Ever get the feeling of wanting a person and when he or she likes you back, you reject that person because you are afraid to get hurt AGAIN? well, i have...and it was a mistake for me to reject that person...

"hey, Tanya, he's coming over here.." Rae said.

"again? he's just gonna bug me! ugh!" i complained.

"what's wrong with him anyways? he's perfect!" Rae said

"PERFECT?! is talking non sense PERFECT to you?!"i reacted.

and with that tone i was sure that he heard me....

"Tanya, are you okay?" Kelvin asked.

me and my big mouth..now i have to come up with an alibi!

"nothing really...we were just...talking about this series we watched last night...about this...ummm....this guy who's talking non sense to his girl..." i said.

what am i talking about?????

"oh...you mean the series entitled 'the golden club'?" he asked innocently.

i nodded...and because i nodded, he kept talking and talking and talking...sheesh...

and the bell finally rang!

"look at the time, our class will start any minute now.." i said.

"well, i'll catch you later then...bye." he said and gave us a friendly hug and left the room.

"Tanya, are you and Kelvin a couple already?" a classmate of mine asked.

"what are you talking about? of course not." i said.

"well, to tell you honestly, you and Kelvin looked good together.." she commented.

~what? me and Kelvin? a couple? there's no way that'll happen. Kelvin and i are just going to be friends. PERIOD. These past few weeks, Kelvin would text, call and even visits me not only he visits me in our classroom, but also at home! Andrea, my sister, said to me one night,

"is he courting you?"

"why are you asking me that question?! i don't know anything about courtship." i sarcastically said.

"well, just asking. He's fine with me."

~why are these people pushing me to Kelvin?!
OKAY! I'll confess! i had and i meant HAD a crush on him, but that was before. He's kind, gentleman, friendly, sweet, cute and entertaining (he knows how to sing and play the guitar and good at sports.)
But the problem was he talks NON SENSE! and when you get into a conversation with him, he doesn't stop talking and he constantly changes topic. OMG! what a bore! i was really turned off! and now he's getting my attention...

"Rae! i beg of you! you two are friends, please tell him not to bug me anymore! please?" i begged Rae.

"i can't.." Rae said.

"Why not?!"

"Like you said, he's my friend. And speaking of which, he's coming." Rae said.

"what?! c'mon say something, an alibi or something please? i don't want to talk to him." i whispered.

"hi Tanya.. hi Rae." Kelvin greeted.

"hi.." we greeted back.

`c'mon Tanya, say something!! but before i could say something, he spoke up.

"ummm, can i talk to you in private, Tanya?"

~uh-oh...how can i decline??

"uhhhh, sure..?"

he took me to the hallway where there were less people around. he held my hand and said,

"Tanya, I've been waiting to tell you this..."

~someone help me....?

"i....i like you....will you be my girl?"

~dang! that got me speechless...what should i say?? what should i do???

"Kelvin...that's so sweet...but, i can't..i have to decline.."

"why not?.............why can't you?....... do you like someone else?.........don't you like me anymore--"

"YES!" i shouted.

he was speechless...HARSH!! i should have kept my mouth shut!

"i liked you before, but i see you as a friend now, nothing more, nothing less..."

"you should have told me that earlier so that i won't look stupid..." he said in a low voice.

~now look what you've done TANYA!

"but i hope we can still be friends.." i said with a grin..

but he didn't say anything nor did he smile. Then the bell rang...

"i gotta go now. I'll be late for class...and you should too..." i said in a concerned voice.

he turned his back on me and walked away.
The whole day, i was guilty of what I've done. i know i have hurt him pretty bad. he got dumped, not only by me but by several girls already.
That night, he didn't text nor called. That went on for two months and a half.
Every time we see each other in the hallway, I'll greet him, he'll smile then turns his back on me. i kinda miss him...
It was Spring break, i attempted to talk to him to invite him to our rest house but he just turned his back on me.

~why was i harsh? i already liked him, it's just his non sense i didn't like. but i could have changed that! we could have been a couple by now! i regretted everything I've done!

"you know Tanya, Kelvin isn't that bad. Last night he called me and said that he liked you ever since you two met but he just don't know how to talk to you and start a conversation. he tried everything to get to know you but he felt that you were evading him or something." Rae said.

i felt a whale was dropped on my shoulders. we had mutual understanding all along. is it really because he doesn't know how to start a conversation? or was i expecting more? i admit! i don't know what to say to him. i'll try to talk to him and say what i really feel now! that i like him too..

"he also told me that he'll be transferring to another city because of his mom's work. you were his reason why he wanted to stay here. they were supposed to leave five months ago. but because of you he didn't want to leave." Rae said.

i was dumbfound! i couldn't speak! i don't know what to say...

"they'll be leaving today. and he wanted to say that he'll never forget you and goodbye." Rae continued.

"maybe i can stop him?" i suggested as tears started to fall.

"nope you can't coz he'll be leaving at this very moment. he'll go straight to the airport now."

~i couldn't say or do anything. it was too late. MY PERFECT GUY IS LEAVING.

Natsume's POV:

2 years ago...

This nerd, always following me wherever I go. Tsk! stupid girl. If I had no self control I would have punch the girl's face. Her brown tresses was tied up in two high pigtails, her brown eyes showing love and care and her irritating voice that always asked me some nonsense questions. It's really hard to be the most handsome and the hottest guy in the school. Nerds nowadays are persistent. I looked at her. I saw her smiling like an idiot. Her braces was visible. Damn this girl! Can she get out of my sight? Wait, why is she here by the way? Oh yeah, she cook some food for me and she wants me to eat it. No way! Why will I eat those? Those foods probably have a love potion for me to fall for her. She's not my type! Precisely! But then again there is something to this girl that makes my heart beat so fast.

"Natsume-kun! Try this! This is delicious" the idiot said while placing the chopstick with dumpling in front of my mouth. Of course, I didn't open my mouth. I looked at her with disgusted face. "Come on Natsume-kun! It's delicious" nerdy girl said smiling at me widely. There's her braces again!

"I told you, I won't eat that! That food probably contains some kind of a potion!" I said shouting looking away to avoid my mouth.

"Oh come on! Of course not, I didn't put anything here except my love for you!" the pig-tailed hair girl said blushing. Oh God! What can this girl get in her mushiness? I grunted.

"Will you just leave me idiot?" I said getting irritated every second.

"Mou Natsume! You never eat the foods I cooked for you! Can you at least taste it? Please!" she said forcing the food in my mouth. I closed my mouth tightly and spanked her hands so that the food will fall. "Natsume! Look! The food is wasted! Do you how low are economy is? How can you throw the food? There are people who can't eat! Consider yourself lucky beca-" I cut her off because its like she's nagging me about the economy.

"Will you shut up? You're always makes my ears bleed! Just leave!" I shouted angrily. Does she thinks I don't know anything about Japan's economy? Oh come on! I, Natsume Hyuuga, the genius of all times knows everything! To the littlest thing to the biggest! This girl really irritates me! She didn't answer me and when I looked at her a vein popped on my head. I saw her putting some strawberry juice on the disposable cup. What the? She's not listening to me! Arggg! She's really annoying! "Oi baka" I called her with another name.

"Hmmmmm? What is it Natsume-kun? By the way, are you thirsty? Here's some strawberry juice! You liked strawberry right?" she asked me, smiling sweetly to me. I shook my head in annoyance. Does she really thinks I'm looking forward for her so-called foods? What a dense girl. Since she's sitting beside me, I grabbed her shoulder and turn her around to face me. I saw her chocolate orbs wide and her cheeks flushed because of my sudden action. Wow, I didn't know she's cute when she blushed! Wait! hat the hell am I thinking? Erase, bad thoughts!

"Listen Moron, I don't want to eat any of your foods got that? And just leave will you?" I said to her frankly. I saw the hint of hurt and pain in her eyes and I can't help myself to feel guilty. Suddenly, I felt the urge of imprisoning her in my arms and tell her that I'm sorry but my pride wins.

"But why?" she asked me. Her tears started to form in her eyes.

"None of your business, just leave" I said coldly and let her go. She stood up and run away from me. I followed her with my eye gaze. I felt a pang of hurt in my heart.

Next day...

I walked towards the corridor. I'm on my way on the Sakura tree outside. I noticed that the pig-tailed girl was not following me. When I reached my destination, I saw her sitting under the shades of the tree. When she saw me, she smiled widely and stood up then waved. I walked towards the tree.

"Hi there, Nastume-kun" she greeted me with her trademark smile. I didn't answer her greetings. I just sat down on the grass and leaned on the tree. She sat down beside me too. She grabbed her paper bag and get something. I saw her pulling a three layered bentos. I sweat dropped. She still didn't give up? I sighed

"Here. I asked Ruka what are your favorite foods" she said and handed me the chopsticks and bentos.

"You still didn't give up huh? How many times I will tell you that I won't eat any of your foods" I said coldly, glaring at Mikan

"Ah that! Well I thought you aren't eating my foods because you don't like it that's why I asked Ruka about your favorite foods" she said still smiling at me.

"What am I going to do to you little girl? How many times I will tell you to leave me alone" I said irritably. Her smile was gone when I said those words and I see her eyes full of pain.

"But can at least tell me why?" she said, her eyes was covered by her brown bangs.

"Well, it's just simple. I don't like you. You're not my type. So now you knew the reason maybe you can leave me alone?" I said slowly calming my self down.

"Is my love for you wasn't enough for you to learn to love me even just a bit?" she asked me with full emotions

"I can't love you and I don't even like seeing you around?" I said coldly to her even though my chest is really clenching because of her last sentence for me.

"Am I hard to be loved?" she asked me again. Her tears started to fall.

"I don't know. There's something that stopping me to love you" I said to her not minding to look at her

"Then, what is that something?" she asked me again

"I won't tell you" I said to her and stood up. I put my hands inside my pocket and was about to walked away when I heard her spoke.

"Natsume-kun, I'll will wait for you to tell me that you also loved me. I'll wait for that day. I promise" with those words she run and leave me. I looked at the direction where she run and I felt a hot water trickled down my cheeks.

'I'm sorry. My mind was stopping me to love you because I'm scared that I might hurt you and I don't deserve someone as nice as you. I'm really sorry Mikan...I do love you...' I thought and started to walked away. My heart was so heavy

Present:

Here I am, walking towards the road of Japan. Thinking about the brunette girl who happened to be my first love. I missed her. I really do. I hope I'll see her again. I thought she will wait for me to say to her that I loved her? She left me without a word. I don't know where she goes. I asked her friends but none of them tell me where she is. I even paid for a private investigator just to find her but my attempts was futile. She's nowhere to be found! I wonder were is she. I'm really worried sick about her! I even remember myself drinking ever night because of her disappearance...

Flashback: 2 years ago

'Natsume! Stop it! You're drinking to much!' Ruka shouted at me as I continue drinking my whiskey

'Stop mingling Ruka! I'll do whatever I want!' I shouted back at Ruka

'You're destroying your life Natsume! Do you think she will be happy to see you like that' Ruka said holding my wrist that holds the bottle of whiskey. I jerked his hands away

'Why won't she be happy? She's the one who forced me to do this to myself! If she didn't leave me I wouldn't be like this!' I shouted at him and push him out of the sit

'Damn it Natsume! Don't forget it's your fault why she left you!' Ruka said to me and grabbed the bottle in my hands

'She said she'll wait for me! Why did she leave me? I'm just saving my confidence! I want to prove to myself that I deserve her! That I'm fitted her!' I shouted and tried to grabbed the bottle back.

'Natsume, I know...she had her own reason why she left...believe me' Ruka said to me. Before I heard those words I lost consciousness because of grogginess.

End of Flashback

Deep in thought, I bumped into a person. I fall flat on my butt. I opened my eyes and was about to give some nasty remarks to the idiotic person when my eyes widened. Hey wait! Am I hallucinating? But I'm not drunk. In front of me, I saw a brunette haired girl with chocolate orbs. It's Mikan! I'm not dreaming! This is really my beloved Mikan! She was rubbing her head while muttering a sorry to me not looking at me. She was dusting her skirt. I just looked at her with wide eyed. After dusting her skirt, she turned on me and her chocolate orbs went wide.

"Natsume-kun? How are you?" she asked me while smiling at me widely. Those smiles, I missed those.

"I-I'm fine" I answered her stuttering. I want to smack my head because of stuttering.

"It's been a long" she said to me.

"Yeah" That's the only word that came out of my mouth. I looked at her with admire. She changed. She's not my nerdy stalker anymore. She's now sophisticated. Wearing a black miniskirt, a white tank top, top by a denim blazer. Her hair was now loose and not on its usual childish pigtails. Who knew that the old-fashioned girl I love then turned out to be this beautiful?

"Well then, it's nice meeting you again Natsume-kun. If you don't mind, I'll leave now" she said bowing then turned her heels to walked away but I stopped her by holding her wrist.

"But I do mind" I said to her coldly but calmly

"Huh?" she asked me, confusion written in her face

"What about a drink? At my house?" I asked her and dragged her to my car and drove home before she can even give me her answer. When we arrived at my unit, I lead her to the sofa and got 2 glass of whiskey. I put the the the glasses at the center table and sat beside her. I look at her while she looked away. A different silence enveloped us until she broke it.

"I don't drink" she said to me and stood up. I grabbed her wrist

"I don't care, just sit" I said to her and pull her back to the sofa

"Is there some-" I cut her off

"Why did you leave me? I thought you'll wait for me" I asked her softly but with hardness. She looked away again.

"No reason" She answered me. That made me irritated.

"No reason?" I repeated "Are you kidding me?" I said to her

"There's no reason really" she said again

"Come on, tell me...I'm not going to accept that nonsense reason" I said and took a sipped of my whiskey

"I don't want to" she answered me

"Why?" I insist

"Why do you care anyway? You don't care about me right?" she said to me as her tears started to form

"You don't know what I went through when you leave!" I shouted. She's making me irritated

"Oh really? Then what happen-" I cut her off again. I hold her shoulders and turned her around to look at me

"I drink every night! I almost destroyed myself when you leave! You said you'll wait but you left me" I shouted. Anger was evident in my eyes

"I need to leave to find myself Natsume! I need to leave for me to be deserving for you!" She shouted back. Her tears started to fall. "I know you hate my appearance that's why I tried my best to change. I know you hate my braces! I know you hate my way of dressing! I know you hate my hair! You hate my childish behavior! You hate everything about me! That's why I choose to leave because I know no matter what I'll do, you will never love me! Because you're too special for me! I'm just nothi-!" she was cut off by a lips pressed on her mouth. Her eyes widened. I kissed her gently but with so much passion and love that made her kissed her back. It was her and my first kiss...that's why we're are not experts for this but we were able to worked with it. We broke the kiss to gasp air. I gently caressed her cheeks.

"Don't say anything like that. I admit I hate you before but you were able to knock and come inside my heart Mikan" I said staring lovingly at her chocolate orbs. I leaned down again and kissed her. "I love you Mikan" I said against her ips. I felt Mikan slowly wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me with equal passion. I bit her bottom lip to ask permission to her sweet small cave and she willingly opened her mouth. I heard her moaned against my lips. After a few minutes, we broke the kiss.

"I love you" I said to her and gently smiled at her. She blushed and buried her face on my chest. I chuckled at her cute innocence. "This is not the right time to be shy, say you love me too and make me the happiest man"I said to her and kissed her hair. She lifted her head and looked at me and gently smiled.

"I love you too Natsume" she said to me as I wrapped my arms around her and hugged the love of my life. Now, I know that whatever hardship I will get I'm sure I'm going to face it wholeheartedly, now that I have Mikan by my side.

'I will love you forever' I promised myself.

I know your smile,
It takes my breath away,
I know your style,
And it makes me sway,

I know your laugh,
You make me smile when you do,
I know your chosen path,
You make me want to go with you,

I know what you love,
And I try to love these too,
I know what you hate,
Then I just spread animosity through,

Yet even if I know all these,
You never seem to notice,
You do as you please,
Without me barely in your midst,

Though I know almost everything,
About who you are and what you want to be,
How much sadness it brings,
That you never seem to see or hear me,

I'm your acquaintance,
I'm your friend,
Yet in no circumstance,
Will that ever be enough,

I am deeply in love with you,
Though unbelievable but true,
But you make me so sad and blue,
When you fail to notice the truth,

No matter how hard I try,
No Matter how much I want to,
I can never say goodbye,
To a person that is you,

So like a cliche I wait patiently,
For you to realize,
That though I am merely me,
With you I am paralyzed,

Please know who I am,
Please know how i feel,
Please give a damn,
Cause what I feel for you is REAL,

I thought my life was useless
And everything to me was lifeless
But then you came along for no reason
And helped me with no hesitation.

You lent me your hand
and helped me to stand
to escape from my dark past
with your love that never lasts.

You let me live once again
and start a new beginning
with the feelings you shared with me
And the affection you made me feel.

You filled my days with glimmering lights
Wonderful, sweet dreams at night.
You kiss me to wipe off my tears
and hug me to lessen my fears.

You were there by my side
Every time I feel so sad
to comfort and understand
the problems and trials I had.

You always make me happy
and prevent me from being lonely
with your funny jokes and tricks
that can cure anyone who's sick.

Everything you have done
the moments we shared
Give me the reason why
You're the love of my life.