Post Reply Creating some original characters for a fanfiction game I'm making, want feedback on character design
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Posted 7/15/17
So.... I'm writing the story for a fanfiction game, it's a project I have been working on for about a year now XD. (The story of my game revolves around the idea of all fictional characters from your favorite anime and shows being stuck in the real world, I decided in order for a story like that to not be chaotic I should add a common ally and enemy which characters could side with, aka, a stupid reason to get away with putting my own original characters in the game, the game will be a multi-perspective game, meaning you can play as one character and see their story from the moment they got trapped on this earth to the moment they die, and then play another character, and see another part of the story. Oh, and the game is in first-person and is open-world, well, mostly-open-world)

Anyway, Here's the original characters I made, idea being that in a multi-perspective game where you can play as any character, embracing diversity of gameplay between each character would be a key element.

Character #1: Nomiya Nadeshiko - Nomiya is the leader of the legendary 6, which is basically the black ops of the angel army. She is about 6' tall and wears a Hakama and Gi, a typical outfit worn by people practicing kendo. Nomiya's personality, or lack there of, she is a very serious woman who rarely smiles or feels emotion, all she cares, is that she gets the objective done with all her allies alive. Nomiya, out of all my original characters, has the longest back story, she is 2.4 million years old, she was trained and raised as warrior of God ever since she could walk, she eventually climbed up the ranks as a skilled warrior, until she became 3rd in command, Satan at the time was still an angel, but, he rebelled, after that moment, Nomiya took Satan's place as leader of the Legendary 6. On Nomiya's first mission, she and her team were to take over a demon fortress, however, Nomiya's teammates all died, leaving Nomiya as the only survivor. Nomiya, after that moment, fearing anyone who joins might die, decided to never let another person on to the team, believing that God only needs one Legendary member. a million years later, Nomiya became the warrior she is, taking on missions head-on without any assistance, however, she has one weakness, that is that she is afraid to have others help her. God sent a man named Matthias, to fight alongside her. Nomiya's weaponry consist of primarily using a bow and arrow, which has two firing modes, single shot, and triple shot, triple shot does more damage, but is very inaccurate and only good for mid-range at best. Nomiya's second weapon is her 1" bore muzzle-loading musket, which is fired over-the-shoulder. This weapon is powerful and will kill almost anything in one shot, at the cost of taking a whole 1 minute 30 seconds to reload. Nomiya's melee weapon is a three-pointed spear, with this spear, Nomiya can stab away at enemies, all while being several feet away from harm, however, the spear is a big weapon and can't be used inside a building. Nomiya has her second melee weapon, her katana, all angels must have their signature weapon, a sword, though Nomiya prefers not to use her sword. This sword is made of the highest quality steel in the Heavens, which is completely indestructible once forged, allowing Nomiya to do things she couldn't do with any other sword, such as stop a laser sword, or, accidentally drop her sword in lava and be able to just fish it out. However, this sword does not possess magical abilities, instead, Nomiya uses brute skill to win her fights. When playing as Nomiya, you have to make the decision of what weapon in her arsenal is best for the job, and, when in melee combat, you have to do things like properly time attacks and counterattack, as Nomiya you can't just whack the enemy repeatedly with a sword like characters do in anime. All that said, this character is supposed to be a difficult character to play, for people who like games like Dark Souls, or Ghosts n' Goblins.

Character #2: Matthias Faulhaber - Matthias is a powerful knight of the Lord whom wears the Armor of God and the Sword of the Spirit! oh, and of course, the Shield of Faith. Matthias is about 7' 5" and has a super-hot 6 pack, he can bench press 1000lbs, which is important when your armor weighs 300lbs! Matthias is always courageous in battle and is a symbol of hope to humans that live in Heaven. Matthias's armor is his main power, his armor is bulletproof, blade-proof, and even magic-proof, however, there are some things that can get through this armor, such as armor-piercing bullets or, fire, which can cook Matthias from the inside, oh, and this armor does not protect his back, so, never show your back to the enemy. Matthias also wears the Belt of Truth, which protects him from any form of illusion magic or mind tricks, although the Belt of Truth doesn't make the enemy say the truth, it also can tell Matthias when the enemy is lying. Matthias's sword, the Sword of The Spirit, is a sword that becomes more powerful the more sinful the enemy is, against a human, it does no damage at all, against a demon, it can vaporize a demon on contact, basically, it's a sword that can't be used for evil, as it cannot harm an innocent being. Matthias's Shield of Faith is also pretty handy, this shield will protect Matthias from absolutely anything, Matthias even once survived a C4 explosion right in front of him by hiding behind this shield, however, this shield weighs 500lbs, and, cannot be used at the same time as the sword, knowing when to switch between the sword and the shield is key to success in combat. Matthias, as scary as he looks (to enemies that is), he's actually a nice guy with a kind heart, he's married and has two adorable kids. Matthias's backstory is that he once was an ordinary man, with a family, until a group of demons attempted raiding the city which Matthias lived in, in an effort to protect his family, Matthias ran to the Spirit Sword, a monument in the center of town, where a holy sword lies, it's said only the one God deems worthy may wield it (being worthy, is defined as having pure intentions with this sword, such as using it to protect your loved ones), Matthias tried lifting the blade off the stone, shocked to see he is worthy, using the sword, Matthias slayed the demons that were destroying the town, from that moment on, he was hailed as a hero sent by God. Being chosen by God, Matthias had to join the angel army, eventually, Matthias learned about the Legendary 6 and the tragic past, God said, he would one day be sitting on the throne of the Legendary 6, when Nomiya decides he's worthy. Matthias, tried to join, to be royally rejected by Nomiya, Matthias trained for this day, he tried again, Nomiya kicked Matthias out of the building which the Legendary 6 reside in, Matthias still, determined to join, headed in, Nomiya decided that Matthias may join, only after she tests Matthias's skills in a duel, Matthias never even had the thought of using his sword on the person whom he looked up to, but, Nomiya said "Your sword cannot harm an angel like me, it's fine to duel, there is no risk for me." Nomiya said as she pulled out her katana. Matthias, got beat down easily on the first try, but, Matthias got up and tried yet again, only to get injured this time, Nomiya cut Matthias in the torso, just enough to be a warning, but not enough to be threatening. Matthias, still tried fighting though, this time, Matthias emerged victorious. Ever since then, Matthias and Nomiya became great allies, working together to defeat evil. Matthias in the game is supposed to appeal more to those whom want to just feel like a boss and annihilate demons.

Character #3: Ikusa Takuma (Yes, that's where my nickname comes from) - Ikusa is the third member, she takes a support role in most battles the Legendary 6 fights. Ikusa is about 5' 7", she is a half-angel, half-human, because of this, she does not posses the superhuman strength most angels have. She wears a beautiful black dress, in combat she wears a suit of armor that has carbon fiber plates, ideal for blocking swords, and small-caliber firearms. Her sword is Genko Hanai, a magic sword which grants it's user the ability to manipulate the shadows. This sword can allow Ikusa to turn invisible, provided it is either night outside, or she is in a room. It also allows Ikusa to turn into a shadowy figure, making herself look so frightening that anyone who sees her in shadow form will be paralyzed in fear. This sword, also can cause a target to fall asleep if she needs to get past a target. However, this sword lacks abilities for head-on-combat, or even sneak attacks, this is because Ikusa has never practiced the art of killing, only the art of stealth. Due to Ikusa's backstory of being a victim to violence, Ikusa hates even the thought of killing someone. The story is Ikusa was born in 15th century Japan, her mother was an angel sent to earth to spy on the earth, her father, was human, her father, unfortunately, was a hardcore black magic obsessive, after finding out that little secret, her father killed the entire family by fire. Ikusa, in the game, appeals to those who despise violence, but still wish to be a main character in the game.

Character #4: Mika, AKA "Heaven's Little Mercenary" - Mika is a short, 5' tall girl with pink hair (She apparently never hit her growth spurt after reaching 5' in height), she wears a black trench coat. She has an obsession with blowing stuff up and shooting bad guys. Mika was born in Japan in the 18th century, her family moved to USA (Looking for new jobs and a new life), Mika's parents unfortunately died of disease, Mika was adopted by an abusive father who did, erm, inappropriate things to Mika. Mika, after years of being abused then grabbed a flintlock without her abusive father knowing, and, boom headshot. Mika felt the adrenaline pumping, and loved it, Mika decided she'd rid the world of evil, the only way she learned how, by shooting. Towards the end of her life, she'd killed over 70 slave owners, crime lords, and people Mika hated. Mika was finally executed 7 years after her killing spree began. Mika was doomed to hell, however, Ikusa suggested that they spare her, claiming that Mika's vast knowledge and skill with firearms would prove useful in the future. As such, God made a deal with Mika, if she swore her loyalty to the Legendary 6 and the Lord, she would be spared. Mika now wears a special trench coat, it has a magic pocket which can store anything, from pistols to tanks. Mika has an arsenal of over 150 guns and explosive, want to know which ones are best? Well, too bad, you'll gotta experiment for yourself which of her weapons are best, she's got every gun, from the old flintlock, to an M1 Browning!. Mika is BFFs with Ikusa, and Mika has a tendency to make very suggestive jokes, comment on how hot a guy (or girl) she sees is, and is quite the potty mouth, Mika's also quite a heavy drinker, she also loves to party all night. Mika is the character to play if you just want to mess with the physics engine in my game by blowing **** up, or want to use a little bit of excessive force. Mika also will probably end up teaching you a history lesson about guns if you play her too.

Character #5: Victor Cortes - Victor is an extremely skilled angel in the field of bushcraft, being able to make various tools, buildings, and weapons, out of what nature has to offer. Victor was apparently born and raised in the garden of eden, as such, he depended on his skills to live. His main weapon is his bow, and some flint-tipped arrows, left click will shoot a normal arrow, right click will shoot a poison arrow (Victor will dip the arrow tip in manchineel sap, which is deadly and will easily kill enemies in one shot), the poison arrow will one-shot almost anything, but takes 5 seconds to dip the arrow in the deadly sap. The second weapon of Victor's is his flint knife, great for carving, opening boxes, eating, or blunt force trauma! Victor's third weapon is a glass jar of Manchineel Sap, which is thrown at the enemy, the glass will shatter on impact, spraying manchineel sap all over the poor enemy's body, it'll not only burn the clothes of the enemy off, but also completely disfigure them too...... So sorry hentai fans..... Not your ideal weapon of choice..... this character also has a 4th weapon slot, it's empty, encouraging you to use junk you find in the game to create something deadly, some custom weapons in the game are better than Victor's default weapons. Victor is a character meant to appeal to those who want to play a character which can build stuff.

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26 / F / New Jersey, USA
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Posted 7/15/17
This belongs in the Creative Forum Section.
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Posted 7/15/17 , edited 7/15/17
When people try to be "original" often it tends to be just a lot of the same. (or a mess)
Since what is original these days?
Go with something that works.
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Posted 7/15/17

GooseMcDucks wrote:

When people try to be "original" often it tends to be just a lot of the same. (or a mess)
Since what is original these days?
Go with something that works.


Oh come on, did you even read the OP?
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Posted 7/15/17
hmm, well, I do have some light critiques for the backstories, but I won't send it to you unless you'd like to see that, they're not that important. As for the powers and items, I found that a lot of these seem overpowered, literally godlike...Also for the lore, is this "God" a new "God" or a "god" form an established religion. My favorite character was Isuma Takuma, she seems to be the most interesting. Thats another thing, a lot of these characters don't seem to be very, well multi-faceted, they don't really have a lot to them...I'm a writer myself, and I do see potential here, but it, in my opinion, this is a opinion, need fair bit more fleshing and ironing out. It is awesome how much work you've put into this, I do hope to see more of this.
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Posted 7/15/17

IkusaTakuma wrote:

So.... I'm writing the story for a fanfiction game, it's a project I have been working on for about a year now XD...


qualeshia3 wrote:

This belongs in the Creative Forum Section.


That's right. I've moved it now.
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Posted 7/15/17 , edited 7/15/17

Magical-Soul wrote:
Oh come on, did you even read the OP?
it was directed towards the title, and no I wouldn't really want to read through all that.

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