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I Pray You Find This As Intresting As I do...
Posted 8/22/09 , edited 8/22/09

xXGerardxX wrote:

lol wtf dude it was pretty interesting, did you create this??

Of course I did. I'm not a plagurist.
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24 / F / you will never know
Posted 9/28/09 , edited 9/28/09
i'm extremely sorry but it's boring
Posted 11/24/09 , edited 11/25/09
Hmm...I find this very interesting. Somewhat a little dull in the beginning but it still caught my attention. Maybe you should write the story in Jack's point of view or third person, that would help elaborate more on your story. All in all, it was wonderful and very original. I hope you continue this story.
Posted 2/17/10 , edited 2/17/10
your story isnt a story.its basically stating events.a person would get bored reading the first paragraph of it,PaulMcartny , u should start writing a story in an attractive way so ppl will want to go on and read,find out more about the character,meaning:instead of directly saying Jack's history,say it in explain his current state stuck somewhere,describe this somwhere or idk.but i know if u want to write a good story u have to start by revealing characters in order of their situation,not just go and say it.also reading books by professional novelists will help,see how to start.good luck
Posted 5/25/10 , edited 5/25/10
Call it an introduction. Of course this isn't a story XP Even I know that. I'm showing you material for a story I may create.
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25 / Chicagoland area
Posted 5/27/10 , edited 5/27/10
It was good. It would have been better had you taken more time to really create the characters and develop the story. Other than that I like it. I also love the fact that you have them speaking in a dialect, not in some way people say is correct to speak.
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