socialable and likeable while hiding your true self from literally everyone, and we all agree not to talk about it.

If you become like your so call Regina, you're just a dumb-ass pretending to be an edgelord even though everyone is thinking the same thing but choosing not to act upon it because that would make them a social outcast.


So, it is pretending in a way.
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Posted 7/6/17 , edited 7/6/17

qualeshia3 wrote:

So, it is pretending in a way.


Yes, everyone is pretending.
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Posted 7/6/17 , edited 7/6/17

qualeshia3 wrote:


sundin13 wrote:

Sociopathy?

xD


You gotta explain more.


Well, it was partially a joke, but I think most people are able to feel empathy. When someone you care about is happy, you feel happy. I know when my friend got married, I was super happy for him even though I don't really ever plan on getting married. So if someone you know is telling you news that makes them happy, a normal person would typically feel happy about it.

A sociopath is often characterized as someone who lacks empathy and is often accomplished at lying. That said, it was a joke. I don't really think that the person you described is a sociopath. I think a sociopath would have more selfish goals and be more manipulative to try to achieve those goals. Maybe something like depression and insecurity would fit better, but it's hard to say from such a small tidbit.

If you want a word or phrase to describe it, maybe "putting up a front/facade".
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Posted 7/6/17 , edited 7/6/17
Regina is you, right?
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Posted 7/6/17 , edited 7/7/17

HateKillingCamels wrote:


qualeshia3 wrote:

So, it is pretending in a way.


Yes, everyone is pretending.


Alright. Regina pretends in order to fake happiness. In the end, it's making her upset because she doesn't want to pretend anymore.
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Posted 7/6/17 , edited 7/6/17

sundin13 wrote:


qualeshia3 wrote:


sundin13 wrote:

Sociopathy?

xD


You gotta explain more.


Well, it was partially a joke, but I think most people are able to feel empathy. When someone you care about is happy, you feel happy. I know when my friend got married, I was super happy for him even though I don't really ever plan on getting married. So if someone you know is telling you news that makes them happy, a normal person would typically feel happy about it.

A sociopath is often characterized as someone who lacks empathy and is often accomplished at lying. That said, it was a joke. I don't really think that the person you described is a sociopath. I think a sociopath would have more selfish goals and be more manipulative to try to achieve those goals. Maybe something like depression and insecurity would fit better, but it's hard to say from such a small tidbit.

If you want a word or phrase to describe it, maybe "putting up a front/facade".



Oh, alright then.
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Posted 7/6/17 , edited 7/6/17

LingLingJuju wrote:

Regina is you, right?


No.
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Posted 7/6/17 , edited 7/6/17

qualeshia3 wrote:

Alright. Regina pretends in order to fake happiness. In the end, it's making her upset because she doesn't want to pretend anymore.


Then Regina doesn't have to, and can choose to bask in the fake sympathy that the people around her will pretend to give her because it's what they think is the right thing to do, but in reality they won't care.
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Posted 7/6/17 , edited 7/6/17

HateKillingCamels wrote:


qualeshia3 wrote:

Alright. Regina pretends in order to fake happiness. In the end, it's making her upset because she doesn't want to pretend anymore.


Then Regina doesn't have to, and can choose to bask in the fake sympathy that the people around her will pretend to give her because it's what they think is the right thing to do, but in reality they won't care.


Okay then.
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Posted 7/6/17 , edited 7/6/17

qualeshia3 wrote:

I'll use a made up example: Regina doesn't want to be a parent at all. She sees parenting as something boring and strongly dislike children.


This is normal. Before you are a parent yourself, you will not get it. Whatever you think or feel about parenting, positive or negative, is an absolutely uninformed opinion.

The same applies when you think you want nothing more than to be a parent. You don't get it. You think stuff, but you have no reason to think it. You don't know what you're talking about.


Whenever Regina is surrounded by other people who are parents or becoming parents, she feels she has to pretend and lie.


But she doesn't. You can not like or want something yourself, and still allow other people to like and want that thing anyway.


Regina can't reveal her true self because she is worried about causing some sort of tension. But she is always stressed out


See? She is already causing tension. She is causing it for herself, because she is afraid the tension when she says what she thinks will be worse. But tension is tension. Why keep it all to yourself when you can share it with your friends?

Sure, it's tense when some people in a group like Hawaiian pizza and the other people are not fucking crazy. But you can order two kinds of pizza and everyone can eat the pizza they like without anyone making anyone else feel stupid or crazy.

When the Hawaiian pizza people are out of the room, of course, the normal people can all make fun of them.



Woman A: I'm pregnant.

Regina: Meh, you're just like everyone else on this planet. That doesn't really make it good news.


The word for this is "bitch." Regina should never ever ever say this out loud. It's okay to think it, but seriously what the actual fuck.
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Posted 7/6/17 , edited 7/6/17
im only pretending to be a fat orange male cat
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