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A very awkward request
Posted 1/10/18 , edited 1/10/18
Go eat something.

You’re not you when you’re hungry.
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Posted 1/10/18 , edited 1/10/18

kiraralove wrote:

Those are pretty cool hobbies! Hmm but are you meeting any girls through them? I'd suggest adding to that list maybe ballroom dancing? (as in like salsa) you might live near a dance studio...a lot of young girls go to those. I used to go there and there were always a lot of girls and sometimes even a shortage of men because a lot of guys don't want to learn to dance, I guess. Dancing is very attractive in a guy though especially if he's good at it. You have to get physically close to girls too and everything. I think it is a pretty nice opportunity to meet people. Sometimes depending on the studio there might even be a get together or meet ups from other studios at social clubs. Just a suggestion.

Well, maybe start with slipping in compliments in conversation naturally? Like on her clothes, her nails, or her makeup. Let her know you noticed the effort she put into her appearance and appreciate it. This may even open up even more conversation for you.

It's easy to know if they reciprocate because they banter back and such, you know what I mean?. She also sometimes gets this look in her eyes like a little sparkle if she's interested. You may not be able to tell immediately but with experience you'll be able to see it.

A key thing you need to have is confidence when you approach a girl, it helps a ton that you're well dressed and smell good. Lock eyes with her often but not in an intense creepy way. In a way that shows that you care about what she's saying and that she has your attention.

When you get her number, do not be clingy. Take some time before responding to her, never respond immediately. Don't start texting her if she doesn't answer you immediately, either (edit: By this I mean, if she takes a long time to respond don't freak out and keep texting her multiple times because she won't respond to as you as fast as you'd like, to clarify). Huge turn off and red flag for girls. Girls like a little push and pull, don't show her you're completely available to her. The chase makes you more enticing.


But I don't dance; trust me, that is not the route to go. But I get the point. There's actually several females in my Martial Arts Class.

And what you describe as flirtation is the exact opposite of how I do things.

And I have confidence, but IDK about the rest. I don't dress up, but I stay clean.
And but why though? Why does it have to be this back and forth thing? Why can't it be simple?
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Posted 1/10/18 , edited 1/10/18

blackstarking wrote:

Go eat something.

You’re not you when you’re hungry.


But I'm not ungry
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Posted 1/10/18 , edited 1/10/18

niotabunny wrote:

meh relationships are over rated, but if you feel you need to beat that lonely feeling invest in a dog, safer and cheaper. however, if you feel you must experience what you think most people have, then the best bet is (in my opinion) make certain you are aware of things. do you want trash or a person who is independent, or perhaps you want some little "pet". trust me there are several types of females out there all equally awkward or normal, etc.

if you're wanting something serious, best to have some cash flow, a steady income, car, house of some sort (apartment or living with parents). even if you go dutch, dates aren't cheap. as for talking to them, that's when it gets bad in some cases, thanks to all these fluffs who believe men aren't allowed to pick up a girl... have you tried parties, searching on the net in regards to "the hangout" sort of thing, there are coffee shops, malls, stores...

approach with kindness and respect, unless of course she's got a super short skirt on and if she wants twenty might want to back away slowly unless you want that. depending on the area, some females are cool with such things, but it is all based upon your reaction and your "social" standing. a lot of females will date and require you to pay, others will do dutch and not feel they are obligated to "give out" and some will take you for a ride you don't even want to do down. so, in the end, play it cool, if some chick is checking you out, gradually slide over for a meet and greet, just don't make it too awkward or you'll spook her. granted, make certain it is a female, unless that's what you're seeking. the world is insane, be prepared for that, then, after that it's based upon physics. trial and error until the proper path is found. other local haunts to find females are at bars and the likes, not last call or anything, but there are classy ladies or those who are seeking rebound relationships or something. who knows until you "break the ice".

if you're going to get back into sports, there are plenty of chicks who hang out at these places still. unless you're wanting just a hook up like only Tinder can provide, you will find those, but if you're looking for what match and eharmony can produce you'll find those too. best of luck and have some fun, you never know what you're going to find until you start the first stages of conversations. granted, keep in mind, it could take a few tries to talk, let alone get digits and so forth. some women put out on the first date, others make you work for it. life truly is like a box of chocolates...


No hookups
Cash flow and the rest to hopefully come later (I'm finishing up school at the moment)

And I'm not entirely sure what I want. Actually, no, I think I know what type of girl I would like. I'll work on that. And I would like it to happen naturally, but clearly that isn't working too well.
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Posted 1/10/18 , edited 1/10/18

HateKillingCamels wrote:

A girl isn't going to make your life suck any less, trust me.


It can sometimes it's the only thing that can turn your life from meh to Awesome.
That being said it's different for everyone but asking on a forum won't help XD
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Posted 1/10/18 , edited 1/10/18
You get back what you put in, it's that simple. He's putting something in, let's see if he gets something back. At least he's trying and who knows he might just find the right lady to knock some sense into him.


Go get em Tiger!
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Posted 1/10/18 , edited 1/10/18
Don't forget to respect wamen Zero
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Posted 1/10/18 , edited 1/10/18
I would advise keeping your options opon online dating has become a ever increasing satistical way for people to meet their potential spouse. Statistics vary, but its somewhere 19 and 35% depending on the study

Other places are places of employment and university.

To meet potential spouses you need to go out or spend time doing activities with people. Make friends with friends of friends ask if you can come to on outings without being to overbearing.

Join hobbies/classes where they allow time to get to know someone / teaming up/ grouping like creative writing/ art/sport.

This one becomes more relivent as your circle gets older and starts marrying.Go to weddings there will be people like you as wanting to move forward and commit ect...

Volunteer or join societies/ clubs at university This is how I met my husband. We were both eventually president of the same society.

University is a great place to find someone and a lot of people do find their future spouse there even if they don't get together while attending.

Build yourself up and do things that make you feel confident and good about yourself then you'll find that carries over and makes you more able to approach women.

No one knows what they are doing my husband and I are crap at dating and don't know how we happened really we just did haha

Just don't preasure yourself date women find out what you like and don't like. Find out what you can tolerate and what you want and need in a relationship it might take a few relationships that don't work out but that's learning we all go through it. It's how we arrive where we are supposed to and know what we want and need.






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Posted 1/10/18 , edited 1/10/18
Also dont just look into your interests only as, as you get older those interests can mature, change or slowly fade.

my husband and I still like anime but were not heavily into it like we were between 18-25 years old. I use to be on anime convention committees ect... but now I dont have the same passions and interests... neither does he

you change together so its important you dont base a relationship on things that might change.

we share a lot of interests and hopes for the future we do things together and apart he likes some things I hate and I watch things he dsnt like while he does things im not interested in. We do things together and apart and as a family.

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Posted 1/10/18 , edited 1/10/18

Ryulightorb wrote:


HateKillingCamels wrote:

A girl isn't going to make your life suck any less, trust me.


It can sometimes it's the only thing that can turn your life from meh to Awesome.
That being said it's different for everyone but asking on a forum won't help XD


True, but what most people are referring to is that you shouldn't be with someone because they make you happy...

Or rather 1. they are the only source of your happiness

Or rather 2. you think of them solely as a source of happiness

People are people and occasionally they're awesome, but mostly they suck or they're ambivalent. Happiness is about what's in you, and you REALLY REALLY need to develop those "I can be happy even if the rest of the world goes and offs itself" feelings.

And, of course, once you do ALLLLLLLLLLLLL the ladies will flock to you cause that's attractive. (actually, most often they are going to be looking to you for their source of happiness and since you found out you can be happy without them, they're just going to end up being a drain on you and you're not going to like having people around, and then you start to realize how much of a drain you were on others before you got super awesome "I AM HAPPY WITHOUT ALL YOU FUCKERS" powers. It's a weird irony about the world).

Long story short: people? fuck 'em. Find your own personal happy.

EDIT: oh yeah, and a lot of that drive to be with people is actually your biological imperative to procreate which evolution has REALLY hammered into us mere mortal creatures as a way to spread the genome and the species coupled with a bit more recent evolutionary predisposition towards socialness (primarily because groups of people can do more than individuals and there's safety in numbers). Without these drives, you'd realize sooner how much other people suck, and that it's only because of these driving forces that you even want to be around them.

In short: nature is a bitch that wants you to interact with others for its own gains.
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Posted 1/10/18 , edited 1/11/18

serifsansserif wrote:


Ryulightorb wrote:


HateKillingCamels wrote:

A girl isn't going to make your life suck any less, trust me.


It can sometimes it's the only thing that can turn your life from meh to Awesome.
That being said it's different for everyone but asking on a forum won't help XD


True, but what most people are referring to is that you shouldn't be with someone because they make you happy...

Or rather 1. they are the only source of your happiness

Or rather 2. you think of them solely as a source of happiness

People are people and occasionally they're awesome, but mostly they suck or they're ambivalent. Happiness is about what's in you, and you REALLY REALLY need to develop those "I can be happy even if the rest of the world goes and offs itself" feelings.

And, of course, once you do ALLLLLLLLLLLLL the ladies will flock to you cause that's attractive. (actually, most often they are going to be looking to you for their source of happiness and since you found out you can be happy without them, they're just going to end up being a drain on you and you're not going to like having people around, and then you start to realize how much of a drain you were on others before you got super awesome "I AM HAPPY WITHOUT ALL YOU FUCKERS" powers. It's a weird irony about the world).

Long story short: people? fuck 'em. Find your own personal happy.

EDIT: oh yeah, and a lot of that drive to be with people is actually your biological imperative to procreate which evolution has REALLY hammered into us mere mortal creatures as a way to spread the genome and the species coupled with a bit more recent evolutionary predisposition towards socialness (primarily because groups of people can do more than individuals and there's safety in numbers). Without these drives, you'd realize sooner how much other people suck, and that it's only because of these driving forces that you even want to be around them.

In short: nature is a bitch that wants you to interact with others for its own gains.


I understand people as a whole can a bitches
And I understand the primal need for procreation; I mentioned at in passing at the start

And I can maybe be happy on my own? I'm working on that too. I was fully capable of that, but things shifted. Still ironing out some kinks. This is just part of the plan. Something related to money not buying happiness but it's better to cry in a ferrari. Or something like that
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Posted 1/10/18 , edited 1/11/18

zero356 wrote:

I understand people as a whole can a bitches
And I understand the primal need for procreation; I mentioned at in passing at the start

And I can maybe be happy on my own? I'm working on that too. I was fully capable of that, but things shifted. Still ironing out some kinks. This is just part of the plan. Something related to money not buying happiness but it's better to cry in a ferrari. Or something like that


I think discontent is part of the human condition. I'd say you aren't going to find an answer to your question completely nor are you ever going to get rid of that existential dread. Part of it is good to hold on to, as it can act as a driving force to try and do better in life, make your mark, and ask the questions about how you would define a well lived "good" life. Without it keeping it in check though, and without understanding that it's a lifelong thing without an answer, you're apt to fall into mistakes you wouldn't otherwise. Trust me, you'll still make plenty of mistakes, and that's ok,but you really want to not make more than you need to because they can be painful and costly.

Nevertheless, to each person the path and the answers along the path are unique to each individual. Seek the path and not the people you pass along the way.



I'm 36 and what I said previously and above has been based on experience. I have found ways to be comfortable with myself and by myself, but even though I want companionship (and for me I'm not even looking for a lover, just a friend), it's difficult to find what I'm looking for because so many other people are struggling with just feeling comfortable in their own skin and at the same time learning how uncaring the world is and how little it lives up to their individual ideals.

It's lonely, and I have no real advice. I can only say that having learned this portion, my biggest challenge now is how to reintegrate. How to accept and compromise....

Life is a very odd and sometimes nonsensical thing.
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Posted 1/10/18 , edited 1/11/18
Lol the guy above thinks he is God itself LMAO
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Posted 1/10/18 , edited 1/11/18

serifsansserif wrote:


Ryulightorb wrote:


HateKillingCamels wrote:

A girl isn't going to make your life suck any less, trust me.


It can sometimes it's the only thing that can turn your life from meh to Awesome.
That being said it's different for everyone but asking on a forum won't help XD


True, but what most people are referring to is that you shouldn't be with someone because they make you happy...

Or rather 1. they are the only source of your happiness

Or rather 2. you think of them solely as a source of happiness

People are people and occasionally they're awesome, but mostly they suck or they're ambivalent. Happiness is about what's in you, and you REALLY REALLY need to develop those "I can be happy even if the rest of the world goes and offs itself" feelings.

And, of course, once you do ALLLLLLLLLLLLL the ladies will flock to you cause that's attractive. (actually, most often they are going to be looking to you for their source of happiness and since you found out you can be happy without them, they're just going to end up being a drain on you and you're not going to like having people around, and then you start to realize how much of a drain you were on others before you got super awesome "I AM HAPPY WITHOUT ALL YOU FUCKERS" powers. It's a weird irony about the world).

Long story short: people? fuck 'em. Find your own personal happy.

EDIT: oh yeah, and a lot of that drive to be with people is actually your biological imperative to procreate which evolution has REALLY hammered into us mere mortal creatures as a way to spread the genome and the species coupled with a bit more recent evolutionary predisposition towards socialness (primarily because groups of people can do more than individuals and there's safety in numbers). Without these drives, you'd realize sooner how much other people suck, and that it's only because of these driving forces that you even want to be around them.

In short: nature is a bitch that wants you to interact with others for its own gains.


Well of course that's only sensible.
Though i would disagree Happiness is whats in you i'm only happy around others sure im happy with myself but i could never be happy BY myself without friends or family or love etc that's not because there is nothing for me to be happy about but because my needs for happiness are different.

Different people have different needs for happiness.

Also i wouldn't say people suck i would say a ton of people are bad people but its the good ones you go for a relationship is nice but as said should not be your only source of happiness.

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Posted 1/10/18 , edited 1/11/18

Ryulightorb wrote:

Well of course that's only sensible.
Though i would disagree Happiness is whats in you i'm only happy around others sure im happy with myself but i could never be happy BY myself without friends or family or love etc that's not because there is nothing for me to be happy about but because my needs for happiness are different.

Different people have different needs for happiness.

Also i wouldn't say people suck i would say a ton of people are bad people but its the good ones you go for a relationship is nice but as said should not be your only source of happiness.



Yes. After you find happiness on your own,the next way loneliness assaults you is in the fact that happiness is best felt when it is shared.

The thing I wish to mention though isn't that people suck because they are bad or good.

Everyone is both bad AND good and even that is incredibly subjective.. After all, what is good? What is bad? if it makes you feel good is it good? is it good if it makes others feel good at the cost of your happiness? There's no real metrics on good or evil except that you learn to define these things and that, for the most part, they are an internal feeling and one based on your own rationality of good and evil.

But even that is nonsensical because people aren't good or evil, only their actions.


But even actions are wholly good or evil, and their outcomes are often a mix of the two, which in turn may or may not lead to good things themselves.

Perhaps rather than outcomes motives are were lie good and evil? But even then people are still not wholly good or evil, and even the most vile acts can be caused by the best of intentions (and vice versa).

It's a rabbit hole you can delve into quite easily...

Suffie to say, nothing is truly evil or good. Which, in and of itself can be one of the most damning things about life and humanity: its utter mundane-ness. Evil isn't a supervillain hellbent on destroying the world. It's a business trying to maximize its profits at the cost of either its employees or customers... Just like every other one. It's not someone purposefully dumping toxic waste down the sewers intent on destroying the planet. It's the careless person deciding to just toss a bottle onto the road. It's not the racist hate groups that cause genocide, it's simply processing paperwork...

There's no real great good either in the same light... Though in this case, it's hopeful to know that the smallest of acts can hide within a great kindness.... It's not the giving a million dollars in a grand act that holds its precious goodness, but a simple act at the right time. Whisper of it and you'll break its magic.

Anyhow... We're getting further and further away.

I apologize for hijacking this. God only knows why I got on this tangent.
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