Post Reply Alone in Paradise
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Posted 9/4/17 , edited 9/5/17
I've moved to Hawaii from California for work and I thought it was going to be fun. I have no family or loved ones here and I have yet to make a single friend. I try to meet people, but because I'm not local conversations kind of end quick. Also my non-local coworkers prefer to keep things professional.

During my free time I normally go to the beach, go on a hike, or even try out a new restaurant alone. People would give me weird looks when they see me sitting on the sand alone or if I'm eating a plate lunch alone on a bench. To many, Hawaii is a tropical paradise filled with aloha and everybody is your ohana. To me, it's a lonely giant rock where milk and eggs cost $20 all together.

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? How did you deal with it?
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Posted 9/5/17 , edited 9/5/17

SoneTae wrote:
I have no family or loved ones here and I have yet to make a single friend.


..And that's why. If I were you, I'd stick around only until I'm no longer being paid and go back home ASAP. I can't say I relate to your situation very much, but do I have extensive experience with loneliness. It does not get easier to deal with over time. That's not to say it will get harder, it could get harder, but only if you let it get to you. It's very hard not to. Regardless, it's just something you have to shoulder.
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Posted 9/5/17 , edited 9/5/17

SoneTae wrote:

I've moved to Hawaii from California for work and I thought it was going to be fun. I have no family or loved ones here and I have yet to make a single friend. I try to meet people, but because I'm not local conversations kind of end quick. Also my non-local coworkers prefer to keep things professional.

During my free time I normally go to the beach, go on a hike, or even try out a new restaurant alone. People would give me weird looks when they see me sitting on the sand alone or if I'm eating a plate lunch alone on a bench. To many, Hawaii is a tropical paradise filled with aloha and everybody is your ohana. To me, it's a lonely giant rock where milk and eggs cost $20 all together.

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? How did you deal with it?


Basically where i live my whole life for most of it.

I dealt with it with having online friends and ignoring people.
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Posted 9/12/17 , edited 9/13/17

SoneTae wrote:

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? How did you deal with it?


If it is any consolation, it is pretty much how I felt on the mainland. And how I think most people from Hawaii feel on the mainland. The effect is essentially culture shock. But it happens mostly I think because most things seem familiar, but feel just slightly different. The food seems largely the same, but tastes a little different. Some familiar foods are not present even though it seems like it should be. And so on. Like how on the mainland those things on your feet are called flip flops but in Hawaii they are slippers.

I dealt with it the same way I expect most people do. I did stuff on my own until I found friends who I could do things with. It takes time sometimes, some places longer than others, but overall for me the key was simply staying positive and looking at things as an opportunity for new experiences rather than as a challenge or just plain obstacle.

I know it kind of sounds pretty hollow. But really Hawaii is a good place to just do stuff. The more one does, the more people one meets, the more chances of making friends and finding people who do the same things. Like New Years. As this is an Anime board I assume you do watch Anime. Have you ever wanted to do one of those New Year's Shrine visits? There are several Shinto Shrines on Oahu and I know at least the Izumo shrine on the downtown side of Kalihi has it as does the Nuuanu one. Sure most locals have likely never done it, but thousands still go each year. Mostly for the fun of it. Few people in Hawaii are Shinto, even among the Japanese Americans, but still, it is an event that you know everyone is there because they want to be. So it can be a place to meet people with the same interests. And there are tons of other festivals and events like that year round.

So much depends on each individual, so advice is hard. Not that you are necessarily looking for it I know. But in terms of conversation, have you ever been to Las Vegas? Believe it or not, but Las Vegas is a destination that many in Hawaii see as kind of if not a dream destination a place they really would like to visit. It also has the largest ex-pat population the last I checked. So chances are if you meet a local they probably either have been to, or would like to visit Las Vegas. People from Hawaii tend to have traveled to the mainland, especially the West Coast and primarily California for Disneyland and Nevada for Las Vegas. Places both you and the local have been to could become a topic of conversation.
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Posted 9/17/17 , edited 9/17/17

Cellory wrote:


SoneTae wrote:

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? How did you deal with it?


If it is any consolation, it is pretty much how I felt on the mainland. And how I think most people from Hawaii feel on the mainland. The effect is essentially culture shock. But it happens mostly I think because most things seem familiar, but feel just slightly different. The food seems largely the same, but tastes a little different. Some familiar foods are not present even though it seems like it should be. And so on. Like how on the mainland those things on your feet are called flip flops but in Hawaii they are slippers.

I dealt with it the same way I expect most people do. I did stuff on my own until I found friends who I could do things with. It takes time sometimes, some places longer than others, but overall for me the key was simply staying positive and looking at things as an opportunity for new experiences rather than as a challenge or just plain obstacle.

I know it kind of sounds pretty hollow. But really Hawaii is a good place to just do stuff. The more one does, the more people one meets, the more chances of making friends and finding people who do the same things. Like New Years. As this is an Anime board I assume you do watch Anime. Have you ever wanted to do one of those New Year's Shrine visits? There are several Shinto Shrines on Oahu and I know at least the Izumo shrine on the downtown side of Kalihi has it as does the Nuuanu one. Sure most locals have likely never done it, but thousands still go each year. Mostly for the fun of it. Few people in Hawaii are Shinto, even among the Japanese Americans, but still, it is an event that you know everyone is there because they want to be. So it can be a place to meet people with the same interests. And there are tons of other festivals and events like that year round.

So much depends on each individual, so advice is hard. Not that you are necessarily looking for it I know. But in terms of conversation, have you ever been to Las Vegas? Believe it or not, but Las Vegas is a destination that many in Hawaii see as kind of if not a dream destination a place they really would like to visit. It also has the largest ex-pat population the last I checked. So chances are if you meet a local they probably either have been to, or would like to visit Las Vegas. People from Hawaii tend to have traveled to the mainland, especially the West Coast and primarily California for Disneyland and Nevada for Las Vegas. Places both you and the local have been to could become a topic of conversation.


Yes I actually lived in North Las Vegas and attended UNLV. I knew that there were a few Hawaiian students and tourists, but never really interacted with them. I guess that would be a nice conversation starter.
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