The Ghost of the Northern Woods - Part 1
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49 / F
Posted 7/17/10 , edited 7/17/10
The Ghost of the Northern Woods

(of course the world of Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto. I'm happy I could borrow it for a bit.)

Roughly two hundred sixty chakra signatures crossed the northern border of the Village Hidden in the Leaves. Flitting from limb to limb, all were in pursuit of one chakra signature, strong and pure that caught her attention. Sitting cross-legged in front of the hearth in her home, she followed the race to the village, hoping the one with that bright lovely chakra would make it to the area further south where the Anbu Black Ops were patrolling and could lend assistance to his plight. A strong jutsu flew from the nearest pursers, momentarily causing the natural energy field to waver. The attack missed, but the pursued slowed, perhaps realizing running was futile. Only one against so many, the odds were not good, and she couldn’t bear to see that bright beautiful chakra extinguished forever. Without another thought, she phased from sight, without her mask, and more importantly, without her gloves.
The distance was great, but being able to move freely through the natural energy fields, allowed her to cover great distances in just a few moments. This was her gift and her curse, this ability to basically lose her physical form and phase her chakra into the natural energy fields, to share chakra without risk of running out, to steal another’s chakra to the point of death; these were her special abilities, the very bane of her existence that drove her to near solitude. She wondered why the chakra signature that caught her attention was so special, to whom did it belong, why did she long to save it, to have it for her own? It was an ache almost painful. She neared the battlefield. Without being seen, without yet becoming corporal in form, she saw several of the pursuers lying, blood spilling, upon the ground. Possibly sixty gone, chakra stilled forever in their forms. The one she came for, stood panting, facing the others, a huge lightning ball forming in his hand pointed towards the ground. She watched chakra flow into the attack, saw the attack launch towards a small group to the left, striking more dead, he leapt background to avoid counterattacks, but a nearby pursuer lying on the ground, rolled under his legs just as he landed and jammed a kunai knife into the back of his thigh, dragging the knife through the muscle, nearly down to the back of his knee. He stumbled and nearly fell, but managed to catch himself. Blood quickly ran down his leg, wetting and staining his pants and shoe. Many of the pursuers stood laughing, seeing the exhaustion on his face, the determination in his eyes, the paleness from pain and sudden blood loss, but all she could see was what little viable chakra remained for the next lightning strike. She took several steps forward, still phased out of sight, and reached out in front of her, placed a hand on his left shoulder, and became one with the physical world again.
“You will not survive your next attack, let me help you.”
He did not dare turn around completely, but jumped slightly as the ghostly hand appeared on his shoulder then the form of a women in a gray dress appeared behind him.
“I can help you. I cannot let you die. I can give you chakra, we can share an attack, and you will be safe. Let me help you.”
He eyed her warily, and then gave her an exhausted nod.
“You will feel me with you, but I will not be heavy for you, even in your weakened state. My chakra will support me and you both. I will you use my water jutsu, Tsunami, mix it with that lightning attack you’re preparing. Are you ok with that?”
Again he nodded, pain making it hard to speak, saving his energy for the last attack. To his shock she climbed on his back, but like she said, he couldn’t feel her weight. Chakra energy flowed into his body from hers. Her face was next his, her hands on both of his shoulders, her knees resting on his waist near his hips; her feet firmly gripped his legs near his knees. Where he could not feel her body, he could feel her chakra flowing into his, his lightning attack became stronger. He felt a tingle of her chakra run down his arm as her hand slid from his shoulder to his elbow, then a sudden rush as the lightning ball grew to a near impossible size, water rushed up from the ground mixing with the lightning, creating a huge electric ball of water that continued to grow in size.
“What is the name of your attack?” She whispered near his left ear.
“I’ll lead, release when I do.”
“Got it.”
The pursuer’s smirks turned to masks of dismay as the jutsu grew to over twenty feet wide and ten feet tall. Many started to back away, shaking their heads, clearly not believing what they were seeing.
“We’re almost there, now! Chidori Tsunami Combination Jutsu!”
A wall of water filled with electricity swept through the forest, knocking down trees, people, plowing a hole in the ground and filling it with water. The area of devastation was immense. When the smoke and spray, subsided nothing and no one, were left standing. Keeping a hand on his shoulder to continue to feed his chakra, she released herself from his back and gently placed his right arm around her shoulder before he collapsed. With her right hand, she removed the kunai knife from his leg as blood continued to spill. He turned his face towards hers, one brown eye, and one red eye, stared in wonder at her before the pain caused him to shut them tightly in a grimace.
“Are, are you the Ghost?”
A slight smile crinkled his masked face at the corner of his eyes and he spoke no more.
She gently placed him on her back, much as she had been on his earlier, using chakra to hold his weight and glided as quickly as possible through the woods to not cause him further pain and to keep him in maximum contact with her chakra field. She wasn’t going to lose him now, not after that first touch, and it was a long walk back to her house.

Posted 8/22/10 , edited 8/22/10
wahh!, its really good!
maybe you have a talent in writing? like me.....kinda
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28 / M / I woke up one day...
Posted 9/1/10 , edited 9/2/10
Not bad but...

Be careful with changing tenses in the middle of a sentence and you are using commas at times they are not needed. Also, be careful to not just use ur spellchecker because it will miss things like corporal when you meant to spell Corporeal and background when i think u meant to say "back round".

Just a suggestion but you might want to go into some kind of description of what the characters and the setting look like, it helps to paint a picture in people's heads and is somewhat of a standard.

Thank you for sharing part 1 of ur story, I am just trying to be constructive, not mean

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21 / M / Stockton, CA
Posted 9/6/10 , edited 9/7/10
Im sorry, but i didnt read it. it was to long,but it looks awesome!
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23 / M
Posted 1/4/11 , edited 1/5/11
wow!! (:
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