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**The funniest joke
82 cr points
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Posted 9/30/07 , edited 10/1/07
Whats the difference between a pizza and a Jew?
The pizza doesn't scream when you toss it in the oven.

3896 cr points
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29 / M / Singapore
Posted 10/1/07 , edited 10/1/07
nt funny...........0/10

Does this make sense?:

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too.
Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. i cdnoult blveiee taht i cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht i was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy.
It dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Azanmig huh? Yaeh and i awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt.

If you can read this, you have a strange mind too.
Can you read this? Only 55 people out of 100 can. I couldnt believe that I could actually understand what I was reading. The phenominal power of the human mind, according to a research at Cambridge University.
It doesn't matter in what order the letters in a word are, the only important thing is that the first and last letter be in the right place. The rest can be a total mess and you can still read it without a problem. This is because the human mind does not read every letter by itself, but the word as a whole.
Amazing, huh? Yeah and I always thought spelling was important.
6159 cr points
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25 / F / Singapore
Posted 10/3/07 , edited 10/3/07
2/10. thats not even a joke ..
Okay, maybe some of you heard this before.

If 1 out of 10 fish died, will the water level in the tank decreased or increased?

The other 9 fish cried.
Yes, i know its lame -_-
8839 cr points
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24 / M
Posted 10/3/07 , edited 10/3/07
2 brothers --A pries and A hunter went...hunting

the hunter saw a rabbit and shot at it...but missed ...he got angry and sayd FU*K i missed
the piest heard that and told not to speak like that or GOD will punish him...
the hunter saw a deer and shot at it...but missed again...FU*CK i missed again
then the priet said that if he says that one more time GOD will surely punish him...
The hunter didn't care ....
he saw a Bear (and thought --this time ...such a big target can't eskape...)he shot and missed ....he went MAD FU*K,FU*K,FU*K,he was calling ...
Than the sky opnend ...a huge hand came thrue the clouds ...and lunched a ligthning towords the hunter ...but killed the priest ...
GOD : fu*k ....i missed

what did we learn from that ? never go hunting with a pries
(yea it's a lame joke ...)
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24 / F / Phillipines
Posted 10/3/07 , edited 10/3/07
niice. 7/10

There were 3 guys on a plane. Guy # 1 dropped an apple for sum reason. Guy # 2 dropped a watermelon and Guy # 3 dropped a nuclear bomb for reasons i dont even know. When they landed, Guy # 1 saw a little boy crying. He asked the little boy : 'Why are u crying?' . The boy said 'an apple hit me on the head'. Guy # 2 just went down and he saw a little girl soaked in a pinkish water and he asked her ' why are you crying? '. The little girl said 'a watermelon hit my head and it really hurt! '. Then Guy # 3 saw a hillbilly laughing like crazy and he asked him why. Then the hillbilly said ' I FARTED AND MY HOUSE BLEW UP!'

i know it suks! PLEASE RATE!
8839 cr points
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24 / M
Posted 10/3/07 , edited 10/3/07
Mhahaha 8/10

3 friends were flying around the world (with a plane) and thought of a game to pass the time ...1 of them gets his hand out of the plane and guesses what thay are flying over...
the first one did it...over America..he said do you know ?...thay asked ...he said...I touched the Statue of Liberty ...
the second one touched and said thay are fluing over did you know?....I touched the Rain Forest....
When the tird one plased his hand....he needed exactly 1 second to guess...he did you know?...hmm...verry simpal...thay took my watch
1325 cr points
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36 / F / I dont speak english
Posted 10/3/07 , edited 10/3/07
There only one way to have the last word in a argument with a woman ...
... those last words have to be "yes honey" ... =P
938 cr points
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28 / M / Singapore
Posted 10/4/07 , edited 10/4/07
A very religious woman was trapped on her roof when a flood submerged her house. The water level was rising rapidly and she prayed to God to save her. A few minutes later a boat passed by and a man reached out his hand to grab her. She pushed the man away and said," God will save me!" The helicopter went away and she prayed somemore. After sometime, a helicopter flew by and the people in the helicopter signalled for her to come alnog but she shouted to them," Go away! God will come to save me!" and the helicopter flew away. After sometime, she drown and went to heaven. She saw God and said," My Lord! I have always been faithful to you. Why did you not come to save me?" God looked at her and said," My dear child, who did you think sent the boat and helicopter?"

4268 cr points
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26 / F / Canada
Posted 10/4/07 , edited 10/4/07
ahaha, heard that before.

There's an asian guy sitting at a table eating jam and bread, an american walks up chews a piece of gum between his mouth and says.

American: Hey sup. (smirk on his face)

the asian guy ignores him and continues eating.

American: Do you guys eat all the bread in Asia?

Asian: Yeah of course!

American: not here in america we eat the insides recycle the outisides turn them into croixants and send them to asia.

Asian guy continues to ignore him

american: you know how you get jam in asia?(blows a bubble then pops it)


American: we eat fresh fruits for breakfast and then recycle the peels and seeds turn them into jam and send them to asia.(cracks the gum)

Asian guys now starts to talk.

Asian: Ok, lemme ask u a question. Do u have sex here in america?

American: yeah of course(cracks the gum between his mouth).

Asian: wat do u do with the condoms once ur done?

American: throw them out y?

Asian: not in asia we take them recycle them turn them into chewing gum and send them to AMERICA.
525 cr points
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33 / M / Planet Earth
Posted 10/7/07 , edited 10/7/07

wuts a difference between u and a gay guy?

596 cr points
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26 / F / somewhere on the...
Posted 10/18/07 , edited 10/18/07
2 / 10

3 mens were stranded on a island .
where the people there eat meat .
the tribal chief said to the 3 man " if you complete the two task i ask you to accomplished . i will spare your life and send you back to where you came from . "
the 3 man thought that it wasnt a bad idea so they agreed .
" the 1st task is to go to the forest and bring back 10 same fruits . " the chief said .
the 3 man then set off towards the forest in 3 different direction .

hours later . the 1st man returned . in his arms were 10 apples . minuters later , the 2nd man returned . in his arms were 10 cherries . time passed by and the 3rd man still didnt return . the chief got tired of waiting so he got the 1st and 2nd man to do the 2nd task which was : to stuff the fruits they brought back up their a55 . if they were to make any sound or noise , they would be killed instantly .

the 1st man started stuffing . he winced in pain as he stuff the apples slowly up his a55 . as he stuffed the 2nd apple , he let out a groaned . therefore he was killed .
the 2nd man started stuffing his cherris . he didnt groaned or moaned until he was about to stuff the last cherry . he accidentally snickered . why ?

the last man brought back 10 durians D:

please rate :DD
Posted 10/18/07 , edited 10/18/07
10/10, i heard that before and i burst out laughing

Sorry if any of the following are offesnsive, but i pretty much only know blonde jokes and a few others:

9 blondes and 1 brunet are stuck on a vine which is barely clinging to a tree. everybody agrees that one person needs to let go and fall to their deaths. so the brunet gave a touching speech about how she would let go and save the rest, even though it leads to her death and then... all the blondes clapped.

A ventrilliquist was doing his typical round of blonde jokes when one blonde in the crowd stood up and said " How dare you make fun of blondes. Hair color doesnt make anyone any smarter or dumber than anyone else" ect ect, this continues for about 10 minutes and the ventrilliquist apologizes and the blonde says "Keep out of this, im talking to the little 5hit on your knee!"

596 cr points
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26 / F / somewhere on the...
Posted 10/18/07 , edited 10/19/07
i prefered the 1st one .

a boy and a girl were playing in a sandbox at school . that afternoon when the kids when home , the girl got into the shower with her mum . she pointed at her and asked " mummy , whats that ? "
and her mum replied. " thats your garage . never let a guy put his car into your garage . "
the boy went home and got into the shower with his dad . he pointed at his dad and said " daddy , whats that ? "
his dad replied . " thats your car . never put your car in the girl garage . "

the next day at school the boy and the girl were playing in the sandbox again . that afternoon , the boy came home crying and his pants were covered with blood .
his parents asked " what happenen ? what happened ? "
and the boy replied " i tried putting my car in the girl garage and she rip out my back tires . "

rate please .
2173 cr points
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27 / M / Singapore;thatsma...
Posted 10/19/07 , edited 10/19/07
lol 6 out of 10.

this is a little lame,

there was a black cat and a white cat in a carpark. The black cat started to walk pass the white cat.

Guess what the white cat said to the black cat?

MMEEOOOOWWWWWWWWW some people tend to think too much, try it on ur friends!
390 cr points
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28 / M / SG
Posted 10/19/07 , edited 10/19/07
dots . there's an ancient one
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