Post Reply her fake smile
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24 / F / Philippines
Posted 12/20/11 , edited 12/21/11
Her Fake Smile


The morning breeze; nothing else clears me mind and makes me happy like driving in the morning with the soft breeze playing with my brown locks and the first sun rays dancing across my skin, while the streets are empty and barely someone is driving.

I took a CD and flicked it in the CD player in the car. And after some seconds I heard the soft music of my favorite song. Another thing that clears my mind was listening to this song. I listen to it whenever I'm driving and I can't help but sing along with her remembering my own pain, and smiling at how the lyrics matched what I was going through.

I stopped at a traffic light and I took the CD's box to scan the songs' names that were written on the back when I saw a small paper inside the box. I smiled when I read what was written.

Happy Birthday Matchmaker!

This is from your oldest client

I hope you enjoy...


I shook my head and pulled again when the traffic light turned to green. He gave me this CD along with an expensive bracelet on my eighteenth birthday last year and I was so happy about the presents. But when I read the paper, I got angry. I couldn't forget that because of matchmaking, I lost the love of my life...

I pulled up next to Atem's house and waited for him. I was supposed to meet him at 9: am. I looked at my wrist seeing that it was 8:30. He should be here soon. He is always on time, so I won't beep for him.

Atem Motou is my very best boy friend. He is older than me by three years. I met Atem when I was ten years old. We moved from our house in the capital and came to live in suburbs. My grandmother was so sick and dad wanted to be with her, so he sold our house and came to live here in grandma's house just to be with her. I loved my grandma and I wanted to be with her, but I was sad because I left my friends there and I was the newbie here.

I didn't find any friend here and I was all alone, not to mention that lots of the girls here thought that I was snobby since I came from the city and no one talked to me.


One day in August which I still cherish the most, we were at the beach with grandma, and her friend named Lisa came to join us there. Her friend was barely thirty two or thirty three and she was so beautiful with long black hair and exotic amethyst eyes. I didn't really pay any attention to them. I just went to sit near the ocean and played with the sand. I missed my life there. My house and my friends, and I tried to make my old house with the sand.

I sat there for like two hours just building our old house and when I was making the last touches, three guys that looked in their fifteen came and started to annoy me.

"Hey, look at that little cute house!" one of the three with blond hair said.

"Yeah what a house! But I think it would be more beautiful if we destroy it, huh?" the second with red hair muttered and chuckled. I glared at the second one when he said that he'll destroy my house causing the third to chuckle.

"You wouldn't dare to touch it!" I yelled at the three of them and stood up in front of the sandy house to protect it, but they only laughed and the third came to me and kneeled down a bit to be on my level since he was tall.

"Oh really? Then watch me do it." he said and suddenly kicked the house with his leg making it fall over. I gasped when he did that and my tears started to slid down my cheeks while they only laughed and laughed.

"See? We dared to destroy your little house little girl..." the third said and took my face in his hand. "Don't cry little one..." he said to me while his friends laughed.

"Let her go Jeff!" a deep voice came from behind my back and I turned to see a guy with the strangest hairstyle I've seen in my life. His hair was trie colored while it went up spiky as if lightening stroke it. He had a pair of exotic amethyst eyes that made me remember Lisa suddenly.

"What are you doing here Atem?" the guy Jeff asked him while letting go of me.

"This is none of your business. Now take your gang and go away from here!" the guy Atem yelled at him. His deep voice sent shivers down my spine and I was glad that I wasn't the one he was yelling at. I didn't know why Jeff seemed sacred and he slowly walked away.

"Are you going to run from a kid Jeff?" the red headed one asked him and I wondered the same. Atem seemed younger than him so why would he run away?

"Just come with me. This place is a shit anyway..." he said and walked with his friends away. I didn't bother to look at them or at the boy Atem because I was busy mouring about my destroyed sand house. And I started to cry again.

I felt a hand on my shoulders suddenly and I looked up to see Atem standing next to me with a sad look. Without saying anything he sat next to me and was gathering some sand in his hand. I watched him do something with the sand and I tilted my head to the side.

"What are you doing?" I asked him and he looked at me for some time.

"I'll help you build another house..." he said simply.

"But you don't have to..." I said harshly with a scowl and turned my head away but he surprised me with something. He started building another sand house ignoring my harsh tone. And within fifteen minutes another great house was built. It was even greater than the house I made before and more similar to my house. Once he finished, he smirked at me.

"What do you think?" he asked smugly. I glared at him.

"I told you that you don't have to build me another one. Don't you get it?" I yelled angrily at him expecting him to slap me for my tone or destroy the house again, but he shrugged his shoulders.

"Well, since you didn't thank me for saving you, I thought that you might thank me for rebuilding your house..." I stared at him weirdly and then I couldn't help but giggle. And next I heard him laugh along with me. We kept laughing for some time till he stopped and held out a hand for me.

"I'm Atem Motou." he said with a smile. He was more handsome nearer and I found myself blushing seven shades of red. But then I shook his hand.

"I'm Tea Gardner." But suddenly, I drew my hand from his and shot it to my mouth when I realized something.

"You're Lisa's son!" I asked him. He raised an eyebrow at me in surprise.

"How do you know my mom?" he questioned me and I giggled and took his hand in mine and ran while dragging him. He didn't ask me where I was taking him, to my surprise.

We reached the place where my parents and grandma where and he raised his both brows when he saw his mother there. But what amazed me is that his mother seemed so surprised and she rushed to hug him. And that's where I knew that his parents were divorced.

That night Atem and I sat at the beach while the moon shone on us. Atem told me that his parents divorced since he was six and ever since then he had been living with his dad. I felt kind of sad for reminding him of that, but he told me not to worry about it and he told me that because he met me, he saw his mother after seven years and that something he won't forget from me. And then, he made me make a friendship promise.

"Tea..." he said softly holding his hand out for me. I stared oddly at him and he chuckled and clenched his fingers to his palm except for his pinky which was still held out for me. I watched him for a second before smiling and interlocking my pinky with his.

"From now on we're friends...And I promise you that I'll always be there for you and help you..." Atem told me and I had to smile to him. I never thought that I'd meet someone so kind and sweet like him, not to mention handsome. But back then, all I wanted was his friendship. I was young to fall in love and that's why I cared the less about his good looks.

"And I promise you too." I said. And we both smiled for each other. We heard someone coming towards us and we turned around to see my mom, his mom and my grandma.

"Don't they look so cute together?" grandma asked. I was too naive to understand what she meant but all I knew is that our moms were smiling and Atem was blushing hard.

End of flashback

I laughed at that memory and at the same time I felt a needle stab my heart. Grandma was so right. I couldn't believe that someday I'd fall in love with Atem and I'd want so much to have him for me. But that is impossible now.

I leaned my back on the driver seat and flicked a look to the clock. It was 8:50. I sighed deeply. I can't believe that I came here this early. Atem would probably start teasing me now about not being able to be without him for a second.

Well, he is right anyway. I can't be away from him for a long time. And now I'm gonna whack his head for not visiting me or texting me for a whole week.

I found it hard to be without him for a whole week because he always was with me. And we would always do things together. In fact, from that day when we met, he never left my side. He was always there when I needed help and comfort.

I still remember when grandma died. I was thirteen back then. And when I learned that she died, I couldn't believe it. Grandma was one of my best friends and we would always talk when my parents go to work. It was so hard losing a friend and a family member. And her death was worse on me more than the others.

I locked myself in my room when she died and refused to eat or talk with anyone. My parents tried in vain to make me open the door and talk with me but I refused. Till Atem knew about it...he came and kicked the door open to talk with me. That day, I stayed in his arms for four hours, crying. And he just held me in his arms and stood silent. He knew that crying was the only thing that could help me forget. So he didn't try to stop my sobs.

That day, I knew that I was in love with Atem...and I knew that I could not be without him.

And ever since that day, we become closer than ever. Everyday either he is in my house or I am in his. We were always together till people thought we were dating. Atem didn't remark about that nor was he upset about it and that made me think he loved me too.

I took him with me as my date in each prom in school and when all the girls fought to dance with him, I would get mad. Atem noticed that whenever some girl looked at him in a strange way, I'd become angry. But he didn't remark about it too. Sometimes he would tease me about it...but that was when we were younger.

I looked at my wrist seeing the watch. Is he going to come out today?

Suddenly, as if answering my question the voice of an opened door stopped my train of memories and I looked to my right and saw Atem coming over my car wearing jeans and black shirt while his first two buttons were opened to reveal his muscled chest. Man, he looks so gorgeous today. I just wish I could tell him that.

Atem opened the passenger door and sat then closed the door. He was wearing a great cologne, maybe "Hugo" or "Azaro" I don't know. He gave me one of his silly smiles.

"Hey matchmaker..." he greeted. I crossed my arms to my chest and gave him a glare. Atem raised his eyebrow, his lips curled up into a scowl. "What's wrong T?" he asked worriedly.

"What's wrong!" I burst. "How do you do this? You haven't called since ages nor have you texted me or paid me a visit! I can't believe that I mean nothing to you after all these years!" I yelled and turned my head away from him. I was so angry at him for not caring about me. I can't live without him for a minute while he can live without me for a week.

I watched his expression changes to a sad one from the corner of my eyes and suddenly, I was pulled by two strong arms and pressed against Atem's chest. I felt my breath stop.

"Tea I'm so so sorry. You have no idea how much you mean to me. You mean everything to me Tea and you know how much I love you..." I gasped softly at the word "Love". I just wished that he used the real meaning of this word and not the brotherhood meaning. Nonetheless, I wrapped my arms around him wanting so much to be in his arms. I missed him so much and I didn't want him to pull away.

"I'm sorry. I was so harsh on you. I know that you care about me and you know that I care about you so much too. It's just that..." I bit my lower slightly to fight back the urge to tell him that I love him too much. "...I missed you too much Atem."

I felt Atem tighten his grip around me waist and I tightened mine around his neck. "I missed you too. It's just that I've been so busy these days." Atem, to my misfortune, pulled away to look straight in my eyes. "Am I forgiven?" he asked with a smirk and I giggled and nodded.

"Yep. You're lucky cause I have a kind heart!" I teased and he leaned to kiss my cheek causing my cheeks to burn up by his soft lips.

"Then thanks to your kindness my dear matchmaker." I couldn't say anything. I was still stunned by his kiss, but I tried not to show that to him. So clearing my throat, I started the car and drove off.

While driving, I remembered the first time he kissed me on my cheek. It was two years ago.


We were playing with some of his relatives children Marco polo. Atem was the one with the blindfold and he couldn't catch us, until I came behind him saying "Polo". He heard me and turned quickly losing his balance and he ended on top of me.

I had the biggest blush on earth that day and luckily that Atem's eyes were blindfolded or else I could have been in big trouble. The children stared weirdly at us and when they saw that we'll take long to get up, they left. I breathed in relief and heard Atem mumble "Sorry Tea." I giggled silently and reached over to his face to unfold his eyes. I couldn't control myself that day and the blush grew making my face burn with warmth. My hand had the blindfold and the other was on his soft tanned face while his hands were on both sides of me, but Atem wasn't blushing. He had a smirk on his lips that I didn't know what meant.

We stared at each other's eyes. I felt his beautiful amethyst eyes sank into my own blue ones and we leaned forward at the same time. As I felt his breath on my face, I closed my eyes and waited for his lips to be pressed against mine. That time I was sixteen and I was growing madly in love with Atem and I knew that he had something for me too. But this kiss will reveal if he really had feelings or not.

We almost kissed when we heard a cough and we both turned to see his aunt staring at us with a sly smirk on her face. This time Atem blushed deeply while me! Don't ask about me because my face was worse than a tomato.

"Lunch is ready lover bird!" she said slyly and I wished to go to her and slap her for ruining the best moment of my life. I watched her go to the house and groaned silently but when I turned to Atem, he surprised me with a soft kiss on my cheek. I stared at him for a minute and he only smirked and got off of me. Next, he offered me his hand to get up and I took it and got up. Atem stared at me for seconds and smiled to me softly before walking to the house. My heart was slamming against my chest and I was glad that he left me alone to get a grip on myself. I placed my hand on the place he kissed and felt the spot burning. Atem kissed me! He kissed me! I almost fainted when Atem awoke me again with his deep baritone voice.

"Hey Tea...what are you doing there?" he asked me and I took a deep breath and followed him to have lunch.

End of flashback

I almost blushed again at the memory of him on top of me but I noticed his stare on me from the corner of my eyes and shook my head to get the stupid blush away. I turned to the CD player and saw that it was stopped. I didn't notice that the songs ended long time ago. I bet I was daydreaming about Atem as usual.

I pressed the button "Play" And waited till my favorite song started again.

Drew looks at me
I fake a smile so he won't see

Atem looked questioningly at me. "You still listen to this CD? It's been a year since I brought it to you."

I stared at him from the corner of my eyes and gave him a smile. "It's from you. And I'll never get tired of listening to it." I told him and saw his eyes soften and his smile grew. Did I say a lot to him?

What I want and I need
And everything that we should be

I smiled sadly at how the lyrics matched my feelings and I flicked a look towards Atem to see him closing his eyes and placing his arms behind his head. He sits like this if he was listening to a song or thinking about something. I sighed to myself. I wished that we were a couple. I know him better than his girlfriend does anyway.

"Hey matchmaker...if you're going to stare at me all the time, then I'll drive. I don't want to end in a car wreck." he said with closed eyes and I turned my face away and refocused on the road while trying to control the blush. How did he know that I was staring at him?I shook my head when I heard the nickname of me "Matchmaker" and I felt my hands on the steering wheel tighten.


It happened last year on the same date as today; 8 August. It was my birthday and I had a call from my best friend Mai Valentine in the morning. I thought that she called to say "Happy birthday" to me. And she did. But she told me that she had a surprise for me. I was so anxious and I kept yelling at her to tell me what the surprise.

"I'M HERE IN SAN FRANSISCO!" She yelled at my ear and I dropped the cell phone from my hand and danced around the room while screaming happily. I couldn't believe that I was going to see Mai. The last time I saw here was eight years ago when we moved. She kept encouraging me and cheering me up telling me that we'll always be friends even if we were in different cities and that we'll always see each other. We kept calling and texting each other but we never saw each other ever since that day...

I remembered that Mai was still on the line and took the cell again. "Hey Mai...where are you now?"

"At the KFC. Hurry! I'm waiting for you hun." she said softly and I smiled the biggest smile in my life time. I was so excited to see Mai and I never known that her visit will mess all my life up.

I changed quickly and ran to take a taxi when I heard a "Beep" voice behind me and turned to see a great "Audi 2010" pulling up there with Atem driving it. My mouth hang down to the street in amazement. Where did he get that car from!

Atem stuck his head out of the window and smirked. "Hey Tea. You look beautiful today..." he cooed and I blushed a little and smiled.

"Thanks. Where did you get this car from Atemu?" I asked him and he smiled as if he knew that I was going to ask him that. He gestured for me to ride with him afterwards and I nodded and sat in the passenger seat. The car was so luxury from the inside and I was more amazed. Atem watched my amazed expression and chuckled softly.

"I rented it..." he answered simply and I stopped admiring the car and focused my gaze on him.


"For you Tea..." I tilted my head to the side with a confused look. "Today is your birthday and I thought to rent this car for you since this is your favorite car. So my dear, I'm your driver today and I'll take you whenever you want with my new car." I couldn't believe that he paid all that money to rent this car just for me while he got a box out of his pocket and gave it to me along with a pink bag. I opened the bag first to see the new album of Tylor Swift; my favorite singer. After that, I turned to the box and opened it to see a beautiful golden bracelet with small diamonds on it. I felt some tears roll down my cheek and I launched myself in his arms to hug him tightly. I heard him moan before wrapping his arms around me too tightly.

"Thank you. Thank you so much Atemu."

"You're welcome honey. Happy birthday!"

We stood like this for a while enjoying each other's arms. I never wanted to be away from him and I was happy that he didn't break the hug. But then I noticed that if I kept hugging him more that would be weird. Not to mention that Mai is waiting for me and I should hurry. The KFC is far from here.

Hesitantly, I pulled away from Atem with a simple "thanks" and he nodded to me. I took the bracelet out the box and wrapped it around my wrist admiring its beauty. It must be so expensive, I thought. I wondered why he paid all that money for my birthday.

"So Tea...where do you want to go now?" I went back to reality at his words.

"One of my friends is waiting for me by the KFC now." I said but then I thought about it. Mai and I will probably spend the whole day catching up with each other's lives and events and he'll probably get bored with the girly talk. I saw him start the car and I stopped him. "Atemu. I'll go and take a taxi. I don't want you to get bored with me and my friend..." Atem didn't respond. He started the car and drove down the street.


"Why is your friend waiting for you there?" he asked me without looking at me.

"Well. It's been a very long time since we saw each other and we decided to meet again now after eight years. Oh Atemu, you have no idea how much I've missed that friend..."

Atem stared at me. Did I miss something? Why he looked angry? " he your best boyfriend!" he asked and I knitted my brows.

"Boy!" I repeated vaguely before bursting in a laugh. Atem tapped his fingertips on the steering wheel and apparently was annoyed. "Oh Atem. You're so funny. This friend isn't a boy, she is a girl. Her name is Mai Valentine and I told you once that she was my best girlfriend there."

Atem's face grew red and he laughed at himself. That is until I placed my hand on his that was on the steering. "You'll always be the best for me Atemu. Remember that." I said softly wishing that he knew that I was in love with him. Atem gave me the smile that melted my heart and continued driving.

"Even when you have a boyfriend!" he asked me and I felt my heart stop at his question. But I tried to fake a smile and threw my arms in the air.

"How am I ever going to have a boyfriend when you're here!" I asked him and he laughed again. It was true. I had about four dates in my life and Atemu stuck his nose in every date and ruined it for me. I almost had two boyfriends but he kept on coming with me on the dates making my daters ran away or say that I was goofing around with them when Atem is my real boyfriend. I never knew why Atem did that to me? Did he feel jealous from them? Was he in love with me and that's why he didn't want me to date? I still ask myself these questions till now.

"Well, I'm sorry Tea." Atem pulled me out of my thoughts again with his words. "But none of them was good enough for you!" he said with a scoff and I had to giggle. Of course none is good enough. You're the only one that is good enough for me. I felt my cheeks warm up as I stared at Atem while he drove. Atem was everything I dreamed of. A clever, protective, brave, strong and drop dead gorgeous man. What else does anyone want more in a boyfriend?

Maybe someday...I'll tell him how I feel about him.

The drive went silent after that and twenty minutes later we arrived there. I saw a girl with long, curly blond hair and amethyst eyes wearing a mauve mini skirt with a white tube top and a short mauve jacket. And I knew exactly that it was Mai.

I exited the car and called out her name and she turned around and took me in a squeezing hug.

"Oh Tea I missed you so much!"

"I missed you too Mai." we pulled away from each other and examined each other.

"Wow hun. You changed a lot. You look so beautiful." I smiled when she said that.

"You absolutely look more beautiful than me. Why are you wearing these clothes!" I asked with a giggle and she giggled too. But suddenly, she stopped and gasped. I started at her and saw her looking behind me. I looked around seeing Atem walking towards us.

"Who's that sexy, gorgeous man!" she whispered to me and I felt my blood boil in my veins with jealousy.

"My friend..." before I could even say his name he was standing next to me. Mai blushed deeply and held out her hand to shake Atem's already held out hand.

"Atem Motou. I'm Tea's friend." he said.

"Nice to meet you hun. I'm Mai Valentine."

I watched the two smile to each other forgetting that I was ever existing there. And I sighed to myself knowing that I made a huge mistake by introducing them to each other.

And since that day, Atem kept calling me "Matchmaker" because he thought that I made him take me there on propose to make them both meet.

End Of flashback

I'll bet she's beautiful
That girl he talks about

Yes. Mai was for sure more beautiful than me and he must have seen that from the first meeting.

And she's got everything
That I have to live without

Mai now has everything that I ever dreamed of. She has Atem for herself and I'm suffering with every date they have. I didn't know that that was going to happen, and I didn't know that because of my best friend I'll have to live without the most important and precious man to my heart.


A month later, Mai moved in to San Francisco and she and Atem started to go out. I was broken when Mai told me that and I was more heartbroken when Mai told me that she became his girlfriend. That day when she told me we were shopping and the news made me thunderstruck that I started yelling at Mai and I told her not to call me or talk to me again and I ran away from her that day leaving the shopping bags on the pavement. I was so furious at her and at myself for introducing them. I know that it was destined for them to meet. But maybe it could have been easier if I wasn't the way they met by.

Mai didn't have any explanation to my actions and she called Atem and told them that I ran away. Atem was so furious at Mai back then and he yelled at her for making me run away like this. I think that was their first fight.

Atem searched every place for me but he didn't find me. The weather was awful that day and it was windy and rainy. I was too cold and I felt so alone. My clothes were all wet and I was crying so much. I stood on the beach where me and Atem met eight years ago and I recalled every memory we had together. It was so hard to imagine Atem and Mai together now. And it was even harder to see them kissing near me. I know that they didn't do it in front of me yet, but someday they'll do it and I can't imagine witnessing it.

The night fell and the rain poured harder and harder making my hair stick on my cheeks and embrace the salty tears that I cried. It wasn't fair. Why is this happening to me! I was the one that knew Atem before her, so how could he just fall in love with her from the first meeting while I was with him through eight years without him loving me.

I felt so weak and my body was suddenly warm. No it was more hot than warm. I felt like burning up and I decided to go home, but just when I turned around, I saw Atem standing there, a few meters away from me. His clothes were slightly wet and his golden bangs were blocking his eyes and were pouring some raindrops. Neither of us spoke for a minute. Atem was looking to the sand and I was looking at him wondering how he found me.

Just then, he came to me and drew me to his arms in a squeezing hug. I couldn't take it any longer when he hugged me and I sobbed violently on his chest while he rocked my back and kissed my hair and face. He was so worried about me and I felt so awful because I worried him.

Suddenly, the world spinned around me and I fell on my knees with Atem. He touched my forehead and his expression turned from a worried one to a terrified one.

"Tea you're burning up!" he yelled as he laid my head on his lap. "Oh Tea. Why did you run away! Why did you do that! Why did you scare me and why did you stay in this damn weather!" he yelled and yelled but my eyes were closing and I felt myself growing deaf that I couldn't hear most of his yells. I thought I was going to die that day. My heart was beating so fast that it ached so much and my vision was becoming blurry. I reached my hand over to caress his cheek.

"Atemu...don't leave me!" I pleaded with teary eyes. Atem placed his hand on mine that was on his cheek and kissed it.

"I'll never leave you." he assured and I smiled weakly, then closed my eyes. "Tea! Tea wake up! Tea! Tea!" I heard Atem call my name before I fell into unconsciousness.

End Of flashback

"Tea!" I heard Atem call my name and I turned to see his worried expression unaware of the tears that were rolling down my cheeks. Atem's eyes widened and he reached to wipe my tears away. Just then I knew that I was crying.

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do

"Why are you crying?" he asked me. I looked at my left seeing the beach and a sad smile travelled to my lips.

"Atem. Can you come with me. I want to see something with you." I said softly and stepped out the car. Atem followed me and we both walked on the sand and stood at our old spot where we two met. The place was so quiet and no one was there except the two of us. I felt Atem stand beside me and then he looked down at me and smiled.

"This place brings lots of memories." he said to me and I nodded.

"Yes it does. But not that awful one." I said referring to the day where I collapsed in his arms. Atem came behind me and hugged me tightly as if he was afraid that I would collapse any minute like what happened that day. The two of us started remembering.


That day Atem picked me up and took me to the nearest hospital. They kept me in the emergency room and Atem was with me all the time. I was hallucinating because of the high fever and I was thankful that I didn't say anything about Atem.

When I woke up after two days, Atem, Mai and my parents were there. My mom and dad were hugging each other happily and Atem came to give me a worried hug. I wrapped my arms around him wanting to feel him near me and then I burst crying by remembering that from now on he's not mine, and he's never going to be mine again. My mom watched me cry in Atem's arms and cried too. She knew that I was in love with him for the longest time and she felt as hurt as me for the fact that he and Mai were dating now.

Mai then came to hug me when Atem broke apart and cried hard on my shoulder. She was holding me like a mother that nearly lost her daughter and I felt so bad for what I did with her.

I tried to make up for her and I made her and Atem a romantic dinner just to let them forget the fight they had because of me. I was nearly dying with hurt and jealousy when they kissed and forgave each other. My heart was tearing apart by seeing them kissing that day and I left the place without them noticing.

End of flashback

"Tea...?" Atem started backing away from me. I felt bad because he let go of me but I was curious to what he wanted to tell me. "There's something I want to tell you."

I looked in curiosity at him wondering what it was. Was he going to tell me that he will break up with Mai, hopefully, and be with me? I sweat dropped at my silliness. That would never happen, would it?

"What is it Atemu?"

"I'll propose to Mai today." he said softly. "And then if she said yes we'll move to Los Angeles."

I felt my heart sank to my knees and I couldn't help but let a gasp. The pain inside was unbearable and I hoped that this was a dream. But unfortunately, it wasn't. Tears ran down my cheeks and I sank to my knees and sobbed loudly. Atem hurried to me and held me.

"Tea why are you crying? What's wrong?"

"Why is this happening to me?" I sobbed and Atem was so confused and griped my shoulders to make me look at him.

"Tell me Tea. What is it?" he asked me worriedly stroking some hair from my face.

"What if Mai said yes...I'll never see you again. You'll go away and I'd be alone again!" I yelled while inside I wanted to beg him not to propose to Mai because I love him so much. But I stopped myself. I knew that Mai was so in love with him and I didn't want to hurt her. Besides, I didn't want to confuse him with my feelings. If he had loved me then he would have told me.

Atem smiled and wiped my tears. "I'll never leave you. Whenever you need me I'll be there for you. You know that you hold a big part in my heart. You and Mai are the most important persons to me. And I love you both. When you need me any time just call me and I'll be there. No matter how close or far away the distance between us will always be the same. We'll always be friends and I'll always hold to the promise I made to you." Atem stuck his pinky out and I giggled and interlocked mine in his remembering when we made that promise.

"Just call me when you need me. Even if it was three in the morning and even if I was working or making out with Mai, I'll leave her and come to you right away." I had to laugh. Atem always knew how to make me laugh and that's one of the reasons why I loved him.

Drew talks to me
I laugh 'cause it's so damn funny

"Let's go. Mai should be waiting for us now..." Atem reminded me and I had to groan inside. Does he have to go to Mai? I just nodded to him and we two walked over to my car. A guy with blue hair and icy blue eyes was leaning against my car and I tilted my head to the side at him. He noticed that and gave me a weird look and a sly smirk.

"This car is for you beautiful?" he asked keeping his smirk on his face and he moved to me but Atem stepped in my way and gave him one of his deadly glares.

"That's none of your damn business. Now zip it and get lost before I have to do something with you!" he told him coldly. I felt the guy shiver because of Atem's scary voice before he zoomed out. I laughed inside. Atem doesn't know that he's the only guy I could ever think of.

I can't even see
Anyone when he's with me

We got in the car and after buckling our seat belts I drove to KFC. They decided to have lunch there to remember their first meeting and then they'll go somewhere else more private. I bit my lip angrily thinking about this more private thing. An unwanted picture flashing before me.

Throughout the ride, Atem kept talking about how much he love Mai and how happy he'll be if she said yes to his propose. Atem didn't seem to notice that his talk made my hands tighten on the steering wheel every second and I swear he didn't notice how my knuckles were white because of the effort and the clenching.

He says he's so in love
He's finally got it right

I just wish to know why he loved her. I know Mai is a great girl, but she wasn't for him. I bet that we'll make a greater couple together. I sighed to myself. I just wished he knew how much I think about him. If he only knew how much I loved him and that I was ready to give my life for him if he asked for it.

I wonder if he knows
He's all I think about at night

I felt my eyes water and I clenched them shut to hold back the tears that threatened to come. Why doesn't he feel me? Why doesn't he know that I love him? Why can't he feel my pain? I'm dying with in every minute he and Mai spend together and today he'll propose for her. This was just too much to take. I'm breaking from the inside and he can't just see it.

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do

I turned the voice higher not really wanting to listen anymore about his love for Mai. I was about to cry again at any second and hearing Mai's name would just kill me now.

Atem leaned closer to turn the voice a little down and I felt my breath stop when I felt his hand touches mine. Man, I just hope he would step back from me...I want to focus on the road or else we'll end up in the hospital today...I tried to busy myself again with the song.

Drew walks by me
Can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly
The kind of flawless I wish I could be

Why did this song have to be so much like my story? Well, I better not ask.

We were close to the KFC and I watched Mai waiting for us there. I flicked a look towards Atem seeing how his face lit up when he spotted her and I sighed heavily. Many emotions were swimming in my inside now and I wanted so badly to get back home.

She better hold him tight
Give him all her love

If Mai was going to say yes, which I know she will, she better take care of him and love him. And be loyal to him, because I swear if she hurted him. I'll go and kill her.

She better know how luck she is just by holding him tightly and staring at his amazing magenta eyes. Yeah...she better know how lucky she was to have

Look in those beautiful eyes
And know she's lucky 'cause

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do

Atem got out of the car and I turned the CD player off and went to them. First, Mai hugged him tightly and kissed him so hard on his lips. I turned my gaze another way staring at the KFC name as if this was the first time I look at it. I had to keep my mind away from the kissing couple just to spare my heart another break. Just to spare some tears and just to spare my lips from getting sore by biting them.

I kept my head turned away when I heard Mai say. "Hey...someday I'll be jealous from Tea, Atem. You're always with her." she said with a pout and I rolled my eyes with a victorious smile. At least she knows how he cares for me. Atem just laughed that deep and sweet laugh of his.

"Now babe I would never allow you to be jealous from Tea. You two have the same place in my heart." he said and Mai just sighed in defeat.

We had lunch and it insisted most of flirting between Atem and Mai what made me even more frustrated. I just arte silently ignoring the sweet talk and the make out sessions between them but that wasn't really helping. I needed to get out here. I couldn't take this any longer.

"I got sick of watching you two so I'll go home." I said as cheerful as I could with a fake smile so they wouldn't see the anger and hurt beneath my words. Atem stopped kissing Mai's neck and looked up at me.

"You're leaving Tea?" Mai asked with a spasm of disappointment yet happiness that I was leaving them alone. I saw that and almost bite the inside of my cheek to hold back the yell I wanted to give her.

"Well...don't worry about me. Just enjoy! See you guys later.." I said and took my purse to leave. As soon as I passed their table I hurried outside and took a deep breath to hold the tears back. My head was spinning around and I took some deep breaths to calm myself down.

"Tea..?" I heard a familiar deep voice calling my name and I turned to see Atem walking to me with a concerned face. "What is wrong with you Tea? What are you hiding from me? You don't act as alive and cheerful as always..." I shot my eyes closed. Why do I feel so weak when he looks straight in my eyes and when he talks to me? I'm such a coward! Why can't I just tell him my feelings and let him decide if he wants to be with me or with Mai.

Atem placed his hands on my shoulders. "Tell me Tea. I'm here for you and I'm ready to hear anything from you."

I gave him my best fake smile to just reassure him that I was fine. Until now at least. "I'm fine Atem. Something is bothering me but I don't want to ruin your date because of it." I said to him softly. Atem seemed to buy my fake smile but he was still worried.

"OK. But when I finish this date I'm coming to you and I want to listen to that something that is bothering you."

I nodded and gave him a hug. "You're the best Atemu." I told him while clutching his shoulders trying not to burst crying. He hugged me back for a minute and broke apart then waved to me and went back to Mai. I watched him leave and let a huge sigh.

I made a drive around the city till it was midnight. That's when I decided to go back home...alone.

So I drive home alone
As I turn out the light

I reached my house and pulled up in the garage. I went to my room and changed to my pjs, then after taking one of Atem's pictures from my desk drawer I threw myself on the bed and stared at his picture.

I haven't slept well since a long time and maybe his angelic face could put me to a deep slumber that I needed so much.

I'll put his picture down
And maybe get some sleep tonight

Some tears dropped from my eyes down on the picture. He was holding me tightly in the picture and we both were smiling happily. This picture was taken two years ago when Mai wasn't existed in his life. When he was there for me only...

My tears increased as I thought of what would happen now. Atem and Mai will leave the city and move somewhere else. What will happen to me when Atem leaves my life? What will happen to me when he and Mai marry which will be so soon I think. I probably will kill myself when they marry since death is better a thousand times than watching Atem and Mai make a family together.

'Cuz he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do

I can't take it longer hearing him calling me "Matchmaker". I got sick and tired of remembering that it was my fault all what happened. And I didn't want to listen anymore...

In every date they have they would start thanking me for giving them the opportunity to meet and I would give a fake smile as usual making them think that I was actually happy that they found each other.

I can't take seeing them happy while I'm tearing apart when they're together.

He's the time taken up but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into

Suddenly...I got up and walked to the kitchen. I opened the cabinet getting a sharp and big knife out of it before I closed it. I went to the dark living room and held the knife beside my wrist ready to end my suffer and finally rest when...

Ring! Ring! Ring!

I shot a look to the clock seeing that it was 1: am. I wondered who it was at this time and I threw the knife on the sofa before going to answer the door.

Once I opened the door, I was taken by two strong arms and pressed against a muscled chest. I wanted to slap the person when I inhaled the familiar scent of the love of my life and I relaxed. The idea of suicide slowly fading away.

"She said yes Tea...she said yes!" Atem exclaimed happily and started twirling me around while laughing. I lowered my head and my locks fell to cover my face, tears immediately rose to my eyes and I started sobbing quietly while thrusting my lips in my mouth to keep from making a noise while Atem kept twirling me in happiness.

Atem saw that I didn't make a voice and placed me gently on the floor then lifted my chin up to look in his eyes and he let a gasp when he saw my tears. I knew that he was going to ask me why I was crying and I surely wasn't emotionally ready to say anything to him. So I swallowed the hurt and pain that boiled in my heart and giggled wiping my tears away quickly.

"I'm so happy for you Atem. I really am!" I exclaimed and gave him a quick congratulating hug and another one of my fake smiles...but this time I noticed that smiling fakely seemed easier to me for a reason.

Drew looks at me

Atem looked at me intensely and I felt myself weaken...

I fake a smile so he won't see

But I gave him a convincing fake smile so he won't see how hurt and broken I was.

And he smiled back...not knowing how my heart was shattering...

And not knowing how fake my smile was...

=the end=

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