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Post Reply What do you think makes a woman "wife material"?
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Posted 10/2/17 , edited 10/2/17

Cydoemus wrote:


Steelmonk [link url="/forumtopic-1002079/what-do-you-think-makes-a-woman-wife-material?fpid=56758651" title="View

Wow, you're not going to last are you? You gotta get more serious. I can tell your age by your writing, and your general experience. Look man there's nothing bad about being young, I was your age at one time. However what you are trying to do is recreate what has been done over and over and over for the last 50K years. Marriage is a institution going back time immemorial, under many forms and names. You define it with emotional, verbal, social and legal aspects. However the one point you cannot fathom is sacrifice, under all conditions. Example if the woman you love asks you to marry her what would you say? No? Are your beliefs so strong that love is secondary? But, suppose she did ask? She won't? But suppose she did? You're willing to throw away love over a ceremony? One big party? A social ritual? Some words? Financial obligation? Some other persons idea of what a marriage is? You better think about this more. I just saw someone online making a statement that they may regret later. I've made arguments like yours in the past and so have some of my close friends, none of it came to pass as we thought. The ones who didn't want children are now the greatest parents. Of the three who refused marriage, two are alone (longest dry spells ever) and one died. Look man argue your case all you want, I'm just saying never turn down a good thing because of ideology or pride, It's not logical, but it is true. If you love her and she asks to marry, don't you dare say no. Love is rare, and true love is ephemeral.


It's adorable that your only argument seems to be "You're young and inexperienced, even though I haven't any clue how old you are and am only basing it on your views of the world that are objectively stated."
It is true that you have about fifteen years on me (if the age on your profile is correct).
What is also true is that you have yet to read what I have stated about my own relationship.
My girlfriend and I are both "neutered" (for lack of a better term); as I have had my vasectomy well over a decade ago and my girlfriend had her tubes tied before I met her.
Her and I both have agreed that we'd only get married if we were old enough to concern ourselves with the difficulty with managing assets and one another's estate when we're in our elderly years (age sixty-five or higher).
If we do happen to get married, it will simply be a legally binding document without any ceremony, fanfare, or otherwise.
Again, this has long been agreed upon when we began to merge some of our assets and wrote wills that left the majority of one another's estate to one another.

Essentially, your ramble about how you've known guys who didn't want to parents and are now the "world's greatest parents" is kind of moot.
As it's been over a decade since my vasectomy, there is no procedure to undo the snip.
In regard to your question about whether I would get married, if someone I cared about asked me to do so, it would solely depend on what they considered a marriage.
I've mentioned several times; it's a superficial and shallow institution.
Its sole purpose in the modern day realm is to have financial matters solved and sorted to ensure that, in your passing, your spouse or loved one would have little issue with managing your estate (or you, their own estate).
There is an objective element to marriage and that's as far as I would go with it.

You have made quite a lot of assumptions in the last response of yours.
I won't get too into it, just stating that you should probably improve on reading comprehension instead of skimming over my posts if you are to return with a similarly lengthly response.

Cydoemus, you just keep doing you bud.
Steelmonk, lay off him.
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Posted 10/2/17 , edited 10/2/17
She just has to be able to put up with me
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Posted 10/2/17 , edited 10/2/17
Found one already. She likes what I likes, she puts up with me, and she doesn't leave me no matter how crazy I am, basically, she puts up with me
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Posted 10/2/17 , edited 10/3/17

Cydoemus wrote:


Steelmonk [link url="/forumtopic-1002079/what-do-you-think-makes-a-woman-wife-material?fpid=56758651" title="View

Wow, you're not going to last are you? You gotta get more serious. I can tell your age by your writing, and your general experience. Look man there's nothing bad about being young, I was your age at one time. However what you are trying to do is recreate what has been done over and over and over for the last 50K years. Marriage is a institution going back time immemorial, under many forms and names. You define it with emotional, verbal, social and legal aspects. However the one point you cannot fathom is sacrifice, under all conditions. Example if the woman you love asks you to marry her what would you say? No? Are your beliefs so strong that love is secondary? But, suppose she did ask? She won't? But suppose she did? You're willing to throw away love over a ceremony? One big party? A social ritual? Some words? Financial obligation? Some other persons idea of what a marriage is? You better think about this more. I just saw someone online making a statement that they may regret later. I've made arguments like yours in the past and so have some of my close friends, none of it came to pass as we thought. The ones who didn't want children are now the greatest parents. Of the three who refused marriage, two are alone (longest dry spells ever) and one died. Look man argue your case all you want, I'm just saying never turn down a good thing because of ideology or pride, It's not logical, but it is true. If you love her and she asks to marry, don't you dare say no. Love is rare, and true love is ephemeral.


It's adorable that your only argument seems to be "You're young and inexperienced, even though I haven't any clue how old you are and am only basing it on your views of the world that are objectively stated."
It is true that you have about fifteen years on me (if the age on your profile is correct).
What is also true is that you have yet to read what I have stated about my own relationship.
My girlfriend and I are both "neutered" (for lack of a better term); as I have had my vasectomy well over a decade ago and my girlfriend had her tubes tied before I met her.
Her and I both have agreed that we'd only get married if we were old enough to concern ourselves with the difficulty with managing assets and one another's estate when we're in our elderly years (age sixty-five or higher).
If we do happen to get married, it will simply be a legally binding document without any ceremony, fanfare, or otherwise.
Again, this has long been agreed upon when we began to merge some of our assets and wrote wills that left the majority of one another's estate to one another.

Essentially, your ramble about how you've known guys who didn't want to parents and are now the "world's greatest parents" is kind of moot.
As it's been over a decade since my vasectomy, there is no procedure to undo the snip.
In regard to your question about whether I would get married, if someone I cared about asked me to do so, it would solely depend on what they considered a marriage.
I've mentioned several times; it's a superficial and shallow institution.
Its sole purpose in the modern day realm is to have financial matters solved and sorted to ensure that, in your passing, your spouse or loved one would have little issue with managing your estate (or you, their own estate).
There is an objective element to marriage and that's as far as I would go with it.

You have made quite a lot of assumptions in the last response of yours.
I won't get too into it, just stating that you should probably improve on reading comprehension instead of skimming over my posts if you are to return with a similarly lengthly response.


Thanks for thinking I'm adorable, I try hard. You can reverse a vasectomy, It's how one of my buddies had his first kid. Well I assume you're under 40. As I got into my late 40s I started slow down and relax. I also decided that my judging this or that as lacking only made me colder and meaner, and less likely to experience new things, and as an engineer that's the kiss of death. I assume you are in your 30s? I gotta tell you straight up crap doesn't start crumbling until you are in your 40s. Look man are you divorced? If so, then I can totally see your point, because you lived it and that's that. Don't want to go back to a train wreck? Hell no! Your real life experience trumps everything else. However I hate it when people say, "If I'd only known better". Right? At least you've got financial planning on the books, that'll help a lot later. Just trying to help a fellow man. It's just advice, you take it or leave it. By the way I turn 52 in 18 days...sigh....Yeah and I get wordy because I like to talk to people.
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Posted 10/2/17 , edited 10/3/17
I may have missed this from previous posts. But wouldn't being happy to be committed to a lifetime together be top of the list? NOT CHEATING and jumping ship just because the hot new thing comes along? Learning to put up with someone's flaws and understanding them as an individual, and getting the same in return. Not expecting them to be some ideal you desire in your head. Managing things together. Lots of communication. Maybe I'm going off on a tangent but that's what I would feel as "Husband Material". Would that be different from wife material?

I think it goes both ways but what would be the difference between the two genders in how they see as spouse material?
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Posted 10/2/17 , edited 10/3/17

ghostlygirl wrote:

I think it goes both ways but what would be the difference between the two genders in how they see as spouse material?


The differences I can think of would be coming from learned societal, cultural, and parental influences that a person decides to go along with whatever they might be. Other than that the differences people would have would be based on the individual and what they want or currently think they want.
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Posted 10/2/17 , edited 10/3/17
Uh. I mean. There's not really such a thing. If you're with someone and love them that much, then it doesn't matter.

Don't be superficial.
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Posted 10/2/17 , edited 10/3/17
Booty.
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Posted 10/2/17 , edited 10/3/17

Steelmonk wrote:


Cydoemus wrote:


Steelmonk [link url="/forumtopic-1002079/what-do-you-think-makes-a-woman-wife-material?fpid=56758651" title="View

Wow, you're not going to last are you? You gotta get more serious. I can tell your age by your writing, and your general experience. Look man there's nothing bad about being young, I was your age at one time. However what you are trying to do is recreate what has been done over and over and over for the last 50K years. Marriage is a institution going back time immemorial, under many forms and names. You define it with emotional, verbal, social and legal aspects. However the one point you cannot fathom is sacrifice, under all conditions. Example if the woman you love asks you to marry her what would you say? No? Are your beliefs so strong that love is secondary? But, suppose she did ask? She won't? But suppose she did? You're willing to throw away love over a ceremony? One big party? A social ritual? Some words? Financial obligation? Some other persons idea of what a marriage is? You better think about this more. I just saw someone online making a statement that they may regret later. I've made arguments like yours in the past and so have some of my close friends, none of it came to pass as we thought. The ones who didn't want children are now the greatest parents. Of the three who refused marriage, two are alone (longest dry spells ever) and one died. Look man argue your case all you want, I'm just saying never turn down a good thing because of ideology or pride, It's not logical, but it is true. If you love her and she asks to marry, don't you dare say no. Love is rare, and true love is ephemeral.


It's adorable that your only argument seems to be "You're young and inexperienced, even though I haven't any clue how old you are and am only basing it on your views of the world that are objectively stated."
It is true that you have about fifteen years on me (if the age on your profile is correct).
What is also true is that you have yet to read what I have stated about my own relationship.
My girlfriend and I are both "neutered" (for lack of a better term); as I have had my vasectomy well over a decade ago and my girlfriend had her tubes tied before I met her.
Her and I both have agreed that we'd only get married if we were old enough to concern ourselves with the difficulty with managing assets and one another's estate when we're in our elderly years (age sixty-five or higher).
If we do happen to get married, it will simply be a legally binding document without any ceremony, fanfare, or otherwise.
Again, this has long been agreed upon when we began to merge some of our assets and wrote wills that left the majority of one another's estate to one another.

Essentially, your ramble about how you've known guys who didn't want to parents and are now the "world's greatest parents" is kind of moot.
As it's been over a decade since my vasectomy, there is no procedure to undo the snip.
In regard to your question about whether I would get married, if someone I cared about asked me to do so, it would solely depend on what they considered a marriage.
I've mentioned several times; it's a superficial and shallow institution.
Its sole purpose in the modern day realm is to have financial matters solved and sorted to ensure that, in your passing, your spouse or loved one would have little issue with managing your estate (or you, their own estate).
There is an objective element to marriage and that's as far as I would go with it.

You have made quite a lot of assumptions in the last response of yours.
I won't get too into it, just stating that you should probably improve on reading comprehension instead of skimming over my posts if you are to return with a similarly lengthly response.


Thanks for thinking I'm adorable, I try hard. You can reverse a vasectomy, It's how one of my buddies had his first kid. Well I assume you're under 40. As I got into my late 40s I started slow down and relax. I also decided that my judging this or that as lacking only made me colder and meaner, and less likely to experience new things, and as an engineer that's the kiss of death. I assume you are in your 30s? I gotta tell you straight up crap doesn't start crumbling until you are in your 40s. Look man are you divorced? If so, then I can totally see your point, because you lived it and that's that. Don't want to go back to a train wreck? Hell no! Your real life experience trumps everything else. However I hate it when people say, "If I'd only known better". Right? At least you've got financial planning on the books, that'll help a lot later. Just trying to help a fellow man. It's just advice, you take it or leave it. By the way I turn 52 in 18 days...sigh....Yeah and I get wordy because I like to talk to people.



Guys sorry I’m late.
What did I miss?
This seems intense so I read like 3 sentences then stopped caring because...
the only thing that makes someone “wife” or correctly, “partner” material is DO THEY LIKE NARUTO.
If so, then you better marry them up good.
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Posted 10/2/17 , edited 10/3/17
She's gotta be a 500 y/o vampire loli.
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33 / F / Kumamoto, Japan
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Posted 10/2/17 , edited 10/3/17

Steelmonk wrote:


Cydoemus wrote:


Steelmonk wrote:


Cydoemus wrote:

Nothing.
Marriage is a shallow institution.
Too many people spend copious amounts of money to have an extravagant wedding, which is completely superficial.
Marriage, more or less, is designed for tax breaks and easier management of the estate upon death.


hahaha! Poor lonely guy. Never been in love huh?


Currently in a loving relationship for the last two years without any issues.
Both of us see marriage as a superficial "statement" that has no real meaning.
Neither of us is religious; thus, no claim for religious pretense.
We have calculated that if we filed taxes together that it would have consequences (as we would lose about 15% of our earnings over what we lose now).
We each have wills indicating whom things are left to, as I do not have any family to really associate my belongings to.

Point is, marriage is a shallow ceremony that hasn't any meaning.
I'm committed to my girlfriend until I die without some superficial ceremony that calls for validation from external people.
We're confident enough in our relationship without requiring validation.
I guess some people feel that without that validation that their relationship doesn't have the meaning or "weight" that they desire.


2 years? huh...can you stand the test of time.....for me your 2 year relationship is superficial, and still in it's infancy. My children, knowledge of life, success, and my wife do validate me, and empower me in ways hopefully you will someday come to understand. You're just beginning to see what you could have, don't spoil it with pride. Ahhh youth, both fun and ignorant at the same time. If you're still with her in 20 years and you are still not married, I'll be very surprised, every single one of my friends who had relationships like yours are no more. Sometimes commitment means more than words....


I'm so torn because I understand what both of you are saying, but I think I'll start here:

To the fellow who claims that marriage is all superficial and that it's purely a validation for a couple outside of tax breaks, I get it. In the USA, most jobs will give bereavement to the loss of a spouse, whereas if it's your girlfriend and if your job has the leniency to, they may allow you to use vacation/persona/sick time to deal with that loss and the needs of funeral, etc. For example, my job offers bereavement for direct family and spouses. Aunts and Uncles are not included in that, so when my aunt died last year I had to use vacation to attend the funeral. Marriage would allow you to take care of all of the necessary preparations for wake/funeral/cremation.

Lets say that she is injured and you go to the hospital and try to get into ICU, but you don't qualify because you aren't family. Some hospitals may be able to make exceptions if they are already aware of your status as an emergency contact, but if you're not at your normal clinic, whoops. In terms of inheritance, marriage can help you skip probate in court. You also get power of attorney and vice versa (I suppose it could be dealt with via a Will though).

This website can be helpful for you in legal documentation information and in general getting your shit together: https://www.gyst.com/

To Steelmonk, I don't like how the way you write and speak makes it sound as though a relationship cannot last without marriage. Like a legally binding contract suddenly makes it easier to stay together. Divorce is pretty common these days. People breakup regardless of marriage or otherwise.

I am engaged but before my engagement, I had a 10+ year old relationship. It's not 20 years, but 10 years is a long time to be boyfriend-girlfriend with someone. We didn't breakup and fall out of love because we weren't married. We broke up and fell apart because he was emotionally abusive, not because he didn't put a ring on it. He would have been mentally abusive even if we were married. I would not have wanted to "save the marriage" with him if we were married. The techniques used to save a relationship are the same regardless of marriage or life partners. Same sex couples were able to spend their lives together without the lawful documentation of marriage, so it seems pretty shallow of you to say that a relationship cannot last the test of time and life experiences that yours has endured without marriage.

In short, wanting to get married doesn't make you superficial or in need of validation of your relationship. It doesn't make your relationship any more or less loving as long as both parties are loving towards one another, honest, etc. Being married doesn't make your relationship any better than unmarried couple. It's the love in the relationship.
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Posted 10/2/17 , edited 10/3/17

Potentsaliva wrote:

She's gotta be a 500 y/o vampire loli.



Oddly specific, but at least you have good taste in best girl
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Posted 10/2/17 , edited 10/3/17

Kerensa wrote:


Steelmonk wrote:


Cydoemus wrote:


Steelmonk wrote:


Cydoemus wrote:

Nothing.
Marriage is a shallow institution.
Too many people spend copious amounts of money to have an extravagant wedding, which is completely superficial.
Marriage, more or less, is designed for tax breaks and easier management of the estate upon death.


hahaha! Poor lonely guy. Never been in love huh?


Currently in a loving relationship for the last two years without any issues.
Both of us see marriage as a superficial "statement" that has no real meaning.
Neither of us is religious; thus, no claim for religious pretense.
We have calculated that if we filed taxes together that it would have consequences (as we would lose about 15% of our earnings over what we lose now).
We each have wills indicating whom things are left to, as I do not have any family to really associate my belongings to.

Point is, marriage is a shallow ceremony that hasn't any meaning.
I'm committed to my girlfriend until I die without some superficial ceremony that calls for validation from external people.
We're confident enough in our relationship without requiring validation.
I guess some people feel that without that validation that their relationship doesn't have the meaning or "weight" that they desire.


2 years? huh...can you stand the test of time.....for me your 2 year relationship is superficial, and still in it's infancy. My children, knowledge of life, success, and my wife do validate me, and empower me in ways hopefully you will someday come to understand. You're just beginning to see what you could have, don't spoil it with pride. Ahhh youth, both fun and ignorant at the same time. If you're still with her in 20 years and you are still not married, I'll be very surprised, every single one of my friends who had relationships like yours are no more. Sometimes commitment means more than words....


I'm so torn because I understand what both of you are saying, but I think I'll start here:

To the fellow who claims that marriage is all superficial and that it's purely a validation for a couple outside of tax breaks, I get it. In the USA, most jobs will give bereavement to the loss of a spouse, whereas if it's your girlfriend and if your job has the leniency to, they may allow you to use vacation/persona/sick time to deal with that loss and the needs of funeral, etc. For example, my job offers bereavement for direct family and spouses. Aunts and Uncles are not included in that, so when my aunt died last year I had to use vacation to attend the funeral. Marriage would allow you to take care of all of the necessary preparations for wake/funeral/cremation.

Lets say that she is injured and you go to the hospital and try to get into ICU, but you don't qualify because you aren't family. Some hospitals may be able to make exceptions if they are already aware of your status as an emergency contact, but if you're not at your normal clinic, whoops. In terms of inheritance, marriage can help you skip probate in court. You also get power of attorney and vice versa (I suppose it could be dealt with via a Will though).

This website can be helpful for you in legal documentation information and in general getting your shit together: https://www.gyst.com/

To Steelmonk, I don't like how the way you write and speak makes it sound as though a relationship cannot last without marriage. Like a legally binding contract suddenly makes it easier to stay together. Divorce is pretty common these days. People breakup regardless of marriage or otherwise.

I am engaged but before my engagement, I had a 10+ year old relationship. It's not 20 years, but 10 years is a long time to be boyfriend-girlfriend with someone. We didn't breakup and fall out of love because we weren't married. We broke up and fell apart because he was emotionally abusive, not because he didn't put a ring on it. He would have been mentally abusive even if we were married. I would not have wanted to "save the marriage" with him if we were married. The techniques used to save a relationship are the same regardless of marriage or life partners. Same sex couples were able to spend their lives together without the lawful documentation of marriage, so it seems pretty shallow of you to say that a relationship cannot last the test of time and life experiences that yours has endured without marriage.

In short, wanting to get married doesn't make you superficial or in need of validation of your relationship. It doesn't make your relationship any more or less loving as long as both parties are loving towards one another, honest, etc. Being married doesn't make your relationship any better than unmarried couple. It's the love in the relationship.


Yep, I know. However the chances of success are higher if you are. I understand it's all very complex and everyone is different, however some people make it out to be cold and sterile, and that to me is absurd. Marriage should be cool and sweet. Like strawberries and cream in the morning. By the way congratulations on your engagement
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Posted 10/2/17 , edited 10/3/17
I prefer Gintama, tighter buns
Posted 10/3/17 , edited 10/3/17
Someone like this:



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