I accidently shit myself while peeing myself

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25 / M / North America
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Posted 6 days ago , edited 6 days ago
how do I vanish the evidence? I cant leave it under my bed forever
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41 / M / NJ
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26 / M / Bulgaria, South-E...
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Throw it through the window while the people you live with will not see you. I hope this helps.
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33 / M / Bellingham WA, USA
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Happens to the best of us.
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19 / M / Hellsalem's Lot
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I'm not sure how to get rid of excrement, but after one and a half years of college I've learned quite a lot about disposing of dead bodies. In 2018 alone I managed to kill probably around 37 Romanian prostitutes during intercourse, so you know I have a lot of experience.

Okie smokes, first things first is you want to move the body from out under the bed (or wherever you have stored it), off the floor and onto a plastic tarpaulin so you can get a clear view of the blood stains it leaves behind. If any limbs or other bodily items that were previously attached are lying around you also want to seal those up in individual (preferably non-transparent) bags. I like to use self-sealing polyethylene ones from Aldi, as they're good value for money and reliable.

Next you want to check for blood stains and clear marks on the floor and furniture. Make sure to check all over the room, as that pesky evidence always seems to find itself in strange and seemingly impossible locations. Remember, the police will likely always bring sniffer dogs to the scene afterwards so a good combo to use is bleach with a rough scrubbing brush (or just a towel if you're on a budget). You can also use washing up liquid if you have any available, and then possibly a vacuum cleaner for any remains that you can't quite spot or can't be bothered to put in a dustpan. Finally, a crucial element of the process is to make sure that none of your fingerprints or identity revealing marks can be found anywhere on the body. You may want to chop it up or bathe it in acid to remove the top layer of skin.

Ok, so now that the body is all sealed up and the blood is cleaned off you want to find a reliable dumping location for the corpse. If you know any trustworthy contacts that specialise in this procedure then they are always a good place to call. Remember, when it comes to disposing of unwanted, dead people in your place of residence, you are never alone. If no-one is available, a simple dumpster will do just fine as long as it is far enough away from where you live (they may be able to track it back once the bin-men take it and discover the body).

River's can be quite efficient, as they automatically carry the evidence away from you, however it is best to do this in a deep, flowing body of water away from any busy areas so that you won't be spotted by a civilian, or worse a camera. Nearby civilians can be easily dealt with if you take along an effective weapon, as you can just dump their body along with the one you were already dumping. Dropping it in a stream running into a close-by ocean is a guaranteed win, as there is little chance it will be spotted before it is out on the open sea.

Lastly, if you have seen Breaking Bad, there is an episode where Jesse and Walter dissolve the body of a criminal in a bathe of acid. Corrosion was brought up previously in this guide, but only to dissolve a layer of skin. If you are sure you want to wait for the entire body to dissolve you can, but it will take a while. Also, as seen on the show, it can be quite problematic to dispose of the remains afterwards. This option is often used by "Cleaners", professionals in body disposal, bu they normally take the corpse back to a secure location before liquefying it. If you really wanna get something dissolved just leave it to the professionals, unless you are confident in your skills.

Well that's it, I hope you found this useful. I'm not sure how good this guide will be for disposing of poop, but I'm sure that if you run through the same processes you'll remove the evidence in no time
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M / UK
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Well then
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21 / F
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Just leave it on someone's (someone being someone whomst you hate) porch. Not your problem!
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25 / F / Iced Latte
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Haha this was so funny omg I almost spit out my Venti Carmel Frappucino with non-fat coconut milk exactly 2 1/2 cups of sugar with 4 chocolate drizzles, 6 1/2 pump of carmel drizzles, 3 espresso shots mixed with extra whip cream as well as birthday cake pop mixed with strawberries on top, chocolate flakes, pump of vanilla, one pump of hazelnut, banana slices mixed in, chocolate shavings coating the bottom, cinnamon dolce, and just a pinch of matcha powder.
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24 / M / Louisiana
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Posted 5 days ago , edited 5 days ago

rocketrockstar wrote:

Haha this was so funny omg I almost spit out my Venti Carmel Frappucino with non-fat coconut milk exactly 2 1/2 cups of sugar with 4 chocolate drizzles, 6 1/2 pump of carmel drizzles, 3 espresso shots mixed with extra whip cream as well as birthday cake pop mixed with strawberries on top, chocolate flakes, pump of vanilla, one pump of hazelnut, banana slices mixed in, chocolate shavings coating the bottom, cinnamon dolce, and just a pinch of match powder.


Damn this took me on a ride
Vahvi 
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28 - Broccoli - O...
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Posted 5 days ago , edited 5 days ago

rocketrockstar wrote:

Haha this was so funny omg I almost spit out my Venti Carmel Frappucino with non-fat coconut milk exactly 2 1/2 cups of sugar with 4 chocolate drizzles, 6 1/2 pump of carmel drizzles, 3 espresso shots mixed with extra whip cream as well as birthday cake pop mixed with strawberries on top, chocolate flakes, pump of vanilla, one pump of hazelnut, banana slices mixed in, chocolate shavings coating the bottom, cinnamon dolce, and just a pinch of matcha powder.


Careful, caffeine's a diuretic. You keep on laughing and you might shit pee yourself too.

It always starts with the pee

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21 / F / America
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Posted 5 days ago , edited 5 days ago
Put it in a trash bag and throw it in a nearby dumpster.
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