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hey i made a metal songo
Posted 10/14/17 , edited 10/14/17
hey u guys i made this
thoughts?

https://soundcloud.com/ascenttozenith/welcome-to
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Posted 10/14/17 , edited 10/14/17


good scheisse G
Posted 10/14/17 , edited 10/14/17

iambetterthanyou wrote:



good scheisse G


Thanks G. I think I'm going to mess with the bass some but think it's pretty nice
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Posted 10/15/17 , edited 10/15/17
A few things:
-Could use more of a melody line. I think it struggles to carry attention in the more "djent"y areas.
-I think it needs a bit more of an interest curve. The song kinda feels like its at 10 the whole time (except for a few seconds here and there). Theres not really much progress or any feeling of building/releasing tension so it starts to feel a bit monotonous.
-The intro feels like you dropped me in halfway through a song. Its strange
-I like the "chorus" part at 1:00
Posted 10/15/17 , edited 10/16/17

sundin13 wrote:

A few things:
-Could use more of a melody line. I think it struggles to carry attention in the more "djent"y areas.
-I think it needs a bit more of an interest curve. The song kinda feels like its at 10 the whole time (except for a few seconds here and there). Theres not really much progress or any feeling of building/releasing tension so it starts to feel a bit monotonous.
-The intro feels like you dropped me in halfway through a song. Its strange
-I like the "chorus" part at 1:00


That's interesting, where would you put melodies? I tried to keep this song to have a satisfying flow, while also giving a few punches.
But I can see what you are saying. I didn't have too much building up in that song. Besides the Chorus part I believe. I'm glad you like it though. I'm new to that sort of stuff.
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Posted 10/16/17 , edited 10/16/17

Zenpie wrote:


sundin13 wrote:

A few things:
-Could use more of a melody line. I think it struggles to carry attention in the more "djent"y areas.
-I think it needs a bit more of an interest curve. The song kinda feels like its at 10 the whole time (except for a few seconds here and there). Theres not really much progress or any feeling of building/releasing tension so it starts to feel a bit monotonous.
-The intro feels like you dropped me in halfway through a song. Its strange
-I like the "chorus" part at 1:00


That's interesting, where would you put melodies? I tried to keep this song to have a satisfying flow, while also giving a few punches.
But I can see what you are saying. I didn't have too much building up in that song. Besides the Chorus part I believe. I'm glad you like it though. I'm new to that sort of stuff.


Out of curiosity do you have a tab? Ill try to figure out where to put melodies later today.
Posted 10/16/17 , edited 10/16/17

sundin13 wrote:


Zenpie wrote:


sundin13 wrote:

A few things:
-Could use more of a melody line. I think it struggles to carry attention in the more "djent"y areas.
-I think it needs a bit more of an interest curve. The song kinda feels like its at 10 the whole time (except for a few seconds here and there). Theres not really much progress or any feeling of building/releasing tension so it starts to feel a bit monotonous.
-The intro feels like you dropped me in halfway through a song. Its strange
-I like the "chorus" part at 1:00


That's interesting, where would you put melodies? I tried to keep this song to have a satisfying flow, while also giving a few punches.
But I can see what you are saying. I didn't have too much building up in that song. Besides the Chorus part I believe. I'm glad you like it though. I'm new to that sort of stuff.


Out of curiosity do you have a tab? Ill try to figure out where to put melodies later today.


Tab, as in tabbed the song at? No I don't. Though the song is in in drop B.
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Posted 10/16/17 , edited 10/16/17

Zenpie wrote:

Tab, as in tabbed the song at? No I don't. Though the song is in in drop B.


Okay, so I listened to it again. Now obviously you don't have to take my advice, but here are my more detailed thoughts:
-The intro section (which is repeated again around 3:00) I think is the section which I think doesn't hold interest the most. I don't know if you could do something with the melody here, but honestly, I think you could just cut the section and rearrange things a bit (more on that later) and the song would be more interesting.
-The transition at 0:30 and transition at 1:49 clash. They are both different enough from the rest of the song but not quite similar enough to each other so I don't think they can really work in the same song. I like the transition at 0:30 a lot, so I would personally try to use that again.
-Section at 1:57 is begging for a melody or a solo.
-Transition at 2:27 is a bit rough.
-Bit at 3:30. I like it, but I don't really like where it is. That said, it could use more beat variety. Throw in some 32nds in there instead of just sticking with 16th notes (?).

So, rearrangement:

Verse (1:55-2:25)
Chorus (1:00-1:45) - I would try to boil this down (or write the final chorus up) to make the final chorus more climactic.
Transition (0:25-0:32)
Verse
Add in solo over verse line
Chorus
Breakdown (3:33-4:15) - Not entirely sure how this would fit because it seems to be based on the section which I would cut more than the other sections but like I said above, I think its quite good so either use it here or use it in another song.
Chorus
Outro - Maybe do something with the song fading into the transition bit or something with the same tone

Basically, I think you need to tie the song together better which I think is done by eliminating the bits which I don't think fit to make things tighter. Then you need to add more building to a conceivable climax which I think is done by rearrangement and writing slight variations of existing bits (ie adding a solo in one section and writing a second variation to the chorus)

Its your song, so obviously do what you want, but that is what I was thinking if you are interested in my input.
Posted 10/16/17 , edited 10/17/17

sundin13 wrote:


Zenpie wrote:

Tab, as in tabbed the song at? No I don't. Though the song is in in drop B.


Okay, so I listened to it again. Now obviously you don't have to take my advice, but here are my more detailed thoughts:
-The intro section (which is repeated again around 3:00) I think is the section which I think doesn't hold interest the most. I don't know if you could do something with the melody here, but honestly, I think you could just cut the section and rearrange things a bit (more on that later) and the song would be more interesting.
-The transition at 0:30 and transition at 1:49 clash. They are both different enough from the rest of the song but not quite similar enough to each other so I don't think they can really work in the same song. I like the transition at 0:30 a lot, so I would personally try to use that again.
-Section at 1:57 is begging for a melody or a solo.
-Transition at 2:27 is a bit rough.
-Bit at 3:30. I like it, but I don't really like where it is. That said, it could use more beat variety. Throw in some 32nds in there instead of just sticking with 16th notes (?).

So, rearrangement:

Verse (1:55-2:25)
Chorus (1:00-1:45) - I would try to boil this down (or write the final chorus up) to make the final chorus more climactic.
Transition (0:25-0:32)
Verse
Add in solo over verse line
Chorus
Breakdown (3:33-4:15) - Not entirely sure how this would fit because it seems to be based on the section which I would cut more than the other sections but like I said above, I think its quite good so either use it here or use it in another song.
Chorus
Outro - Maybe do something with the song fading into the transition bit or something with the same tone

Basically, I think you need to tie the song together better which I think is done by eliminating the bits which I don't think fit to make things tighter. Then you need to add more building to a conceivable climax which I think is done by rearrangement and writing slight variations of existing bits (ie adding a solo in one section and writing a second variation to the chorus)

Its your song, so obviously do what you want, but that is what I was thinking if you are interested in my input.


Where is your knowledge coming from by the way? Is it just opinionated or is their some sort of background to it? And I think you have interesting opinions on it. I'm going to look at the song and what you said and think about it. I have my ideas and what not and my thought process. I personally thought the song flowed better than any of my other songs.

Also the song is played in a 4/4 beat with triplet notes. Except at the 1:45 ish part it's 4/4 with a regular 4th or 8th notes or whatever. It then switched back after the next transition.
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Posted 10/16/17 , edited 10/17/17

Zenpie wrote:

Where is your knowledge coming from by the way? Is it just opinionated or is their some sort of background to it? And I think you have interesting opinions on it. I'm going to look at the song and what you said and think about it. I have my ideas and what not and my thought process. I personally thought the song flowed better than any of my other songs.

Also the song is played in a 4/4 beat with triplet notes. Except at the 1:45 ish part it's 4/4 with a regular 4th or 8th notes or whatever. It then switched back after the next transition.


It comes from a life of writing (and listening to) music. That's about it. Not really much more than that to say. I certainly don't want my opinions to come across as some musical gospel. They are just my opinions. That said, in my personal opinion, I'm pretty good at figuring out why things don't work (for me at least).

I've said my piece, take out of it what you will.
Posted 10/16/17 , edited 10/17/17

sundin13 wrote:


Zenpie wrote:

Where is your knowledge coming from by the way? Is it just opinionated or is their some sort of background to it? And I think you have interesting opinions on it. I'm going to look at the song and what you said and think about it. I have my ideas and what not and my thought process. I personally thought the song flowed better than any of my other songs.

Also the song is played in a 4/4 beat with triplet notes. Except at the 1:45 ish part it's 4/4 with a regular 4th or 8th notes or whatever. It then switched back after the next transition.


It comes from a life of writing (and listening to) music. That's about it. Not really much more than that to say. I certainly don't want my opinions to come across as some musical gospel. They are just my opinions. That said, in my personal opinion, I'm pretty good at figuring out why things don't work (for me at least).

I've said my piece, take out of it what you will.


Can I check out any of your music? I've been making music for like 4 years now. But it's only been about a year since I started really 'catching' it I feel.

EDIT: I should say it feels pretty nice for someone to destroy my music. It's been years since someone has.
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Posted 10/16/17 , edited 10/17/17

Zenpie wrote:


sundin13 wrote:


Zenpie wrote:

Where is your knowledge coming from by the way? Is it just opinionated or is their some sort of background to it? And I think you have interesting opinions on it. I'm going to look at the song and what you said and think about it. I have my ideas and what not and my thought process. I personally thought the song flowed better than any of my other songs.

Also the song is played in a 4/4 beat with triplet notes. Except at the 1:45 ish part it's 4/4 with a regular 4th or 8th notes or whatever. It then switched back after the next transition.


It comes from a life of writing (and listening to) music. That's about it. Not really much more than that to say. I certainly don't want my opinions to come across as some musical gospel. They are just my opinions. That said, in my personal opinion, I'm pretty good at figuring out why things don't work (for me at least).

I've said my piece, take out of it what you will.


Can I check out any of your music? I've been making music for like 4 years now. But it's only been about a year since I started really 'catching' it I feel.


I don't have any of it up online (and I don't really write metal anyways). That said, you are probably a better guitarist than me and you definitely know more than me when it comes to recording.

EDIT: And my intent was never to destroy anything xD I think a lot of it is really good. Just think it could be better. Glad that you like the criticism though. I'm always a bit unsure how hard I should go when critiquing something because it is easy to just end up pissing someone off.
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Posted 10/16/17 , edited 10/17/17
Love the bass solo at :30
Posted 10/16/17 , edited 10/17/17
Here is a remixed version. I like this mix a lot more.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jiR4TcyFZd0&feature=youtu.be
Posted 10/16/17 , edited 10/17/17

nonspecificscientific wrote:

Love the bass solo at :30


Glad to hear it but that actually isn't the bass

That is the same intro melody programmed on a keyboard with a acoustic sounding program
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