How Chen got Shafted.
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Posted 4/30/14 , edited 5/1/14
It seems that as far as God-fearing heroes go, Chen is the one who experiences the lord’s light in places he probably doesn’t want it. Including Chen, there are three heroes who savagely beat the life out of hapless red foot soldiers in the name of God, the other two being Sven and Omni knight.

The muscle-bound blue warrior, Sven has no trouble smiting in the name of his God. In fact, God loved Sven so much, that he granted his very muscles to the rogue knight, meaning that any time Sven yells, it should be taken as seriously as a tsunami tornado because any amount of yelling from Sven means that God’s wrath is going to swing down upon you so hard that it will kill whatever is behind you first. Not to mention he gets to throw around Mjolnir like it’s his own heat-seeking baseball.

If Sven having God’s muscles isn’t terrifying enough, he has his handsome friend Omni Knight, who instead of throwing hammers, uses his as a hammer. Omni Knight hardly needs to swing it though thanks to his ability to call down his own archangel. Instead of acting as a holy hydrogen bomb, which would be less painful for the enemy, it makes Omni Knight and everyone near him impervious to physical pain. You may still have spells, but Omni Knight can make someone particularly hard to kill immune to magic. Think you’re going to kill that guy with low health? Guess again! This Hammer-toting esquire can call down a ray of heaven’s gold to heal the would-be victim as you feel only its pain. You try to flee, but binding chains of hued light force your footsteps to fall heavy. Then comes a final swing of the silvery gavel, final judgment from the handsome holy man.

If God was so generous to Omni Knight and Sven, surely Chen must be equally blessed, but alas, despite Chen’s fancy attire, he was never as noble as either of his fellow clergymen. As a child, I imagine Chen was bullied by other races on the bases of their religion; so much so that Chen dedicated himself to eradicating the so-called heretics in a stampede of undeserved inquisitions. In other words, Chen is kind of an asshole. God saw this, and decided to dig from the bottom of the ethereal barrel, giving Chen the power to command animals and teleport people at will. Sure, Chen is a threatening presence with his virtually limitless supply of monsters that aren’t playable as heroes, but there’s nothing frightfully awe-inspiring in his skillset like with the other two. No shouts that cause foes to turn tail(s), no guardian angel, just animals. Early on, the centaur/eagle monster/ laser bubble rat thing brigade is confusing and deadly, but as enemies grow greater in their attributes, the animal army just wind up as walking wallets with a few passable abilities.
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Posted 12/25/15 , edited 12/25/15
"Year-end cleanup. Closing threads with no activity since 2014."
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