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22 / M
Posted 3/15/18 , edited 3/15/18
Hey have you ever stayed awake at night looking into the darkness for what seems like forever since you can’t go to sleep? I think it happens to us all sometimes. For me it’s been happening for years. I sleep, but I’m never asleep, if you know what I mean. Anyways what are your thoughts like when that happens to you? For me in the beginning my mind just wondered aimlessly thinking about the future, regretting the past, asking myself questions about who I am. Whenever I land on that question my mind just usually goes blank, but after awhile answers started to pop up.

They weren’t being answered by me though

Hey do you believe in possession?

I do...

Actually it would be wrong of me to say I believe, belief holds no weight to what ended up happening to me. Let me be clear though, since when we use words usually we don’t know what the other person quite means. Possession is kinda like when you become consumed by something, usually it’s an idea or belief, something like that, something that just takes over your consciousness, kinda like a parasite. I think demons are just like that, parasites that we allow into our own domain of consciousness. I say we allow them cause they can invade if we're not careful. They can be real tangible and visceral things though, like in my case. Usually though they're not, they're more subtle and weak. Apparently not all demons are harmful to humans, I mean calling them demons is poor word choice, but I think spirits is as well. Honestly I'm not sure there is a good enough word to describe these things in the English language, or at least none that I'm aware of.

Have you ever noticed that things like to stay alive in this world?

Every living organism is apparently just trying to reproduce, humans do it as well as you know. But behaviors man, thoughts even, they’re just dying to live too, and they do. Have you ever looked at the behaviors of humans, our patterns and wondered why we continue to do the same things over and over?

The things that you didn’t know want to be alive are alive.

All this sounds strange, but just hear me out. I’m not sure when it happened, but I know for a fact that my family has always had something awful deeply embedded within us, on both sides of my family, you may not have known since it’s hard for me to talk about, not to mention we hide it well, which is why this letter probably surprises you. Like attracts like, it’s strange how fucked up my mom and dad are, but I digress, this isn't about them.

I had the demon tell me on one occasion that my condition was congenital, like we were born together, hahahahah.

The demon told me a lot about life.

You wanna hear about it?

Well I’m telling you anyway, and listen up it sounds interesting at the very least.

Apparently we’re all born with a path in life, some deeper aspect of sorts, humans that is. Simply put, it’s kinda like a path from birth to death. The more we stay in line with that the better we’ll feel and the more we’ll enjoy life. The demon also said that humans have various spirits attached to us, that they comprise us, that they sit in the background and inform various aspects of ourselves into being, and the quality of our life path is determined by how well our spirits are able to translate out into the world we inhabit, i.e. our physical body, our thoughts, and emotions too. It’s all usually muddled though, since growth itself along with human nature, our societies creates these layers that impeded the spirits from conducting through us, and we then experience reality through this weird filter, unable to see things from a more neutral human experience, and thus carrying out a life that is influenced greatly by the things we’ve acquired through the course of our life, and not the spirits. The demon said more, like that after we die and our life is spent these spirits disperse, some return to the earth, some venture out, but to be honest it’s kinda hard to follow.

If all that's truth then what am I really?

How can humans experience life uninhibited?

At first hearing all that tripped me out, I mean for awhile there I thought I was going crazy, but I know that I wouldn’t be able to make that all up on the fly, and well the demon kept coming back, and we kept chatting.

You know I felt robbed in life.

The demon said that life didn't care about anyone in particular, that the heavens and the earth didn't favor anyone thing over the other...

looking at it now I really don't mind if that were to be the case

I mean really who the hell was I going to tell? I didn’t want people to think I was a nut, get sent to some insane asylum, put on drugs or some horrid shit like that. Though that's just my bias, but knowing what I know right now it wouldn't have ended well if that did end up happening. In the end though I didn’t want to believe it either, but it was all to real.

I wonder when it was that I accepted it?

I really wonder if all that the demon said is true, I was never told where he got the information from. I think it’s cause we don’t see the world the same, I mean I know we don’t since I’ve seen the world in his perspective at times. It's so different, his nature is so different, much simpler than ours.

Over the years I’ve wondered what my path was, or what it could of been. I dunno what path I’m on, but since me and the demon were born at the same time apparently we’re inextricably tied together and thus on the same path, but not really, it’s more like a battle, kinda like two parallel lines but they’re connected somehow, fighting for their own sovereignty. I think in my make up the demon is like an extra spirit, but nonetheless he’s ultimately self-destructive.

Nah it isn't a battle, it's more like a slaughter, who am I kidding, hahahaha!

He wants to kill us so that his spirit will be unbound and free

At this point I stopped caring, I've tossed everything to the wind, and I welcome death

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