Post Reply Miadra High
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23 / F
Posted 9/12/08 , edited 1/20/09
This is a novel or story that i am writing. Feel free to comment, rate, critic, ect. Also for legal purposes: 'This is a work of fiction, any relation to anything real or other works of fiction are entirely coincidental.'


I never thought this would happen. For him to get targeted. For him to be on that murder list. For him to have to go through a near death expierence.

It was like a sudden impulse that came through me. I was driven by fear during that moment. Fear that the memory of my dear one's death would be relived. Fear that my love would disappear. Fear that the last I would of my love was the puddle of blood he'd lie in.

I then realized my mistake. I turned, only to see that my love's calm face had turned into a display of of horror-filled shock. What stood before him was something like no other. I was a monster. What he saw before him was a replica of what had just attempted a shot at his life. The reason he sat there scathed & bruised. What he saw was a model, no a reincarnation, of the very thing every human lives to keep away from.

Death. Death's Angel. Death's servant.
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24 / F / in the shadows, y...
Posted 9/12/08 , edited 9/13/08
Very nice cover pic ^_^ and the story seems to have a pretty good start. It's interesting. I want to read the next part already XP
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23 / F
Posted 9/13/08 , edited 1/20/09
Chapter 1: The Haruno Family

"Whoo-hoo! Get up sleeping beauty. We have to go to school!" Kita, my not-so-inspiring older sister, rang.

"Don't you have some soap to shove in your mouth? Ugh, get out of here, let me sleep you idiotic baboon" I responded, half emotionless, half yawning.

"Fine then, we'll do it the hard way." She started to pull at her feet.

"No! Stop! Nii-chan! No! Let go! Let me sleep! Nooo! Nii-chan! Help me!" I yelled, as if she was trying to rip my legs off.

"What is going on?” A slightly deep voice said,"Geez Kita, give her a break, she is the youngest after all."

"Sister Complex. Always taking her side. She called me an idiotic baboon, whatever that is."

"You are one. Oh and by the way it means you’re a stupid monkey. Also, Kimiko you’re going to be late." Mila, Kita's much more responsible twin, remarked.

"Screw you, Mila", she said, noticeably annoyed.

"Well you could have just told me that.” I said, rushed.

I quickly rushed out of bed to get prepared. I brushed my hair and teeth, prepared toast while I took a bath, got dressed, grabbed my toast, suitcase and stood at the door beside everyone.

"Weady", I said, my mouth full of toast.

"Alright. Let's go”, my older brother said.

We started to walk to school.

We just moved back to Tokyo, Japan, so this is our first day at Miadra High. Miadra High School is one the most populated high schools here. They say it has the advantages of a private school in a public school. That means no uniforms, but the same education as a private school, plus a bit more.

I live with my older brother, Kai, he has jet black, slightly spiked hair, emerald blue eyes, pale skin, and is well built and muscled. He dresses in a casual yet formal style, turtleneck sweaters, jeans, sneaker, collared button downs, the basics. It just wasn't enough to be consider prep. I as well live with my older twin sisters, Mila and Kita, they have dark, almost midnight blue hair, light blue eyes, and pale skin. The only difference between them is they're sense of style. Kita has a punk theme, always wearing the latest rock/punk influenced styles, she highlights her hair and almost never ties it. Mila has a school girl influence, meaning she wear vests and collared shirts & dresses formal almost all the time, her hair is either in a ponytail or bun, and she wears glasses.

I'm the odd one out of the bunch. I have a 13th century gothic them to my outfits, wearing dresses inspired by the time era, sometime even gothic lolita. My hair is cropped short in the back, so I have almost no hair there, and two strands of hair in the front, one shorter than the other. I have snow white pale skin. I'm also a heterochromiac, it means I have different color eyes, one ruby red and the other sapphire blue. Oh and I forgot, I'm Kimiko, Kimiko Haruno.

All together we're the Haruno Family. We live on 666 Angel Ave., about six blocks down from the school.


The school had a stone like texture, painted in gray, & decorated in gold. Over the entrance towered a church-like clock tower. In the distance you could actually see a church, though I don't think it serves a purpose on school grounds.

As we arrived at the school, a cheery girl is hopping over to us as she said...
"Welcome to Miadra High!"
Group Leader
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Who wants to know...
Posted 9/13/08 , edited 9/13/08

*Evil smile.*
Interesting...MOST INTERESTING!!! >8D
If you drew the cover art, than I must say, you are highly talented. I'm not on that level of drawing just yet.
And the writing style, you certainly paint quite a picture, and you ended off the first part leaving us wondering: "Where will you take the story? Will it turn into a 'group of friends who fight monsters stye' or, 'A slice-of-life comedy?' or even the seldom seen "The stories of other characters problems while the main character helps them along the way, while at the same time dealing with their own problems?!" what style of story will this be?! It's too soon to tell just yet!" Good job. >8D

Overall, you are in league with the greatest of writers this group has to offer.
Good luck on whatever you choose to turn this story into...
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24 / F / in the shadows, y...
Posted 9/13/08 , edited 9/14/08
Hn. The first chapter has me wondering as Kouta-san stated. I also kinda wonder about who's on the cover. It gives the adventure feel to it and also a bit of a Black Cat era feeling to it. You made a small mistake in the front and mixed up the "her" and "my" in the:

"Fine then, we'll do it the hard way." She started to pull at her feet.

Otherwise, the story is great. Kouta-san's definately right in saying that you're a top writer in this group. And as I said before, I really love the cover pic..........I can't draw nearly as good.

Keep it up ^_^
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23 / F
Posted 9/14/08 , edited 1/20/09
Chapter 2: Welcome to Miadra

"Welcome to Miadra High School! You must be new here. nice to meet you, I'm Maris Aizawa, the school prefect. Hope you enjoy your stay!" Maris was dark skined, she had short spiky brown hair, and dressed like a cop. She weirded me out, seriously.

"Pleased to be your acquaintance." I responded emotionless.

"Always with the politeness. Sure but you never use it in the freaking house, do ya." Kita smirked.

"As far as I know you in no position or rank to even speak to me. Prehistoric bum." I said ingenuously.

"Stop that, calling me names like your a fucking critic." She said annoyed.

"Never. And I am a critic which is why I have the authority to name your rank." I said. "And shut your fithy mouth!" I added with digust, though I sounded like my grandma when I said that. I hated when she cursed in public, it made our family look bad, though I have a bad mouth myself sometimes.

"I hate you." She said, glaring at me.

"I despise you with a loathing." I said rapidly.

She gasped. "You evil child. Your a devil child, you know that."

"Oh, I am. Not that I regret selling my soul" I said with a malignant grin then I turned my attention to Maris. "May you give us a tour of the school?"

"Uh.....Sure!" She said cheerfully

We started to walk up the stone steps, the golden railings added an antique touch to the building. The entrance was an arched opening, outlined in gold to match the steps. I figured the whole school must have been made in stone as well, along with the gold decors.

The lobby was beatiful. It had granite floors, gold railings on granite grand staircase, perfectly proportioned shimmering, gold chandeliers, all together it was a work of art.

"Sugoi.", I whispered to myself in amazement.

"The room itself is priceles and one of a kind. Almost everything in here is made out of pure granite and gold." She said, as if she was proud of herself.

"This is very interesting." Mila said, in a critic-like fashion, pushing her glasses up to meet her eyes.

Kita seemed uninterested and Nii-chan wasn't paying full attention either.

We couldn't see the whole school. Most areas were restricted, and we didn't have time, we had to be out front for the bell. All I could say right now is the best part was the lobby, and ... well... I really wanted to to see the rose garden, but it was restricted too.

As we walked outside, many wondering faces turned to us. As I looked around, I also saw many kids turn to their partners and whisper in each other's ears, as if they know something about us we don't know.
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24 / F / in the shadows, y...
Posted 9/14/08 , edited 9/14/08
It's definately getting interesting.
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23 / F
Posted 9/23/08 , edited 1/20/09
Chapter 3: Friends, Foes, & The Mystery

One of the whispering students starts walking towards us.

"Hello there, you must be the new transfers. I'm Janie Sa-" She was cut of short.

"I'm Shayndel Niwa. Don't mind Janie, she's the 'Queen Bee'. Instead come hang with me.", she said.

Janie clears her throat. "Like I was saying, I'm Janie Sato, and I can garantee that if you 'hang' with me, you'll be popular. So, what do you say?"

"No." I responded bluntly.

"How da-"

I cut her off. "No." I started to walk away with everyone else.

"You'll regret dening me." Janie shrieked.

We all ignored her.

Janie was one of the most slutty girl I ever met. What she was wearing made me think she bought them at least 3 sizes to small. She was like a naughty school girl. She was wearing a white collar shirt, except the sleeves wear rolled up to her elbows, and the shirt was short enough that I could her belly button. Her skirt just screamed 'I'm a whore', it was short enough I swear you could see her ass. Her look was complete with knee-highs and high heels. She has long, wavy strawberry blonde hair, and light green eyes.

On the other hand Shayndel was completely different. As a matter a fact, her style mimics that of Kita's. She was wearing the almost the thing. She was wearing a gray short-sleeved shirt ripped in the back with a gothic broken heart graphic on the front. Also she had gray skinny jeans on with military styled boots. She has shoulder lengthed black hair her bangs tainted red, and aqua eyes.

"Say, Shayndel, let's say we hang out some time. I like you already." Kita said.

"Alright. When I get free time I'll take you to one of the best places in Tokyo, 'kay?" She responded as she walked away.


"I'm surprised you even made a friend" I said teasingly.

"Ha ha very funny." She said sarcastically.

I ignored her like always. I spotted a nearby tree and perched up on one of it's branches. I could see almost everyone in the front of the school, particularly a boy who resemble my brother except he had white hair and was bit more muscular. I couldn't see his eyes though, his hair was covering them. As I kept looking around I saw two boys approaching us. One had one brown hair with matching eye color. The other one had dark blue hair and clear gray eyes.

The brown hair kid approached us first. "Hey! You ladies new here?" he said referring to Mila, Kita, and myself, ignoring my brother's presence.

"Hey! Are you some kind of serial killer?" I said in a sarcastic sort of way.

"Ehh! Come on, do I really look like that?"

"No. I just don't like you."

His friend reached us.

"Not having a good time introducing your self?" He said to his friend in a teasing manner.

"Hi Killer's friend." I said in a childish way.

"Wow even the new girl doesn't like you already. Nice to meet you, I'm Kei." He said putting out his hand so i can shake it.

I jumped down and shook his hand. "I'm Kimiko, this is my brother Kai, and these are the twins Mila & Kita.", I said pointing to each person as I said their name.

"Well nice to meet you, too.", He said kindly referring to my siblings.

"Oh I forgot. I'm Yosuke Mina, nice to meet ya.", He said with a grin.

I ignored him and looked behind him. The white hair guy wasn't there anymore. "I'm going to look around."

"O.K. Just don't get in trouble.", Mila said.

I left. Dazed & disoriented. Not a single idea to wear I was headed.

For some reason I decided to ignore Mila. My yearning & constant inner pleading to go to the forbidden rose garden had been heard. Despite my current state, I managed to get over the gate, and get in.

It was the most beatiful place I've ever seen. Brightly colored, full bloomed roses and flowers of all kinds flourishing everywhere. In the middle was a gazebo with a piano placed inside it.

As I looked more closely I saw him, the guy with the white hair. He was playing a melody on the piano. It was so beautiful. It just made me want to sing so badly.

♪Like a shadow foreseen
Through a grayish white screen
Like an angel walking through a winter scene.

Oh how I wish that you could you see...
As beautiful as porcelain...
As fragil as can be..

When I finished, the guy looked up. I was about to introduce myself to him, but he left too quickly. I guess he'll just remain a mystery for now.
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23 / F
Posted 11/15/08 , edited 1/20/09
Chapter 4: Mystery Uncovered

Up until lunch, the day has passed in a blur. I didn't even notice if the white haired kid was in my class. Heck, I don't even know if they mentioned his name. All I saw were blotches. Tiny splats of ink on a page. A mix of different colors. I never wanted to find out about a person this mush. I just never took the time to. I mean, the only people I've ever trusted were Kita, Mila, & Kai. Then why do I feel like I can trust this stranger.

It's lunch now. I usually eat with my brother but, since I happened to catch a glipse of that guy, I'm eating on the roof for a change. So, I quickly got my obento & eagerly walked to the top. Nearly running and trip up the stairs. Waste of energy, I thought. I gradually slowed down.

As I got there I only saw him, sitting behind the tower so no one could see him. Alone. No friends or buddies. No brothers or sisters. Just him.

"Um...c-can I eat here...uh" I say said emotionlessly shy, as always. I'm not good comunicating with boys. Er... at least strangers.

"...Go ahead...I don't care..." He seemed to be mad. His tone certainly gave that off. His food hasn't even been touched. He was just looking off into the distance. Trying to block out the world. I think.

I went over without a word. I sat about two feet away from him. I finally managed to see his face this time.He had the most beatiful clear white eyes. His face looked so solitary though. I noticed he seemed have a baby face. The thought of it made me smile.

"What's wrong with you?" He said, looking at my sudden smile.

"N-nothing." The grin quickly turned to a frown. I looked away, flushing hoping he was looking off in the other direction just like before. Figures. He was.

"Aren't you the new girl from Osaka or something?"

"It's Hokkaido, and yea I'm new."

"So, I see"

I stayed quiet. "W-what's your name?"

"Yuuki Taeda. Yours?"

"Kimiko Haruno." So his name is Yuuki. Yuuki means Snow. I think it suits him.

"Have you seen the school yet?"

"Yea, it's pretty nice" I said, at that moment realizing I haven't touched my lunch. I started to eat it, not wanting to go to waste.

"What's your favorite place?"

I shuddered at the question, for I worried if he'd get mad. I reversed the question."What's yours?"

He chuckled for the first time. "Tell me yours first, or what, are you scared i'll laugh"

"You shouldn't be talking. You skipped the question first!" I with enthusiasm for the first time today.

"It's stupid, and you won't believe me."

"Hit me. Come on, I won't laugh."

"The rose garden."

"Oh." So it was him playing the piano. I had to make sure of it. "Do you play an instrument?" I asked, determined to get to know him more.

"The piano..." He stated in a daze, "Even though it's closed to students, I still find a way in there. I don't have a piano at home or take lessons, so I go to the gazebo in the garden..." He trailed off as if he said to much.

I closed my eyes and tried to remember. I immediately started to sing the melody from this morning.

His eyes grew wide. "Where you there this morning?"

"Y-yes" I stuttered, startled as I was.

"You were the one singing, weren't you?"

"I-I was"

I was done with my lunch. Lunchtime wasn't ever yet though. I stood up and leaned over the edge. He stood up next to me, leaning against the edge opposite of me.

"Well is that a definite answer?"

"Were you the one playing the piano?"


"The melody was beatiful"

"It was a melody my father used to play."

"Oh" To think he lost someone too.

"I only live with my sister mother now" He continued.

"I...I lost both my parents. I live with my siblings now though" I said, head down, back to my emotionless self.

"Sorry 'bout that."

'No need for that."

The bell rang. It was time to go in.

"Well see you some other time." He left.

I didn't listen. I was to much in a daze to.
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Posted 3/10/09 , edited 3/10/09
it's getting really interesting xD
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