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Post Reply Is your story interesting? [based on title + summary ]
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Posted 7/8/17
This is a simple game:

1. Comment on the title + summary above yours, rating it from 1 to 10.
1.2. If possible, tell the author above how they could make it better.
2. Comment your title + summary.
3. Wait for the next comment.

WARNING: Don't be rude in any case. Be honest, but don't offend, humiliate or fight in this thread.



My Turn:

Title:
Imperatoria: Throne of Iron, Crown of Glass

Summary:
Gaia and the space colonies located on the Gaia's moon known as SPHERE have been enemies since the Crimson Massacre. Neo-Sapiens(superhuman beings) live on SPHERE but still suffer from the strict authority and tight grip that Gaia has on them. Promethean(humans) live on Gaia and refuse to live among side Neo-Sapiens, even though some never left the planet. SPHERE wants independence from Gaia yet the Gaia Federation wants to have a stern authority over them and control them. This eventually led to brutal confrontations which resulted in the nuclear bombing of a space colony. Thus, starting the Crimson Massacre which lasted for ten long years. After the war, twenty years later, the tension between the two species is still there but slowly decreasing. Meanwhile, Arch-Emperor Leonardo Maximilian unexpectedly died leaving no heir to inherit the throne of Gaia. Michelangelo, his younger brother took the throne and became the new reigning Arch-Emperor of Gaia. Because there is no Arch-King to stand by his side due to the former Arch-King dying unexpectedly like Leonardo. Michelangelo decides to appoint Josidiah Perdove as the Arch-King, who is already the Former King of Delimbiyra and member of the Perdove Dynasty. Josidiah is also Michelangelo's most trusted friend. When Josidiah is told through a phone call that Leonardo was murdered by the Constantine Dynasty, he decides to become the Arch-King in order to protect Michelangelo and the realm, even after the accident that left his son Lhoris comatose. Thus, Josidiah moves to Kethryllia with his daughters Aerilaya, Shalendra, and Chasianna. Three sons Kelren, Lhoris and Fenian are left at Delimbiyra and he allows his illegitimate son Castien Vaxalim to go with Rania Perdove, his older sister, to join SAVIOR.
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Posted 7/8/17
You know, you could at least respond to your older "how interesting is X aspect of your story" threads before starting a new one -_-
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Posted 7/9/17

octorockandroll wrote:

You know, you could at least respond to your older "how interesting is X aspect of your story" threads before starting a new one -_-


You really want me to post something in one of my older creative threads. How sweet of you, I guess.
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Posted 7/9/17 , edited 7/9/17
There are a few problems with your story. Firstly, I feel I should point out the title, because I think that you can probably see why a "throne of iron" would seem cliche given what series of books is currently extremely popular. I'm not saying you shouldn't have it in the story, but it's not going to make the best first impression if included in the title. There's also the name you gave to the moon, SPHERE". That's not a very good moon name, unless I missed something and it's an artificial satellite that the characters call a moon. Otherwise I don't really see the point of the name or why ever letter is capitalized.

There's also some inconsistency in the names of the races. Calling the more evolved race "Neo sapiens" works, but not when you change the name of the Homo sapiens sapiens to something that neglects the sapiens part since that removes the connection between the two races. I don't even really understand the new name you gave the normal people either. Why Prometheans? Wouldn't it make more sense for those with the people with the superhuman gifts to be connected to Prometheus? Also, this is mostly me being a nitpicky science dork, but I strongly suggest renaming the "Neo sapiens" to something that involves the term "Homo" as that would be more scientifically accurate. To put it simply, the sapiens are only one stop in the long evolutionary line known as Hominids, and if an organism were to evolve beyond our current form, the Homo sapiens sapiens, it would lose the sapiens part and keep the Homo.

Back on topic, the name "Crimson Massacre" is also somewhat of a misnomer since you seem to be describing a war, and not a single skirmish. I'm also not sure about naming certain characters after famous Victorian era painters. It's just a bit weird when the Ninja Turtles do it so famously but that may just be me.

The rest of the synopsis is pretty good, I would definitely be down to read it if not for the issues I mentioned. I especially like the idea of someone who may not be qualified getting put in a position of absolute power and how that may work in a sci-fi setting. If there was one more thing I would recommend changing it's to write the synopsis itself a bit differently. It's kind of cluttered by the high quantity of names in it and I wasn't able to determine the theme of the story from it.

Summary:
With bored citizens and a lack of local attractions, the government of planet Verucca has decided to conquer Earth, as the planet is the perfect fit for their plans to build the universe's 4th biggest planetary theme park. Unfortunately, a janitorial strike across the planet's weapons factories has drastically limited their arms. In spite of this setback, President Miliar Disseminatus Facius II sends two high ranking military officials, General Fistul and Commander Keloid to make the humans surrender Earth without damaging it. Luckily, Veruccian intelligence has acquired an enormous portion of Earth's pop culture media. This strategic advantage will allow the two heroes to find all of what humans are most afraid of when it comes to aliens. Using an assortment of films, novels, comic books and video games, these brave soldiers will conquer Earth by hitting humanity where it hurts the most.
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Posted 7/9/17


Thanks a lot for being critical and all.

Anyway, about the title of the story, you have no idea how challenging it was to come up with something. I was hurting my brain trying to think of something good that fits both science-fiction and fantasy. It was very hard. SPHERE is the name of the space colonies located on the moon not the name of the moon itself. The reason why I capitalized the word is that I have it stand for something. I don't know what that is yet or maybe I might have it lowercase and not stand for anything.

Neo-Sapiens are just a new breed of humans. They are humans with superpowers. I just choose Prometheans out of random because of how cool it sounded but I may have to stick with the word "human" instead. I guess I can name the superhuman species Promethean and leave the humans to be called human or Gaians. Yeah, I kind of like Gaian.

What you are saying about the Crimson Massacre makes sense. I probably just threw that in there just because. I might change the names of some of the characters to fit the story a bit better.


You never gave me a rating though.




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Posted 7/9/17

qualeshia3 wrote:



Thanks a lot for being critical and all.

Anyway, about the title of the story, you have no idea how challenging it was to come up with something. I was hurting my brain trying to think of something good that fits both science-fiction and fantasy. It was very hard. SPHERE is the name of the space colonies located on the moon not the name of the moon itself. The reason why I capitalized the word is that I have it stand for something. I don't know what that is yet or maybe I might have it lowercase and not stand for anything.

Neo-Sapiens are just a new breed of humans. They are humans with superpowers. I just choose Prometheans out of random because of how cool it sounded but I may have to stick with the word "human" instead. I guess I can name the superhuman species Promethean and leave the humans to be called human or Gaians. Yeah, I kind of like Gaian.

What you are saying about the Crimson Massacre makes sense. I probably just threw that in there just because. I might change the names of some of the characters to fit the story a bit better.


You never gave me a rating though.




Well I'm not going to give ratings, since those are by design intended for consumerist criticism whereas we are engaging in constructive criticism.

You never gave any opinion on my summary though.
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Posted 7/10/17 , edited 7/10/17
I dunno about consumerist criticism idea (well there is also rating in many editorial standards,least in Novel Writing ).

Yet to go along with Your story theme octorockandroll and be slightly original (in Nicolas Cage way) I give tour summary:


^^^SCORING INSIDE^^^

Honestly - while I can more or less expect comedy x parody show from this summary it is quite unpredictable due to many factors (like usage of references or overall plot pacing) to determine whether it would be gold or ... something else. I guess summary is indeed something that Nabeshin himself would have had a hand in but it all still seems like thing that possibly could fail on many levels (thus my respect for You) and even if succeeds it would be a bit of nishe thing (still those things tend to have cult following later on )

It's hard to give any hints at this point though since it's one of those stories where storytelling would be more crucial that setting itself. All I can do is to wish you luck and advice to keep up the good work.
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And now my turn *sigh* up front - while I am pretty good at making excessive notes or character synopsis - I am terrible when it comes to short synopsis. Well let's give it a go. If project goes well it'll hit onto my patreon and mangafox so summary would need to be created at some point. Before anyone notes it - yup it is side-story doujin.

Title:
Tales of Beasts and Heroes

Summary:
Welcome to Divine Continent where only large and strong communities such as Glory City can bask in the privilege of safety, while detached and small villages miraculously prevailing among the old ruins perish on daily basis. The true beginning of this story is set ten years prior to when our main heroes would meet. It was on this fateful day when passing by mysterious old man found in decimated village a small girl hiding within pile of monster corpses. Small sole survivor by chance? By sheer luck? Maybe, but unlikely. As the girl piques interest of the old traveler her life will continue yet turned into a life many would consider a continuous torment. Entangled from this moment on in a way more than a mere fight for survival.
Ten years later for the first time in a long while she'll be faced with defeat. But same time she'll forge bonds with other people for the first time since she was a small child.The story revolves around underworld deals, ancient lore and dangerous organizations - all not known to regular citizens and much less accessible even to those who are aware of them. As it descends into more dire situations the main characters evolve in both strength and mentality. Keen strategist, cheerful and capable girl, master swordsman and martial artist of the wastes and mysterious girl which is a weirdo in her upbringing, origin and most definitely capabilities.

Afterword:
Story setting is in Wuxia world so - yeah - a lot of fighting, martial arts, mysticism. Same time I want to give it at time this 'dark underground' type of feel which will be seemingly balanced by more cheerful characters and/or situational humor. All in all I hope for good balance and quite 'Shounen-like" story with quite good focus on 4 main characters stories (intentionally summary haves more or less one brought directly). Same time my aim is to give some varying interesting main cast female characters. Those can be amazing and are often neglected a bit in shounen stories (I wanna make'em Badass XD)
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Posted 7/15/17
Title OC!MC! The Howitzer Sisters

Summary: Three unlikely soldiers in the Bushido PMC group embark on one final mission to buy their freedom. They will travel across Astarios meeting eccentric foes and making some unusual allies. A tongue in cheek tale, with over the top action and colorful characters.



You can get it for free at http:\\www.project-astarios.com
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Posted 7/30/17
Not too sure about this. The title is kind of confusing, the artwork looks kind of generic, the plot sounds like it could go in some interesting directions but the summary doesn't really gove anything special and the character designs are on the dull side, though I think the one at the bottom looks okay. I'm not all that into this story, but at the same time it's hard to really fault something free since it's not asking anything of you except time.

Summary:
I'm not going to make any pretenses, my idea is an idea for a shonen battle manga. I know, I know, everyone and their howitzer sister has an idea like that, but it honestly pisses me off that we don't have one themed around horror. I mean we have a ninja shonen battle series, a pirate shonen battle series, a mobster shonen battle series, several grim reaper shonen battle series and we even had a shonen battle series based around tattoos yet classic horror monsters never seem to have gotten a shot at their own battle manga and that just isn't fair.

Anyway, the story would be set in a world where all the creatures humanity thought of as superstition exist, but they reside in a different realm known as the underworld (basically an expanded version of the christian interpretation of hell) people have become aware of the underworlders' existence as the latter have been crossing to our world more and more lately, but this has only happened fairly recently so fear and prejudice are rampant. It doesn't help that some of the underworlders have flat out attacked people and even those that try to peacefully integrate are thought to be violent and dangerous. Our protagonist is named Saleos, he's a demon who is an outsider in both the underworld and human world. He lives in the human world at an inner city kickboxing gym where he spends his days alongside his friends and fellow students. Despite being widely rejected outside of his domicile he does not miss the underworld and would probably have completely forgotten it if it were not for his lone fellow demon friend from there who frets over him. All seems well until a disgraced vampire lord crosses over to the human world, leading his forces on a widespread attack on humanity and he claims Saleos is involved somehow.
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Posted 7/30/17
To be honest it sounds like any other Urban Fantasy novel except you're using a suburb of Hell for your monster spawn instead of something else. Examples below from my own book collection.

I like that your protagonist isn't continually pining for home, but I doubt he could forget about it, unless he's also able to forget he isn't human (unlikely). The idea of having him teach a martial art allows the classic "I teach how to fight, but that doesn't mean I'm a psycho" problem and I like that you've given yourself that option. Good move.

The Dresden Files is similar, using the Faery Courts of Winter and Summer for it's non-humans as well as having three vampire types and normal evil human mages as enemies.

Rivers of London (the name of the first book, I'm not sure if the series has a name overall) uses semi-classic pagan mythology and ghosts, but doesn't have them "spawn" from somewhere, they're just keeping away from human civilisation. Again, the active hostiles are evil mages. Some of the non-humans are antagonistic, but not "kill all humans" hostile.

Another series I don't think has a series title is from Benedict Jacka and is elemental and other magic types living alongside the modern world. The mages are really powerful and there's some monsters as well (thankfully no vampires though). Oddly, the magic world has almost no connection to the human world except they're on the same planet. I'm not sure if that's deliberate or an oversight by the author.



My own offering, not started yet as I'm practising on something unrelated to see if it's even worth trying properly
Semi-Standard Fantasy Setting, magic infused into society with mages being socially powerful and influential depending on their skill and power. There's no orcs or elves and monsters are generally hostile to humans. Undead do exist and can be spontaneous or deliberately created.

Summary - The hero is a sort of high ranking General Assistant in a magical University who has the least amount of magic possible to allow him to help teach students. He also works in the libraries as well as an occasional PA for university mages and has a lot of knowledge of magic and non-magic even though he can't cast any spells. He gets killed and resurrected as a skeleton with the power of a Lich and to survive he has to escape his city into the countryside. He travels the continent, collecting a few undead followers and goes to a failed mine system in mountains within the artic circle. There he uses undead to reopen the mines, set up metal processing and working operations and start trading with the living. He hopes this will gain him acceptance in the Kingdom as he'll be improving their economy and also show the rest of his world (one part of a continent), that not all the undead actually need to be destroyed on sight (although most of them do so this is going to be an uphill battle)
Posted 8/3/17 , edited 8/3/17
Interesting. 7.9/10

Do Me!

Title: The Iron Dragon

Summary: The most powerful dragon has been cursed as a human. To find a way to restore his original form, he takes advantage of a blind magician with unique powers, whom takes it as a love confession. Bonds will be played with, enemies will become friends, and a one sided love story that no cares about is about to get chaotic.

You can read it here or not because it's meant to be a non serious gag comic.

https://m.tapas.io/series/The-Iron-Dragon
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i created this anime a few years ago when i was 15, just so you know my english wasn't good enough and this describing the episodes

Episode 1
Hizami have a weird dream (is related to his parents), he is woken up by his little sister Hiyu, they both live peacefully in a village with an old lady called Mirna and few more people, the people of the village are attacked a monster, Hiyu stand in front of Hizami to protect him, Izumi attack but Hizami grab her (she loses her left arm), he starts running away, when is morning he start yelling for help, and crying over her body, she's really weak, she dies and he collapse.
Episode 2
Hizami have a dream involving Hiyu, he wake up really agitated, a person explain that he was found by a Aincyt team, the team introduce them selfs to him and Soni invite him to the Asis, (the soldiers of the Asis have a suit and the captain have a different one) he dresses a suit and go to a place designated for training (He is overwhelmed by hate), Soni explain how the Senchi works, the Sechi can be used in all body but is much easy to control from the palm of the hand and feet, they have three types, transparent, blue and black, the sechi of the captain is black, the Sechi of Hizami is transparent with a little of blue, a regular soldier normally take 5 mouths to acquire the complete blue Sechi, during the first 5 days Hizami maintain a distance to the other members of the team and just focus on training his Sechi and Nechi, in the end he is able to create a blue Sechi from his hands, everyone is impressed with his incredible development, in the next day during his training he see a woman that seem to be a important person in the Asis, she say that her name is Harumi and that she is impressed with his development and his history, he go to his bed to sleep and think that now he will finally be able to achieve his objective.
Episode 3
The team of Hizami receive a mission (the team is the12th of that division), a large group of Kishi is coincidentally heading to Aincyt City, the teams are designated to stay in a determined location and stop every monster from passing by, in this mission Hizami saves Merim from being eat, he said that he won’t let anyone die anymore, Soni have problems using his Senchi and start to don't feel very well, after the mission ends the relation between Hizami and his group is relatively increased, they check the Aincyt Rank of Division 7 (AR of D.7), it show the rank of the Senchi of the soldiers of the 7th division:

1º Soni
2º Nayako
3º Zay
4º Ogura
5º Hizami
6º Yako
7º Isis
8º Marry
9º Keioshi
10º Line

Everyone is impressed with Hizami’s rank, Karmem comment that her brother’s name is Nayako, the leader of the team 5 and that she have to try hard if she want to reach his level, they stop a woman from killing her self, her name is Hanni, she explain that her family mysteriously disappeared in the middle of the night, even after she contact the authorities they didn't give her a proper answer, she said that she investigated and discovered that other people also have someone of his family disappeared and they were also ignored by the authorities, the 12th team promise to help her.
Episode 4
They investigate with Hanni and discover that a unknown organisation is kidnapping people for some unknown reason, they stop them in an attempt of kidnapping a family, they give all the information they had to the government of Asis (this time they had proof), according to the team, the government united with the Naru clan to create the Aincyt, the government maintain the order inside of the Aincyt while the Naru clan lidded by Harumi Naru and Yashima Tosein take care of the military and the eradication of the Kishi.
Episode 5
Soni go crazy, he turn him self into a Kishi and eat Merim, the team see a lot of blood, Hizami follow some traces and see someone escaping, he and his team follows him for a long path, the person enter in a castle followed by the 12th team, they split into two groups, Hizami, Marry; Yako, Gizu and Karmem, the first group find disturbing things, something knock down Marry and take her away, Hizami try to get her back but he also is knock down by something extremely strong.
Episode 6 - A Silent Cry
Hizami wake up, he have his movements are restricted and he notice that all his team is in the same position, he notice that something is eating one of his friends, he yell at this thing and it give attention to Hizami, Hizami notice that it is his leader Soni, he explain that when someone have a big injury, his Senchi is automatically activated to heal it, in that way he can eat the same person a lot of times, after a lot of time, all his team lost the capacity of regeneration and was eaten, the only one who is left is Hizami
A flashback of the past of Hizami that he forgot.
Episode 7
He escape using a new colour of Sechi and kill Soni, then he goes to the place where the throne of the castle is, there he find someone that introduces him self has Izumi.
Izumi say that he was waiting for him a long time, Hizami battle a little with Izumi, after that, he say that he want the help of Hizami in his plan and to give a reason to Hizami cooperate with him he say the truth of the Yakishi and the Senchi:
The son of a brilliant doctor named Harden Hains was born with a extremely rare decease and because of that he will die soon, Harden stayed in his lab for months and tried everything to make his son survive but at this rate he will just keep getting worse, the doctor became extreme and obsessive, he start all kinds of disturbing experiments trying to extend the son’s life, but in the end he just created a monster that eats humans, he start kidnapping people, putting them in cages and feeding the monster, but every time that he was fed the monster get stronger to compensate the corrosion of the decease, after a while he was too much strong and escaped, destroying everything in the way, the government take measures but they are all powerless against the monster, after that the monster start killing and destroying cities near him (after that the government start calling the monster of Yechi), the government receive help from Harumi Naru (Leader of the Naru clan), Harumi Naru asks for the help of Harden since she wanted to restrict the Yechi and study him, he accept and gives all the information that he had about the Yechi and start working with others scientists about a way of stopping it, they restrict the Yechi in a underground laboratory, the others scientists show pure disrespect with Harden, Harden is a master in surgery and find a way of changing his face with the famous doctor named Yashima Tosein with a surgery, then he kill the real doctor and takes his place, Harden is declared dead, the government don't punish Yashima (Harden), Harden start disturbing experiments with the relatives of Yashima (a mother, and two young brothers) for find a way of finishing his research.
Episode 8
The mother died but the young brother (Izumi Tosein) and the older (Kiya Tosein) survived and became a Yakishi, they were a little different from the Yechi since he had a human part, Harumi Naru suspected that Harden death was suspicious and start investigating, she found out what Harden was doing, but instead of trying to free Izumi, she find her self interest in Harden’s research, she say to the doctor that she wants his skills and his research for completing her research of super-humans, Harden accept and both start working together in a modern laboratory, Harumi start using humans for experiments for the first time, the two of them make an endlessly number of experiments with Izumi, Kiya and others to finish the research, they create what they call it Senchi, it’s a surgery that can change a human to a super-human but it’s not so much different from the Yakishi power, someone infiltrated in the laboratory leak the information to a rival clan that try to spread the truth of the Naru clan, Harden spread the virus in the air, in that way almost all the country will be contaminated, he also offered that information to outside of the country for the other nations near them close frontiers, with the influence of the Naru clan he put the blame on the rival clan that is ended after that, after the government enter in crisis they ask for the help of the Naru clan after being rejected by all the close nations.
Episode 9
The government organise a meeting with Harumi, she shows the results of the research hiding all the inconvenient facts and in a superficial way to the politicians, she says that she will create a force against the Kishi called Asis, she say that it’s impossible to kill the Yechi, so they will place the Yechi inside of the Asis, she asks for the help of the government to build a big city named Aincyt (it will take 3 years to be constructed), he estimate that 95% of the people of the country will be infected or be eaten, the 5% that survive will be relocated to a safe places until the Aincyt is constructed, they can’t hope for outside help since the other nations closed frontiers, the Yakishi of the laboratory experiments is abandoned to starve to death, Harumi cried, all the Yakishi prisoners have they hands stuck in the wall, Kiya eat his arms to free himself and then he free Izumi but after that he collapse and die, Izumi get out of the facility.
Episode 10
Izumi notice that there are other Yakishi around the country, they are extremely rare and usually aggressive because their hunger can’t be controlled, Izumi recruit them for his group, one of them is really unstable, his name his Soni and he worships Izumi, his group make a base in a abandoned castle, Izumi send Soni to infiltrate in the Aincyt and collect data, he discover that when a Yakishi receive the Senchi, he are able to use both power, but also, he starts getting sick and becoming more unstable for some unknown reason, Soni became a captain of a team, a Yakishi group lidded by Izumi coincidentally see another Yakishi (Mirna), when she refuses to enter their group and neither let them pass through her to protect her village, they attack but Mirna kill almost all of them, Izumi kills her easily when she try to attack him, Izumi slaughter the village except Hizami and Hiyu, Izumi ask for Soni to invite Hizami for the Asis (he wanted someone inside of the Asis that he can control to destroy it but Soni was dying).
Episode 11
Izumi ask that Hizami create an opportunity to kill Harden Hains, since Soni died, he don't have any other person infiltrated in the Asis, Hizami accept working with Izumi but warn him that he kill him after that, Hizami goes back to Aincyt City, 3 persons was waiting for him, Nayako Yerg and his two friends Zay and Ogura, after a small talk (Hizami say that all of his are dead including Karmem), Nayako gets angry at Hizami and attack him, Hizami kill him and after seeing that the two others attack Hizami, Hizami kill them too but he get some big injuries considering that he was still weak after all he get through a few hours ago, he try to reach the hospital but he pass out due to blood loss, he wake up and see that his injuries were all treated by a woman, he remember that her name was Hanni, he get up, she try to stop him but he don’t stop, she say that she found a meaning in life when she help save a family a long time ago and decided to continue saving people, the only thing she asks is that if she isn't able to do that he would do in her place, he stay silent and get out of the room, he see 6 soldiers outside, they say that they receive orders of scouting him to the council where he will be judged by the government, there Hizami say that all his team including the captain was killed by Kishi and the fight against the Senchi soldiers was in self defence to the council, they get piss off with him and want to give him a big sentence but they are stopped in the middle of the judgement by Yashima (Harden), he explains that after all Hizami get through, a punishment would only be worse, the council Immediately cancel the punishment, Hizami call Yashima by his real name (Harden), the interest of Harumi in Hizami is increased and Harden became preoccupied.
Episode 13
Hizami get close to Harumi to find a chance of killing Harden, Harumi make a black suit for Hizami, Harden want to know how Hizami knew the truth and start investigating him.
Episode 14
Hizami lure Harden to where Izumi is, the two fight each other, Izumi kill Harden and have huge injuries, the alarm is set up because of the fight, Harumi goes there and find Harden dead, Izumi wanted to kill Harumi but he don’t have any other choice but to run away, after Harden death, the control of the Asis is passed to Harumi but she don’t do anything and leave all duties behind because the only thing she want is to stay with Hizami (she became obsessive with him after Harden death), Hizami don't find any utility on her, she say that she knows the Senchi better than anyone and that she can make him a lot much powerful so he can kill Izumi and revenge her.
Episode 15
Izumi start working in the other part of his plan, he start losing his mind and becoming more insane and obsessive, Harumi say to Hizami that the power of the Senchi come with the pills and the pills are made of human flesh, the best way to improve someone Senchi would be eating humans, she show him a lot of humans that would be used to create pills, he hesitate in the beginning but then he eat them, when he test his power he discover that his Sechi and his Nechi ability are evolved extremely.
Episode 16
Izumi invade the Aincyt with an army of Yakishi, he kill Harumi and free the Yechi in the middle of the city, all the government structure is destroyed (all the people of the government die when it happen), also a lot of citizen die and all the soldiers of the city of all divisions try to stop the Yechi and the Yakishi invasion but they don't have enough power, Hizami try to stop the Yechi but is stopped by Izumi, the both fight each other.
Episode 17
Izumi dies; the soldiers stop the Yakishi but they aren't able to stop the Yechi, with the help of Hizami and the other divisions that finally get there, they were able to stop the Yechi, after, the Asis is remade with the survivors and they continue to carry on the duty of protecting the Aincyt but this time with Hizami in charge.


Addicted Information
1 - After the end of the construction of the Aincyt, Harden show his true intention to whats left of the government that exists inside of the Aincyt, the government is obligated by Harden to help kidnap citizen to be used for creating the pills of the soldiers
2 - The Senchi soldiers don't know that Yakishi exists but they do know that the Kishi can variety a lot in strength
3 - Harden usually stay underground with his son and because of that Harumi normally stay alone
4 - Yakishi and Kishi can differentiate a human and a Kishi by the smell
5 - To protect her village, Mirna starts eating any Kishi close to the village.
6 - The Senchi soldiers have human teeth and relatively normal digestion process, thats why they would have a hard time eating a human body
7 - The Naru clan became responsible for the insurance of the people when the Asis started being constructed and because of that it took the place of the government little by little.

if you liked it, check out my site, https://www.astondville.me/names
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Posted 8/13/17
oh god, i regret showing this to world
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Posted 8/13/17

HizamiHidekiHarune wrote:

oh god, i regret showing this to world


You wasn't suppose to do it like that. Read the instructions first then post.
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Posted 8/17/17

Element01 wrote:

Interesting. 7.9/10

Do Me!

Title: The Iron Dragon

Summary: The most powerful dragon has been cursed as a human. To find a way to restore his original form, he takes advantage of a blind magician with unique powers, whom takes it as a love confession. Bonds will be played with, enemies will become friends, and a one sided love story that no cares about is about to get chaotic.

You can read it here or not because it's meant to be a non serious gag comic.

https://m.tapas.io/series/The-Iron-Dragon


So your story is a comedy that focus on the relationship between two characters. Without reading the link, I will give it a 5/10 for little originality.

Title: Fall of Russian Monarchy

Summary
The story take place in Russia during the Steam Revolution. The highly corrupt and inefficient Russian king has failed to manage the Steam Revolution so the invisible hand of revolution decide to overthrow the Russian king and hand Russia over to the Communists. The Russian king refuse to surrender his power and decide to massacre the Communist rebels. Despite his effort and ruthlessness, the Russian king end up losing to the Communists who massacre the whole Russian royal family in rage.

The story begin with the protagonist who is a Russian boy from a noble family. His father has been (justifiably) killed by a peasant revolt and he had taken refuge in U.S. with a remant of Russian loyalists. Despite the massacre of the Russian royal family, the loyalists decide to take back Russia with the support of America with the hope that some of members of the royal family may still be alive. Being raised in a noble family, the protagonist had a positive view toward the loyalists and shun the Communist rebels although he is beginning to doubt his perspective. By encountering a new perspective that challenge his support toward the loyalists, the protaginist will face moral delimma as he has to decide whether to fight against the Communists or make compromise with them.
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