First  Prev  1  2  3  4  5  Next  Last
Post Reply What are the most important lessons you have learned in life?
1189 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
Offline
Posted 8/31/17 , edited 9/1/17

flashsmith wrote:

Talking to a girl is different than talking to a guy. I learned this late in life, well after the damage was done. I was on the board of directors for our Property Owners Association, and on the committee to interview new candidates for director positions. There were 5 women and 4 men on the committee. One of the candidates was a male CPA, the epitome of the type of person you want on a board that is more or less comprised of amateurs. When the interview was over and the guy left the room, one of the girls said "He didn't make eye contact even once. What a creep." The other four women then nodded their heads. Us four guys are shrugging our shoulders. I am going "Wait, What? That's a thing?" The girls outvoted us and the guy lost the job for not making eye contact. This was a rather disturbing revelation to me. I have Asperger's Syndrome. We never make eye contact. It feels like we are making a declaration of war if we do. I believe it is the same for Introverts and Shy people. So, I did some research and it is a thing. If you don't make eye contact, women will at best think you are defective, and at worst think you are creepy. Men could care less if you make eye contact.

So apparently there are four rules for talking to a women:

1. Make eye contact, in or around 70% of the time. If you are like me, this is going against every instinct in your body, but you need to do it so suck it up.
2. Keep gazing at the women's face if she is not looking at you. This causes a spooky phenomena called Emotional Contagion. You basically take on the women's emotions. If you want to make an emotional connection (and you do), this is a must have.
3. Pay attention to what she is saying. There will be a test. Again, if you are like me this is difficult. I have to chant "Eye Contact" in my head to constantly remind myself to do it. If you are an extrovert, this is as natural as breathing, but for me, this is rough. If you fail her test to see if you are paying attention, and you have the Emotional Contagion thing working, you can actually see on her face the word "Jerk" forming in her head.
4. Don't look at her boobs. If the woman showing cleavage, this is actually a test of your maturity. It is their way of weeding out men children. Again, if you fail this test and have the Emotional Contagion thing working, you can actually see on her face the word "Pervert" forming in her head. I believe there is some slack on this if the woman came over to you to chat you up. If you slip up once or twice, I think they take it as a positive sign.

When talking to a guy, all you have to do is pay attention. Much easier. If the guy has boobs however, probably not a good idea to look at them either.

Looking back, not knowing this really distorted my life. For reasons I could not understand at the time, I struggled in classes with female instructors. So, when I got into high school and could pick my courses, it was heavy math and science. Not that I liked those subjects, but if you got the answers right, you got them right and the subjective opinion of the teacher didn't matter. Any courses that required essays where the teachers opinion mattered, I made sure to pick male instructors. All in all a successful strategy for getting good grades, but I would have preferred a different curriculum. Because of the heavy math and science, I ended up in an engineering school that had a grand total of four women, all upper classmen, so basically my dating pool consisted of 0 women for all 4 years. In a liberal arts college, there could have been several hundred. So I graduate and start looking for a job. I don't know what is like now, but then a technical job required 3 interviews. The human resource director, the person you were going to work for, and the boss of the person you were going to work for. If the the human resource director was female, the interview ended there. If the person I was going to work for was female, the interview ended there And if the boss was female, the interview ended there. I missed out on a potful of really good jobs until I found a crappy company where all 3 people were men.

Having been educated on this, I now make a very deliberate effort to follow the 4 rules and everything has gone so much better. I have actually felt some warmth coming from women I converse with. Didn't know that was a thing either.


I always thought it really interesting how women will clearly be paying attention to me but be looking elsewhere. When they walk in a hypnotized manner where you can tell they are clearly not paying attention to the wall in front of them they are walking towards and they just seem really awake. Funny stuff. I enjoyed reading what you wrote. I'm horrid at maintaining eye contact with anyone as I am a very fidgety person. I'l try using your advice though. I'm fairly certain you are correct. Assuming you are, thank you.

Thank you.
79244 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
F
Offline
Posted 9/11/17 , edited 9/11/17
That life is really short and you shouldn't worry about money or finances because you could get hit by a bus tomorrow. This horrible digital world has created a lot of success stories but also a lot of very depressed people who think they're worthless because they are surrounded by idiots on social media that post idyllic "perfect life" images and none of the negative.
1170 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
29 / Makati
Offline
Posted 9/11/17 , edited 9/11/17
Life goes on.
You are what you believe yourself to be.
188 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
31
Offline
Posted 9/11/17 , edited 9/11/17
well, Learned to give others reasons before jumping to conclusion
listening to others
First  Prev  1  2  3  4  5  Next  Last
You must be logged in to post.