A Hero's Tale
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Posted 1/24/18 , edited 1/27/18
Here is a story that I am working on:

Title: From Zero To Hero

Setting: Illfreycombe(city), Crainada(country)

Genres: Action, Adventure, Drama, Humor, Fantasy, Superpowers, and Hurt-Comfort.

POV: First-Person

Premise: A teenage boy with no superpowers tries to become a hero

Summary: Can a person save lives and change the world without superpowers? One boy thinks so. Kane Christopher wants to save lives, fight villains, and change the world without the use of superpowers. People like him are called Zeros because they lack superpowers. Enter his life as he tries to become the hero he has been yearning to be and make a difference. This is his story.

https://www.fictionpress.com/s/3320125/1/From-Zero-To-Hero


Read and review it. I'm looking to brush on my writing skills. It may seem like a fanfic but it's not. Plus it's a rough draft/unedited so there is more for improvement.

So, tell me, what do you think about it?
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Posted 1/25/18 , edited 1/26/18
I've made some changes to the story but only a little bit though.

Still, lend me your thoughts.
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Posted 1/27/18 , edited 1/27/18
I'd suggest trimming back your exposition. You have a lot of it, and I don't think it is necessary. Personally, I would delete the first chapter and the first non-dialogue paragraph in Chapter 2. Then, describe the scene as if it were the reader coming onto the scene without context. Immediately contextualizing it takes away the initial impact of the scene. What do they see? What are the heroes doing? You have the opportunity here to write a brief action sequence. If you haven't seen it, go watch the first Little Witch Academia short. Think about the scene were the main character watched the magic show as a child. It didn't need to tell the viewer much of anything, it got all of the necessary points across and was darn cool in the process.

Then you can introduce the full context, but do it naturally. Don't talk to the reader! Make your characters talk to each other, or even better, you could get this idea across without dialogue. The simple contrast between watching the amazingness of the hero fight and some every mundane activity the main character is dragged to afterward could have the same effect. You largely go down this route, but you still feel the need to exposit.

Finally, watch out about becoming too much like My Hero Academia ;)

Oh, and finally finally, keep writing!
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Posted 1/27/18 , edited 1/27/18

sundin13 wrote:

I'd suggest trimming back your exposition. You have a lot of it, and I don't think it is necessary. Personally, I would delete the first chapter and the first non-dialogue paragraph in Chapter 2. Then, describe the scene as if it were the reader coming onto the scene without context. Immediately contextualizing it takes away the initial impact of the scene. What do they see? What are the heroes doing? You have the opportunity here to write a brief action sequence. If you haven't seen it, go watch the first Little Witch Academia short. Think about the scene were the main character watched the magic show as a child. It didn't need to tell the viewer much of anything, it got all of the necessary points across and was darn cool in the process.

Then you can introduce the full context, but do it naturally. Don't talk to the reader! Make your characters talk to each other, or even better, you could get this idea across without dialogue. The simple contrast between watching the amazingness of the hero fight and some every mundane activity the main character is dragged to afterward could have the same effect. You largely go down this route, but you still feel the need to exposit.

Finally, watch out about becoming too much like My Hero Academia ;)

Oh, and finally finally, keep writing!



Thanks so much. I'll remember that when I revise it later. Right now I just want to see how far I can go with this story. I'm going to try to stay away turning it into MHA.

The hero Golden Hope won't give Kane some of his powers. Even if he did, Kane would turn the offer down and use no superpowers. He wants to be a hero without the use of superpowers.

Thanks again.
Dragon
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Posted 1/27/18 , edited 1/28/18
Closed by OP request
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