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The plot to a story that I'm trying to work on
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Posted 1/12/18 , edited 1/19/18
So, here is the plot and I hope I can stick with this one. I've made a lot of changes by adding a whole new story.



Here is the link to the story:

https://www.fictionpress.com/s/3319618/1/The-Secret-Life-of-Cosmina-Veckendeck

The story will be a rough draft/unedited. There will be room for improvement later because I just want to write.

You can be brutal as you want to be or kind but honest.

What do you think?


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Posted 1/13/18 , edited 1/13/18
Honestly the plot itself matters very little. Good prose, endearing characters, tight dialogue and intelligently communicated themes can make pretty much any plot work. Good luck with your story though.
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Posted 1/13/18 , edited 1/13/18

octorockandroll wrote:

Honestly the plot itself matters very little. Good prose, endearing characters, tight dialogue and intelligently communicated themes can make pretty much any plot work. Good luck with your story though.


Thanks so much.
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Posted 1/13/18 , edited 1/14/18
I think you should write! As always, that is the most important part.

On the premise, all I have to say is try not to get too bogged down by backstory. Make sure that you are moving the plot forwards and not spending too long in the past.

Good luck!
Humms 
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Posted 1/14/18 , edited 1/14/18
That has to be quite the back story.

What do I think.

Try focusing on the life they live now instead of the life that they lost. have their Moral compass prove the life they live now is still effected by such outcomes as well as the people around them.

I wouldn't make this about a lone wolf, unless you can truly handle it By the sound of it, you never created an isolated incident, but a full scale domination, you just found it convenient to focus on one particular incident.

Who is really effected from this>? 2 people? I like to think there is much more than simply Taking back what was lost, a vengeance created from the soul purpose of dividing humanity to make way for the one true ruler.

Thats just me
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Posted 1/14/18 , edited 1/14/18

Humms wrote:

That has to be quite the back story.

What do I think.

Try focusing on the life they live now instead of the life that they lost. have their Moral compass prove the life they live now is still effected by such outcomes as well as the people around them.

I wouldn't make this about a lone wolf, unless you can truly handle it By the sound of it, you never created an isolated incident, but a full scale domination, you just found it convenient to focus on one particular incident.

Who is really effected from this>? 2 people? I like to think there is much more than simply Taking back what was lost, a vengeance created from the soul purpose of dividing humanity to make way for the one true ruler.

Thats just me


Thank you so much.


I might make this into a play before I make it into a novel. Just to try something new-ish.
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Posted 1/17/18 , edited 1/18/18
I've made some changes by creating a whole new plot. I've decided to try something simple and less challenging.

Sorry.
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Posted 1/17/18 , edited 1/18/18

sundin13 wrote:

I think you should write! As always, that is the most important part.

On the premise, all I have to say is try not to get too bogged down by backstory. Make sure that you are moving the plot forwards and not spending too long in the past.

Good luck!


I've made changes. In fact, I've written another plot to a whole different story.

Check it out when you have the chance.

Thank you.
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Posted 1/20/18 , edited 1/20/18
I just hope I can get past chapter five with this story or at least close to it.

I screwed up on chapter two a little.
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Posted 1/20/18 , edited 1/20/18
1) Watch your tenses. In your first sentence, you hop from present to past and then next sentence, you jump back again. And to that effect, which tense do you want? Present is a bit of an artsy, experimental choice, while past tends to be the standard. They both have their upsides, but you have to pick one!

2) Write more. That first paragraph could easily be three or four paragraphs. Hell, you could probably make a few pages out of it if you really went hog-wild (not saying that you should, just that you could). Take the time to paint the whole picture instead of just a few details. Actually, a lot of times when I'm writing I try to write everything but the one thing that I really want to say, but in a way that those unspoken words are inferred. Like, the main point of that paragraph is the relationship between the two characters and how the main character thinks about the friend. Don't tell me how she feels, paint all the details around it, so that the reader just understands. I feel like every sentence should be saying two things. There is the literal meaning of what is being said and there are the details behind it, largely drawing from what isn't said, or how things are said.

That said, keep writing! Don't give up on this one! One of the most important parts of writing is finishing and editing. Just keep moving forwards!
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Posted 1/20/18 , edited 1/20/18

sundin13 wrote:

1) Watch your tenses. In your first sentence, you hop from present to past and then next sentence, you jump back again. And to that effect, which tense do you want? Present is a bit of an artsy, experimental choice, while past tends to be the standard. They both have their upsides, but you have to pick one!

2) Write more. That first paragraph could easily be three or four paragraphs. Hell, you could probably make a few pages out of it if you really went hog-wild (not saying that you should, just that you could). Take the time to paint the whole picture instead of just a few details. Actually, a lot of times when I'm writing I try to write everything but the one thing that I really want to say, but in a way that those unspoken words are inferred. Like, the main point of that paragraph is the relationship between the two characters and how the main character thinks about the friend. Don't tell me how she feels, paint all the details around it, so that the reader just understands. I feel like every sentence should be saying two things. There is the literal meaning of what is being said and there are the details behind it, largely drawing from what isn't said, or how things are said.

That said, keep writing! Don't give up on this one! One of the most important parts of writing is finishing and editing. Just keep moving forwards!


Thanks so much for the critical feedback. I surely needed it.
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Posted 1/20/18 , edited 1/20/18

qualeshia3 wrote:


sundin13 wrote:

1) Watch your tenses. In your first sentence, you hop from present to past and then next sentence, you jump back again. And to that effect, which tense do you want? Present is a bit of an artsy, experimental choice, while past tends to be the standard. They both have their upsides, but you have to pick one!

2) Write more. That first paragraph could easily be three or four paragraphs. Hell, you could probably make a few pages out of it if you really went hog-wild (not saying that you should, just that you could). Take the time to paint the whole picture instead of just a few details. Actually, a lot of times when I'm writing I try to write everything but the one thing that I really want to say, but in a way that those unspoken words are inferred. Like, the main point of that paragraph is the relationship between the two characters and how the main character thinks about the friend. Don't tell me how she feels, paint all the details around it, so that the reader just understands. I feel like every sentence should be saying two things. There is the literal meaning of what is being said and there are the details behind it, largely drawing from what isn't said, or how things are said.

That said, keep writing! Don't give up on this one! One of the most important parts of writing is finishing and editing. Just keep moving forward!


Thanks so much for the critical feedback. I surely needed it.


I want to clarify, when you write, always have something that you are trying to say. When I say write more, I don't just mean put more onto the paper, I mean that I want to you to say more. A sentence that does nothing but convey empty information should be cut, but often it takes more than a few words to truly say something (that said, I think you can use bluntness to great effect, as long as there is contrast).
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Posted 1/21/18 , edited 1/21/18

sundin13 wrote:

I want to clarify, when you write, always have something that you are trying to say. When I say write more, I don't just mean put more onto the paper, I mean that I want to you to say more. A sentence that does nothing but convey empty information should be cut, but often it takes more than a few words to truly say something (that said, I think you can use bluntness to great effect, as long as there is contrast).



So, I need to show more instead of telling in my story. I struggle with that really bad and I learn that it's best to do both. I want to show and tell in my story as a way of keeping balance.

Thanks again though.
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Posted 1/21/18 , edited 1/21/18

qualeshia3 wrote:


sundin13 wrote:

I want to clarify, when you write, always have something that you are trying to say. When I say write more, I don't just mean put more onto the paper, I mean that I want to you to say more. A sentence that does nothing but convey empty information should be cut, but often it takes more than a few words to truly say something (that said, I think you can use bluntness to great effect, as long as there is contrast).



So, I need to show more instead of telling in my story. I struggle with that really bad and I learn that it's best to do both. I want to show and tell in my story as a way of keeping balance.

Thanks again though.


Yes, but I think it goes a little further than that. I think you can do a lot more to paint the scene. For example, think about the scene and what you want your readers to feel. How do want me to feel in that library in the beginning? Remember, I don't know anything about this setting at this point. What type of library is this? Is it a pristine library with white marble columns and a vast trove of books all neatly aligned, or is it a dark, dusty library, lit by candles, with piles of books lining the floors. Remember, that setting is great at establishing tone.

Then keep going. What does Maiandra look like while reading? What do the two characters say to each other? How does the school feel? How do you distinguish Kieran and Dom?

Think about the details of every sentence and whether or not that sentence was the best way you could establish what you are trying to say. Also, think about the things that you--the omnipotent writer--feel when you are reading through your work and whether or not you have accurately transcribed those emotions onto your page. The author has the world in their head, so sometimes they allow that world to leak into their imagination while reading, which adds certain feelings to the work that aren't inherent to it.
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Posted 1/21/18 , edited 1/21/18

sundin13 wrote:

Yes, but I think it goes a little further than that. I think you can do a lot more to paint the scene. For example, think about the scene and what you want your readers to feel. How do want me to feel in that library in the beginning? Remember, I don't know anything about this setting at this point. What type of library is this? Is it a pristine library with white marble columns and a vast trove of books all neatly aligned, or is it a dark, dusty library, lit by candles, with piles of books lining the floors. Remember, that setting is great at establishing tone.

Then keep going. What does Maiandra look like while reading? What do the two characters say to each other? How does the school feel? How do you distinguish Kieran and Dom?

Think about the details of every sentence and whether or not that sentence was the best way you could establish what you are trying to say. Also, think about the things that you--the omnipotent writer--feel when you are reading through your work and whether or not you have accurately transcribed those emotions onto your page. The author has the world in their head, so sometimes they allow that world to leak into their imagination while reading, which adds certain feelings to the work that aren't inherent to it.


True but this is just a rough draft which I failed to mention. So, I will try to do better and put the story in third person.
Ugh! Just thinking about it makes me want to cry. Oh well, no matter.


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